Maybe IABU but I'm struggling with DH at the moment.
He probably has some sort of ASD but doesn't accept this. I don't know whether to push for a dx or not.
He's approaching 50 so I don't know how much use there would be.
So the problem is that all his relationship behaviours are learned.
I'm his first relationship, we've been together approaching 10 year and have 1 DS
I can't get him to talk to me. Or offer any kind of support. I don't know if I'm being unrealistic.
A few weeks ago I asked him if he ever felt lonely or that I didn't understand him. He said not.
I said that's how I feel all the time. I'm lonely and he doesn't understand. He's not said anything about this since.
Everything in our lives is predictable and repetitive. As a cohabiter and parent he's great. He pulls his weight, does his share of housework, never minds me going out, or away with the girls. On paper we have a great relationship.
But there is no intimacy, or romance. I get a peck on the cheek twice a day.
We haven't had sex in months.
He goes to bed really early and gets up early. I go much later and get up later.
We both work. I've tried date night and even nights away. He just doesn't talk to me.
I have a stressful job, him less so. When he comes home from work, he never talks about it. He totally compartmentalises life. Talks work at work. Talks home at home, but even then, it's only things relating to the house or DS
When I say I've had a rough day and try to tell him about it, he's not interested. If I tell him about an incident or problem, he says OK babe.
An open question is met with I don't know.
It's impossible to have a conversation with him.
I go out so much because I need adult conversation and interaction.
I had some counselling to deal with anxiety which has helped enormously.
My counsellor thinks he's autistic and suggests that what I can't get from my relationship, I get elsewhere. So basically to continue seeing my friends a lot.
She recommended a book about living with an autistic partner that says I should lower my expectations.
But a part of me thinks that's not fair on me.
His behaviour hasn't changed in the years I've known him. But what I need has. He has no emotions. Or if he does they are buried deep. He never expresses any at all.
I have to also think about DS. I'm careful to make sure that I openly communicate with him as I don't want him to learn the same behaviour as his dad.
I'm not going to go elsewhere for intimacy. That would be wrong on every level. But at the same time am I being unreasonable to want some emotional connection, intimacy and interaction?
So is there a way to get back from this? Would counselling help? He's no clue that I'm so unhappy.