To leave DH to deal with a tantrum I caused

[Allfednonedead]

I am hiding in the bedroom trying to calm down after losing my temper with DD1 (age 5). She’s been a pain all afternoon, including being very stroppy when I said it was time to leave the party. When we got home after walking through the pouring rain, she jumped in the bath DH had run in preparation. Then proceeded to demand I bring her a drink of water. Which I got her, but then went to change out of my own wet clothes.
She complained loudly that I hadn’t brought fizzy water, ignoring me pointing out that I was changing. When she said she would pour her cup of water into the floor if I didn’t bring fizzy water, I lost it.
I marched into the bsthroom and yanked her out of the bath. (Not hurting her, but I would never normally lift her up out of the bath).
She was furious. And I realised if I stayed I would burst into tears of rage, so I left.
DH is furious with me, but then he ignored her yelling at me, despite being sat in the next room.
AIBU to say I’m not coming out till I’ve calmed down?

It’s not helping that DD2 (they’re twins) is insisting on being with me. She isn’t being too demanding, but she keeps wriggling and making pathetic ‘cuddle me’noises.

Ah gosh- we’ve all had those moments. If I’m honest, if you aren’t currently in control of your emotions, then staying out of the way is the best way.... he’s a grown up and currently (presumably) in control of his..... kids..... they do push our buttons sometimes. I’d also tell DD2 that you need a few moments of privacy and that means that she needs to leave the room....

Did I post this?? I have DD twins age 5 and I sometimes have to hand over to my DH when enough is enough!! you ANBU!

I think that it would be the right and sensible thing to do, to get him to deal with it. I remember all too well what it is like to get so cross with a child - and dh does too - and there were plenty of occasions where the calm parent dealt with the aftermath of the falling-out, whilst the riled parent had a few minutes (and, in my case, a gin) and calmed down.

Now that I’m calming down slightly, I have the joy of remembering DD1’s aganised wails ‘My bath, my beautiful bath!’ as she slithered and twisted her little naked self to try and get back into her beautiful bath.
She is a fiend.

Agonised.

Yep she was pushing your buttons. Fine to not deal with it but dh should have your back

I think there must be a school which teaches them which buttons to press, and how to do it!

What the heck are you pandering to her demands for drinks for whilst she's in the bath??
Who is the parent here??

Getting her a drink of water was because she has an inflatable drinks holder that she’s very excited about.
But in general, she is infinitely stronger willed than me, so I’m normally careful to choose my battles. Luckily, she’s mostly very sensible so when she does ask for stuff, it’s fine.
Losing my temper hardly ever happens, but I am premenstrual and really struggling not to bite everyone around me.

One day you’ll laugh at this, but that day is not today. Try this the next time YOU are in the bath and see how reasonable your Husband thinks it is. Dramatic genius for “my bath, beautiful bath “

Time to remind your DH that you both need to work as a team and he should back you up.

Why did your DH not deal with her if you were changing? If you came in soaked, surely he could have dealt and given you a break?

The OP probably got the water so that a young child didn't have to be left alone in a bath.

Oh dear it is very irritating being treated like the butler isn’t it

They sort of don’t know? But if you had been on party detail and got soaked in the process while your dh had a lovely sit down at home, he should have taken over everything when you got in until you’d got yourself dry and warm really. I imagine if you’d not been piss wet through and freezing you’d have had a better sense of humour about it. And he just sat on his arse while this was all happening? Nope yanbu

Im with you, sister.

I’m currently pretending to be at the gym (lying on the sofa with a blanket and vodka) so my 5 and 2 year olds will give me a minutes peace, and DH can put them to bed for once.

I’ve been infinitely patient Monday to Friday, but my period arrived this morning and the face touching, tummy kicking and constant fucking whinging has tipped me over the edge. It’s a team effort. We’re allowed to lose our shit once in a while, knowing there’s another competent adult who can deal with the aftermath.

Oh, when DDs are playing up for one parent and the child starts having a tantrum, the other parent steps in, this has kind of happened naturally. We didn't realise we did it until a year or so ago.
The reason for this is...

1. The 2nd parent is a lot more calm so will help the child out of the tantrum in a more efficient manner.

1. It shows a united front.

And 3... we learned that the child will listen to the other parent and will understand why parent 1 said 'no'

It works for us, when both parents are home.

Your husband should def be dealing with tantrum. If he ran bath sounds like he was in while you were out dealing with party and getting soaked, you should have had a beautiful bath yourself at this point. I’m afraid I enjoyed that bath scene you described and can picture the unbearable sadness of the abandoned inflatable drinks holder. kids are insane and you have double and are fighting the good fight with regards to sanity and calmness. (I enjoyed your use of fiend)

Beside the point, i suppose, but fizzy water is very acidic and will cause enamel erosion -- you may as well be giving your child fruit juice or cola. A five year old doesn't need sparkling water ffs.