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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU or is this odd?

12 replies

HairySpice · 11/11/2018 11:47

We are very close to my DHs aunt. She is VERY dependent on us, after the death of her husband and demanding at times, but she is family and we love her despite this.

She got into a new relationship about two years ago, the guy she is seeing is very different to her DH and she openly compared them all the time and was cruel is some ways (calling him stupid etc) , this led to arguments that turned nasty and they broke up.

My DH and I were never keen on him but never condoned her behaviour towards him. We didn't agree with his views on certain things (think old fashioned,out dated stuff) and DHs aunt has a lot of money and my DH felt he was taking advantage and told her this.

When they broke up, we deleted him offer FB etc, as there was no point having him on there.

They got back together, about 9 months ago, and at first she was cagey and secretive about this - fine, it is her business. Then she admitted they are together but his family won't speak to her or accept her because of her treatment.of him.

Here is the thing, whilst they were together the first time, they would take our DS and his grandkids out a lot. It was nice and the kids always got on and had a great time.

Now they are back together, he keeps dropping in my DS presents to her. I have told her that is lovely but we have yet to actually see/speak to him again. But when she has our DS he pops in and sees him.

I have suggested several times we all meet up and maybe have a meal and that she doesn't have to keep him away from us, that if she is happy we are happy etc, but she agrees and doesn't sort anything. I have said I feel uncomfortable our DS receiving gifts from a person we are not in contact with but she says he is just being kind. She then asked if he alone could take our DS out for the day with his grandkids and I said no, not until we had all met up and built bridges again.

Now she has booked tickets for them all to see a Santa Steam Train thing. Again we have said can we have a meal or get together or something beforehand, which she agreed to but is still dodging being pissed down on. She is actively keeping us all separate.

This is bloody odd isn't it? What could be going on? She loves our DS, spoils him, and us rotten and despite all this, we love her and want her to be happy. We were never mean/rude or anything to the boyfriend before, even when he expressed awful views, we just smiled and nodded so no animosity....

WhyConfused?

OP posts:
HairySpice · 11/11/2018 11:49

Pinned down on! Not pissed down on!

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Maelstrop · 11/11/2018 11:52

Hmm, call me suspicious, but I wouldn't be allowing my ds time with just her and him. Either you get to go together or I'd be refusing her further time with your ds.

Bobbiepin · 11/11/2018 11:55

If a man I was not related to and did not see regularly was routinely buying my child presents I would be suspicious too. I would be stopping contact unless you are there.

HairySpice · 11/11/2018 12:13

It IS strange isn't it? He is a "family man", has lots of children (two marriage - 5 kids in total) and grandchildren, who he adores, and all seemingly adore him. When I said to the aunt it is a bit strange, she said it was because he is a real family man, and really bonded with our DS and saw him like one of his own grandkids...

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Oldgranny · 11/11/2018 12:29

Prurient minds ☹️

longwayoff · 11/11/2018 12:32

hmm. Good for him. If he's such a family guy he will completely understand your concerns. Dont give in.

CallMeRachel · 11/11/2018 12:37

He perhaps feels (or was manipulated) into believing that it was the negative influence of you and your dh that lead to the break up between him and your Aunt the last time.

It sounds as if they've agreed to keep things more private this time. That's fine obviously but does make it a bit awkward for them having access to your son.

How old is your ds?

HairySpice · 11/11/2018 12:38

I don't think the issue is him so much, I think DHs aunts behaviour is odder, in that this could all be sorted out if she just had us all round for a cuppa, and she won't it seems. She is the barrier as far as I can tell.

She constantly complains that his family won't accept her - to the point she is excluded from his DDs wedding next month. She is blaming him for not sorting that out.

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HairySpice · 11/11/2018 12:38

DS is 6.

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CallMeRachel · 11/11/2018 12:42

DHs aunt has a lot of money and my DH felt he was taking advantage and told her this.

That would be hard to come back from.

If someone alleged that about me when my intentions were entirely honourable I'd never want to see or speak to them again either.

It would also make me wonder about the motivation of the person dishing out the criticism...💷

CallMeRachel · 11/11/2018 12:45

Cross posted

She constantly complains that his family won't accept her - to the point she is excluded from his DDs wedding next month.

It may be that she is making sure that he doesn't get a relationship with her family either in retaliation for her being excluded from his.

It sounds as if she has a nasty streak to her anyway. I think all you can do is step back and let her know your there for her if and when she needs you but as your son is only 6 he's not allowed to go away without you as a family being included.

HairySpice · 11/11/2018 12:50

CallMeRachael possibly, but this is the thing, don't talk to them, fine but don't buy presents for their kid.

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