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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU? Should my DF stand up for me?

6 replies

19lottie82 · 11/11/2018 11:11

My Dad has a builder / joiner who he has used for 10 years + to fit new bathrooms, kitchens and general work in his house. I’ve used him a couple of times too and his work has always been good. Let’s call the builder John.

Last week John did some work to renovate a room in my house and to put it bluntly it’s a total disaster, it’s just not finished. He claims the parts I’m complaining about weren’t included in the pricing but it’s just common sense that they need doing!
And a major part that I asked him to do hasn’t been done and he’s denying I ever mentioned it.

I’m in shock as we have used him for years.
He said he will catch up with me next week to have a chat, and I’ve only paid him 25% up front for the materials so still owe him quite a lot of money, which I won’t be handing over until the room is complete.

Anyway here is the AIBU part......

I FaceTimed my Dad and showed him the room and he agreed that is wasn’t finished and I wasn’t BU.

John has just starting doing some major works in my Dad’s house. And my Dad saw him yesterday. I asked if John had mentioned my house and he said “briefly, but I didn’t ask about it as I didn’t really want to get involved”.

My Dad generally doesn’t like confrontation, but he will stand up for himself if it needs to be done. Am I being a princess in thinking he should have mentioned the unacceptable work to John?

If it makes any difference my DF and DSM have just returned from living abroad for 3 years during which my DH and I managed their house which they rented out while they were away and dealt with any UK based admin that needed addressing. Also, my DH works in a trade so my DF always comes to him when he needs assistance and he never takes a penny from him.
But ok the flip side my DF is generous and helpful in other areas too.

He’s coming over for lunch later, would I be unreasonable to mention to him I’m upset he didn’t stand up for me? I really can’t work out if IABU or not!

OP posts:
mumwhatnothing · 11/11/2018 11:14

I understand where you are coming from but, your issue with John is for you to sort out. You are an adult and your dad does not have to fight your battles for you.

OutragedEtc · 11/11/2018 11:15

I agree with your dad. You’re a grown adult, more than capable of fighting your own battles in your own profession relationships- I think yabu to expect him to stick his oar in

19lottie82 · 11/11/2018 11:20

OK I’m happy to accept it if IABU I just thought my DF might have spoken up for me, especially after all we do for him.

Thanks for the replies I appreciate your opinions.

OP posts:
Treaclespongeandcustard · 11/11/2018 11:21

I think you’re being unreasonable. You can manage John on your own and don’t need your dad to get involved. Your dad probably doesn’t want to fall out with John when he’s in the middle of working at his house.

Treaclespongeandcustard · 11/11/2018 11:22

Sorry op, missed your update Smile

19lottie82 · 11/11/2018 11:24

Your dad probably doesn’t want to fall out with John when he’s in the middle of
working at his house.

This is what I think too.

And yes, I certainly don’t need him to get involved I just thought it would be nice for him to stand up for me, he’s seen what a mess my house is.

But again, I’m happy to accept IBU, thank you.

OP posts:
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