How much does your child know about your financial situation?

[KC225]

Background. DH was made redundant in September but we knew it was coming. It looks like there will be another job mid January, he is in talks but nothing certain as yet. He has picked up some causal work, one or two days week but obviously not what he was earning.

We have 11 year old twins. They know Daddy was made redundant and is looking for work and I have told them we may need to make changes. But that is it and as activities are paid yearly over here there has been very little impact on their lives.

So with Christmas coming up, I sat them down and said you can't have as much this year, there is a budget of £50.00 each to choose a main present. This has been put aside from earlier in the year as I love Christmas but refuse to put it on a credit cards. The children will also have a stockings of Tiger type stuff picked up throughout the year plus two decent surprise gifts each I bought in the UK summer sales. Both have accepted this year will be different and seem fine about it.

Today, I was talking to a friend with children around the same age and repeated the above papragraph. She said that I wrong to burden them with our financial problems and it will have long term damaging effects, making them anxious and insecure. I should add here, that although the house is being renovated we have no mortgage and can afford to live in it. She said we shouldn't have told them about the redundancy as they will be lying in bed at night worrying and we will ruin their innocence.

It got me thinking, is this right? In this day and age when there are no jobs for life, people are in an out of work, is this realistic? Is redundancy or being out of work something to be ashamed of in 2018? How much do you tell the children? How much do your children know about your finances?

I think this is absolutely fine. I would do the same.

Ours know lots. They are 10 and 13. I think it's good for them to know what things cost, what we bring in, and how we juggle it all to manage as well as we do.

I think what you said is fine,, but I do also think you need to tell them daddy will get a job, they won’t lose their home and nothing bad is going to happen.

I knew we were struggling for cash when I was growing up but I never knew exactly how bad or okay things were. I feel like this was almost the worst of both worlds as I used to know enough to worry but not enough to limit my worrying. It's left me (frankly) a fanancially paranoid adult.

I've saved nearly 50% of my income since I first started work. Some of those savings have been spent (e.g. buying a house) but I don't think my attitude is normal.

I wanted new towels for a year before I bought them, I only had third hand (minimum 15 ora20 years old) before that. I know my parents think things like new towels are unnecessary and frivolous. They have only ever had second hand.

I'm not sure their method has ingrained a healthy attitude to money really.

I think you did the right thing.
DC don’t know exactly how much we earn but they are told they are lucky that we can afford most things and aren’t having to choose between food and heating like some families.
They also overhear conversations about being careful this month as we have eg both car and house insurance to pay.

Your friend is wrong. For most families across the world the financial situation of the parents is plain to see. Making adjustments for a change of circumstances is an excellent lesson.

Children are fine to understand about money. However, if you look worried or scared - that could affect them.

I have two sons who have a knack of jumping on furniture/throwing things/wrestling (they aren’t allowed to do any of this!) and I told them if they break things we won’t have as much money for Christmas presents. Our dishwasher broke completely two weeks ago so we had to buy a new one. My 7 year old was looking sad so I asked him why. He said that he was sad we couldn’t have as much at Christmas as things have broken and needed to be replaced! They do take on more than we realise. That being said, I knew my Christmas present budget at 11 so I don’t think that is a bad thing. Perhaps reassure that dad will start work again soon and maybe plan a good day out for when he’s earning again.

YANBU. I think that was a perfectly reasonable thing to tell them

All the replies are so interesting, thank you. I think I had never really given it much thought - what was age was 'financially' appropriate. There is lots of talk about anatomical body parts and sex education how much hey should know at certain ages, but not how much they should know about family finances and money.

I felt fine telling them there had been a change in circumstances with less money coming in, because, at the moment DH's redundancy has been a win win for them - DH doing school pick ups, him helping out at their activities and being around more.

As a poster above said, children are like hounds at that age - they would have got 2+2=5.

It's hard to know where my friend's attitude comes from. Her childhood was pretty stable, I could understand if she was shunted from pillar to post but her parents are still living in the house she grew up in. She does try to keep things 'magical'. Maybe it's that old fashioned - talking about money is vulgar. I suppose I've never noticed it before today.

A proclivity for 'keeping the magic' can also be borne of a lack of respect for children's capacities, IMHO. Plus, lack of understanding about how anxiety works. Nothing, nothing worse as a kid than knowing something is not quite right but being told that everything is fine.

I wouldn't worry where her belief comes from to be honest. Make your own mind up and be comfortable in that.

I think it's fine. People in general can be weird about money and I don't really get it. DS has asked how much out house was and how much DH earns before (curiosity I think) but I said he didn't need to know, but actually I can't think why that needs to be kept private.

We have plenty for what we need and can save for bigger stuff, never want for anything but aren't rolling in it, that's what we've told them. Money used to be tighter and they knew and understood that. Tbh, I have an Excel spreadsheet in the study with our exact income and detailed expenditure, they could see it if they really wanted to, although I suspect they haven't taken any notice. I think it's good for children to learn about finances from a young age. DCs get pocket money and we use it as a way to teach them about saving for things (DS is definitely a fritterer).

As I child, I watched my mum work full time, in a stressful job she hated to keep a roof over our heads when my parents separated. She was skint, totally brassic at points, and clothed herself in charity shops for years. We camped or went to Butlins with Sun holiday vouchers while my friends holidayed abroad. It hasn’t done me or my brother any harm. If anything, it made us really understand the value of money and hard graft. As young adults, when my cousins were being repeatedly bailed out financially by my aunts, my brother and I were supporting ourselves and would never have dreamed of asking our parents for money. I had part time jobs from age 15, as did my brother, and we both worked to support ourselves through uni - no allowances for us. Yes, it was a bit crap when we didn’t have the latest gear growing up but I’m so proud and in awe of my mum for how she got through that period of her life. I don’t think it will do your children any harm realise that things can be tough financially if anything it will teach them some really important life lessons.

Your friend is an idiot.

You’re doing fine.

Mine are younger but we talk money a bit. I think I’d have done what you did in your situation.