to think my DD is autistic?

[3littlechicks]

While talking to a friend a couple of days ago she was going on about her autistic nephew and how he doesn't make eye contact and that is always an indicator of autism in children. It made me think of my DD who is 11 turning 12 in January. I have three children, 10, 11 and 12.

DD2 almost always made eye contact as a toddler but now she's nearly 12 I've just noticed she doesn't make eye contact at all, and if it looks like she is, she's just looking past your head completely or at your mouth. When I think back to when she was younger I've noticed she showed signs of autism from a young age, for example:

She was a very, very quiet baby and when we'd go and check on her she'd be sitting in her cot silently and staring at nothing. She didn't speak for 6 months in nursery despite being a very confident and playful toddler, and she always wet herself at nursery as well. I know that's normal but she was the only one in nursery that did it and it never happened at home.

She also hated wearing knickers and socks. She'd cry about it and have a full blown tantrum because she loathed the feeling of both. We finally found her a pair she liked wearing just two years ago and we buy seamless socks. It was obviously a sensory issue. One night when she was around 7 the kids had custard with pulp in. She cried because although liking oranges and orange juice with pulp, she hated the feeling of the pulp in the custard. In school she was always daydreaming and fidgeting on the carpet and when the teachers called upon her they realised she was still listening and taking in the information. They eventually gave her a fiddle toy and made her sit at the front. She preferred playing by herself as well with her dollhouse (she still does) but occasionally with her sister. She is mostly on ROBLOX now with my laptop. For Christmas she has asked for toys when her 12 year old sister and 10 year old brother have both asked for "grown-up" things. My DP said this was her last toy year and she sobbed.

There are some more examples but I don't want to make this too long. My DP says that she doesn't have autism and I'm just trying to stick a label on her and that with time in secondary school she will grow up and be normal and that she's just stuck in the stage between little girl and teenager.

I do think she may have Asperger's but DP is adamant she doesn't have anything.

It’s possible neither of you is wrong, you can have autistic traits without meeting sufficient criteria for a label. The lightbulb moment for me was after years of not understanding why dh and dd find life so wearing (they’re always exhausted and frequently get ill) realising how hard they both are working mentally when in any company (even extended family - gp etc).

We also disagree on how far extreme introversion explains a lot of the traits common in our families.

The eye contract is tricky, I wouldn’t take a lot of action without advice - it could be she’s very shy (as am I) or it could be she’s avoiding interaction as she also doesn’t understand. There’s no harm getting some professional input.

The rocking (please ask DP not to tell her to stop) and the obsessive phases would definitely contribute to an ASD profile. I think assessment would be a good road to go down.

If she does have ASD or a similar condition, secondary school is where it often becomes more of a struggle, as the difference in social ability becomes more apparent and there is more chance of bullying and being socially excluded over small matters. Also teachers may be less tolerant of any idiosyncrasies like fiddling and so on.
I agree a diagnosis is not a label but it helps prevent negative labelling as naughty, awkward, disruptive, messy, lazy and others.

I think autism referral is via education now, so might be better to ask for a meeting with the school senco rather than the GP

@pigletpoglet Dear me that list is absurd! Going by that everyone is autistic! A lot of it is contradictory as well.

Referrals for autism assessments are via the GP where I live.

Schools will be asked to provide information on children (their behaviour at school) as part of the assessments, and it’s helpful if they’re willing to support the assessment process, but their input isn’t essential to get referred for assessments in the first place.

Arrrggghh when are people going to stop with the stupid term "labels". It is not a. Label it's a diagnosis which opens doorways to relevant support and help. They don't hand out 'labels' like Smarties.
OpSounds Like there could be something there but we obviously can't know now. I'm sorry but your DH doesn't sound very helpful.. if she does have autism I suggest counselling for you and him, to help him accept her as she is. In my experience and that of many others, father's that are understanding , help children accept their diagnosis quicker and become more confident (mother's seem to accept diagnosis more readily)
In general. Good luck!