Think friend is having me round the corner

[2ManyChoices]

Friend 'borrowed' something from me, actually two items, 18 months ago, asked if they still had them as I was looking for one of them, they replied that I had kindly gifted it to them.

I can't go into detail about item as outing, but it was expensive, I hadn't 'used' it, and I just can't see myself just handing it over, I asked my DIL and she remembered the conversation where I specifically said 'yeah borrow it but I haven't used it so look after it!'

So how the bloody hell do I deal with this? AIBU to feel gaslighted?

Not sure where you stand if you can't prove anything.

Never a borrower or lender be ...... yada yada............

Sorry not much help. Think you will have to write this one off!

I I was you I'd talk to the person again with DIL next to you and ask for it again, state it was a loan not a gift, and that DIL witnessed you saying it was a loan, DIL can then back you up..

Definitely ask for it back, it's yours, and as you say it's expensive...

*if I was you

I have asked for it back and I have had a reply that it, along with the other will be returned, but then nothing, and I feel like I'm going to be accused of making a mountain out of it if I ask again, said friend has form for borrowing stuff and denying all knowledge. Feel like I've been conned and I'm disappointed I've let it happen.

No advice, but what a fabulous turn of phrase!

Not helpful, but I've had this happen twice. As I don't value "friends" who gaslight me this way, I basically made a huge deal out of it until I got the items back, and am no longer in contact with either person. I prefer it this way.

Can't you just visit them and retrieve it?

Dated Letter to them (keep.a copy) that you've asked twice for them the return the item they borrowed. And that if they do not do so within 48 hours you will be reporting the theft to police.

The. Flow.uo with reporting to police (who will give you a crime number)

Then put in a claim via small claims court. They cannot say you gave it to them without (which there isn't) evidence you did so. To your claim you acfccosts of claim (£30 ish) and They'll probably return it or not turn up, then you get a judgement. Or a judge that hears their 'evidence you gave it to them' and decides. You don't lose much other and have all to gain, than risking losing the £30 court fees and a bit of effort in time /documents.

Have you get screenshots of texts saying they'll return it? All very helpful in terms of evidence as well

Sorry about typos.

"Sorry CF Friend, I think there has been a misunderstanding as I loaned you x item on the basis it would be returned to me, and I really need it back now. I'll be around next Saturday to collect it. Thanks"

Yes try @violetbunny's text first! I've jumped ahead!

But I would add in " misunderstanding on your part..."

If no joy, then go official letter etc. later. But don't leave it too long.

is it something you could need to use?so you could be asking because you want to use it now?if that makes sense.
that way you could say "sorry to bother you again but I really need it as we want to use it for... or put it...." or even who it was from or your dp or family member were asking about it and want to see it?not knowing what it is I cant say what you could say sorry.
but it is yours.so don't back down.
if she taken something and kept it and now not giving it back she isn't caring enough about you for you to now be over worried about offending her with asking for it back.
you don't need to be nasty and can be firm and still nice with it.so just stick with it.

As above PP have said, don't worry about offending someone that has thick enough skin to try this, and has form . Don't worry about their feelings as they don't care a jot about yours.

Say it firmly and clearly and either go yourself, or if you really must bring someone else into it do you don't have to see them... "hi CF, I need Xx back so DIL will pop round for me on XX at Xx time. Cheers!

She's lost it or broken it.

What's the item value? Not totally relevant but would gauge how far I would push for it back

Yes, definitely go and do this in person and wait there until she has physically handed the things over.