To feel obligated to speak to my mother?

[Sundaymornings9]

It's one of those days where you think back to your childhood, and realise how crap and sad it was.

I grew up in abusive home, no love or affection given as a child. My mother was physically and emotionally abusive, I was made to feel I wasn't good enough, always quick to point out I was too fat, shouldn't eat this and that, shouldn't do this and that. This started from early age, we're talking from 5 years old and up, everyday.

As a result I have no self-esteem as an adult, and I'm in the process of leaving my 2nd abusive partner.

I haven't spoken or seen my dad in 10 years, and I don't want to either. I speak to my mum once a week or fortnight, but to be honest I don't want to. I just feel like I'm obliged to speak to her because she's my mother.

We might have the odd laugh on the phone, but 9 out of 10 times she pisses me off with her comments. I never relied on her emotionally in my life, and never wen needed her so if I never spoke to her again, it wouldn't bother me. In fact it would be a relief.

It's just sad to go through life without ever getting a cuddle or a "I love you" from the one person who should be there for you. She makes me feel uncomfortable and I have a lot of resentment towards her.

Does anyone here feel obligated to speak to their mother but don't want to?

@DewDropsonKittens you're welcome :) I've never really spoken about this to anyone, except my sister who feels the same. Not even my mum, we act as if nothing happened. Sometimes I don't even what to say when she calls, nothing to talk about.

What a rewarding job you have! Especially when you know exactly how they feel.

@Storm4star exactly. Her loss, I feel the same. It's one thing you've an unfit mother during childhood, but at least try make up for it now. Nope, still the same so no sympathy there.

@diddl I haven't spoken to my dad for 10 years because he's always been an absent father, even during my childhood he was never there. He would never call you, only if he needed money though. Since I moved away I don't see him, so I didn't cut him off, he just never phoned. My mum is the one who calls me all the time, if she never called I would never call her.

I did challenge her.

She came to rely on me when she became a wheelchair user in her 80's.

She feigned no memory of what happened, but applogised.

I had challenged her over the years, but got denial and minimising, which had to result in me going LC.

I'm sorry that I ever kept up contact, but it's what you were expected to do, in the 80's. Child abuse wasn't given much credence.

Looking back I should have moved away and not looked back.

After my Mum's death I had my say towards my Sister. She was 13 years older and went to live with a relative. A few conversations with her, in my teens would have put my life on a different track. It came to light that her resentment was put onto me. I still don't forgive her, though.

Just to add, looking back, my Mother had very little happiness in her life.

I agree with such Parents missing out on a lot of love and good relationships.

My Sister struggles with her MH and I know guilt plays a part in that.

@Birdsgottafly can I ask how did you react when she died? I often think about this day, how I will react when she dies. I know I'm not gonna bawl my eyes out, that's for sure.

I often think about what I will do when they become sick and ultimately pass on
I am an only child, they have no-one but each other which is interesting as they despise each other but defend each other against other people