"Why is Mum such a bitch?"

[ThatOneHurt]

I've just had an arguement with DH. About money (we have none) and moving house (it's stressful).

I ended up shouting that I'm happy where we are. The kids are happy where we are.

He said that our eldest isn't happy. I asked why and he refused to say. I pressed him for an answer because this is news to me. He kept refusing to say. I said I would have to ask him myself, because I need to know if something is wrong.

DH then says this

"DS says to me, 'why is mum such a bitch t me and my friends?'"

DH refuses to explain further. This isn't the first time they have been in cahoots behind my back, I've posted about this once before.

The only thing I can think of is that DS has lots of friends. Some are good and some aren't so good. Some steal and jump on garage roofs and are out til late and have phones all night. I also ground him when he's repeatedly done things wrong.

I don't allow DS (nearly 12) to do any of these things and I've no doubt that all his friends think I'm a bitch.

But now apparently he slays me off to DH and I very much got the impression that DH wouldn't exactly be sticking up for me.

I don't know what to do. DH is currently being a massive arsehole and now DS thinks fit to speak about me like that to him.

What the fuck do I do?

Or do I just ignore it?

Is it normal for father and son to bitch about the mother?

It wasn't normal when I was growing up.

Definitely not normal, he’s supposed to show a united front when talking to the kids, and talk to you in private if he disagrees with you etc!

Kids always feel hard done to, no way should he be feeding that!

What has he done to discipline your son for referring to you as a bitch? I’m really mad on your behalf x

I don’t think it’s normal or acceptable. Parents should put on a united front.

It also sounds irrelevant to the discussion about moving - if DS is angry about you not liking his friends that doesn’t mean he’s unhappy ‘here’ vs ‘there’.

For what it’s worth you sound like you are doing a great job not letting DS get away with things. Sometimes I think being considered a bitch as a parent of a teenager probably means you are on the right track.

Or reprimand at the least!

What has he done to discipline your son for referring to you as a bitch?
Absolutely nothing. Which I pointed out. DH said he does, I just haven't heard it .

• if DS is angry about you not liking his friends that doesn’t mean he’s unhappy ‘here’ vs ‘there’. Quite. And I said that. DH back tracked and said he never said DS was unhappy here (that's exactly what he said), which I can only assume was why he was stalling for so long when I was asking him why DS was unhappy. Then clearly remembered a conversation in which they had a bitching session about me and thought he would use that instead.

What has he done to discipline your son for referring to you as a bitch?
Sorry I misread that.
I expect he agreed with DS, rather than told him off.

Your teenager api da pretty normal.

Your husband sounds like a twat

I am appalled that your DH has these kinds of conversations with your DS. Whilst I believe a dad needs to listen to his children the idea that they are ‘ganging up’ on you is terrible.

I think you and DH need to have a sit down, well away from the kids and discuss effective joint parenting. If you can not work on this together and work together to support your DS make positive decisions at aged 12 you are both setting yourselves up for things to get much worse with his behaviour / friends as he gets older and is harder to control.

I am sure there must be some good resources on the internet / books that could help you work together. Parenting is a joint thing and you have to work together or kids will rule the roost.

Good luck

I agree that it's normal to a certain extent.
I used to think my mum was a bitch. But no way would I have been able to say that to my Dad!

The fact that DH is being a twat is justifying DS saying that about me. Which will allow him to grow into a twat.