overprotective mum

[nameneedschanging]

Myself and a friend met at a baby group when we both had our DDs, we have been really close since and meet usually around once a week and it evolved around the girls, e.g coffee with them as babies, park or at home when older etc. Because the girls played we were able to catch up and chat too. I had DD2 2 years later and she just slotted in really and I really never believe I was that precious with the toddlers as she just loved being around them and they were so sweet with her.

Both older girls are now at school and I have my now 2 yo at home and friend has her 5 month old baby. I'm now finding our meet ups really challenging and actually dread it. She will not let DD anywhere near the baby and will quickly hold him close if she comes anywhere near, or make an excuse if she wants to see him like "no not now he needs some milk etc." I know toddlers are danger prone and I'd get it if she had a heavy toy in her hands or something but she's just excited by the new baby and I feel sad for her when this is constantly rejected.

If DD brings over soft toys, or asks to show friend her books or something, my friend is just not interested and will say no baby doesn't want that, go show your mum instead. I raised it with her, when DD brought over a teddy to show the baby and was snapped at, I said oh she only wants to show it to the baby and means no harm? She just said well there could be an accident and I don't want him hurt.

She is very much in a baby bubble and has lost all interest in hearing about my life, my children or anything going on in my life and instead will talk for hours about how beautiful, smart the baby is. I'm just feeling like our friendship has become really one sided where I spend the visits on edge and feeling defensive of DD while she just glazed over if I want to talk about anything other than the baby. Help! AIBU??

Step back, friendships are two ways, if you're not getting anything out of it then it's ok to stop seeing her.

It's a shame and it might make her reflect and change but if not it's time to move on.

Do you think she has postnatal depression? Is she the same with the older children near the baby?

I have a 5mo and a 4yo. 5mo is regularly squished by older children, he loves it. So long as the older children aren't actively unwell, touch his mouth or slobber over him then I'm fine with it. Sometimes I can get a bit twitchy but I always then direct the older children how to interact with him iyswim- so "baby would love to see the teddy, thank you, just be a bit careful of his face though darling". This would only be if I think they're about to enthusiastically poke him in the face tho.

Your friend sounds like she's either got something else going on (PND?) or she's not really a friend.

I'm not sure how she is at home with her eldest and the baby because we now usually meet with just the youngest two, or in the holidays it would be more of a planned day out where the eldest two can run around and play.

She is very much in love with the new baby which is lovely but it does seem a bit obsessive which perhaps is a bit unhealthy, not sure if PND can manifest like this? She seems very happy in general with the children but just seems to see everything as a danger to the baby and on edge the second DD even looks at him.

She adores babies and I do remember her being a bit like this with her DD but I think as we were at the same stage I never picked up on it but now it's harder as my DD is being "hurt" in the process and I've noticed recently she is becoming more distant with the baby as she is being disciplined to stay away and it just makes me feel really uncomfortable to see her treated that way unnecessarily.