AIBU to just not make a decision?

[hibouded]

I can't make a decision and I have to make a decision. But I can't.

DC to be almost 2 soon. On a career break as I went back when DC was 1, DC never seemed to settle at nursery and I was miserable seeing my baby upset every day. I decided to quit but bosses said they would hate to lose me (I am really not that great!!) and gave me a long break.

Everywhere I look and everyone I ask, I get a lot of

• your children are only little once, you can always work later
• it is important to have a balance
• you can't rely 100% financially on the dad
• you won't regret spending these years with them
• it is important to contribute to your pension and to remain in the workforce
• how can you be sure he will be ok in childcare?

So basically either I would be crazy to become a SAHP or I would be crazy not to become a SAHP.

Money-wise it won't make a difference as my earnings would be the same as childcare

As none of us "settled" with nursery I would have to hope this changes or look for a childminder as an alternative.

We have no family here.

I need to make a decision by January but if I chose to go back to work I fear DC would be unhappy at childcare and I would regret not spending time with my baby.

I like my job but I don't miss it and I have been off for almost 2 years now.

So basically... AIBU to think that this is an impossible decision and just bury my head in the sand? I just can't.

@Daffyduckface thank you for that, sorry for all that happened to you though  You seem pretty awesome though 
@Applesandpears23 it would be around a month, we commit to particular projects in advance so it can be a bit less or more
@Bluetrews25 I don't see many people atm to be fair and my conversations are mostly about babies... I don't mind it and I feel lucky but yes, I guess...

Thank you everyone for being so kind and supportive.

I think that, if I am honest with myself, my main issue is the worry of finding someone that I can trust and feeling happy to walk away for a few hours. I love him to bits and we have had a very bumpy ride so I just worry, I am a softie and I had PND and lots of anxiety.

I’d go back for two days as well. Look for a new nursery and don’t worry about messing childcare about, they are running a business and things happen. Start looking now so you have something in place that you’re happy with by the time you’re due to go back.

I working two days a week until by DD went to school, she went to nursery those two days and I feel it was beneficial for her. The I increased my hours, which is a lot easier to do when you already work there than trying to find a part time job round school hours later on. I think you need to think smart and long term for this.

It probably will take him time to settle, but persevere with it. Think forwards - what will you do if he doesn’t settle at school? Will you leave work and home educate him? Or will you endure the few hard weeks like many, many of us have, until one day he comes skipping out of school? What you’re going through is normal, totally normal. Also, two is a very difficult age and many two years olds are never, ever happy simply because they are two and that’s what two yr olds are like.

I’ve no idea why people assume it will all be ok if you split up, just because you’re married. You can still be left totally and absolutely in the shit. Maintain your financial independence.

Go back to work. It's only 2 days a week. You do need to give it a good 6 months though before deciding if it's working or not. Plus be prepared to put on brave face for dc as they will pick up on your anxiety about leaving them.

Before my DD turned 2 I dreaded the thought of leaving her in a nursery it broke my heart... she's 4 months later she's starting nursery in Jan, she has a speech delay and needs the interaction with other kids! I know she's going to love it now she's that little bit older and more independent ! Don't worry go back to work 2 days and let your DS explore

Two years old is very different from one year old. I’d strongly suggest going back to work part time; I wish I’d had the opportunity. x