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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is dh being more childish than me?

23 replies

SheSparkles · 10/11/2018 16:02

An electrical item wasn’t working and dh was lying on the sofa that’s in front of the socket it’s plugged into. I asked dh to move so I could get to the socket, hitch he did. Whilst I was on my hands and knees, and discovered the item was unplugged and was plugging it back in, dh said “let me do it”, to which I replied “it’s ok I don’t need a penis to put a plug in a socket “ (in a joking way).

He’s flounced off to watch the tv in th kitchen, complaining about how I speak to him.

AIBU to be half amused/half pissed off at him (huffiness is one of his less pleasant personality traits)

OP posts:
user1465335180 · 10/11/2018 16:56

Oh you spolit his chance to be manly for you OP, how unkind! Seriously,
men do love to think you can't manage some things and the crack about not needing a penis probably cut to the bone

PawPawNoodle · 10/11/2018 17:06

I don't think you needed to speak to him like that - you could have just said ' no thanks'. Not everything a man says is to be misogynistic, maybe he just wanted to do it so he could sit back down again straight away.

JellieEllie · 10/11/2018 17:08

Agree with @PolPotNoodle probably just wanted you to hurry up so he could sit back down.

BackforGood · 10/11/2018 17:08

What PolPot said.
Do you always speak to him like that?
Are you always rude when people offer to help you ? Hmm

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 10/11/2018 17:16

Well, having said appendages didn't help him to discover the problem in the first place.

Original poster
SheSparkles · 10/11/2018 17:31

Oh come on, I had the plug in my hand about to put it in the socket-how would him doing it have made it quicker?

And @PolPotNoodle and @BackforGood I clearly stated that I said it is a joking tone!

OP posts:
Alfie190 · 10/11/2018 17:38

If it was definitely a jokey tone then he is being a bit of a baby.

NameChangeToAvoidBeingFound · 10/11/2018 17:46

My friends and family joke like that all the time and there is no issue. He's being a baby.

PawPawNoodle · 10/11/2018 17:58

So what if it's a joking tone? If for example I called you a fucking bitch in a joking tone, the fact that I meant it lightheartedly doesn't take away from the fact that what I said was mean and unnecessary. I maintain that what you said was OTT and that you handled it badly.

Why post in AIBU if you only want to hear that you were right and to get a big communal pat on the back for how right-on you are?

Original poster
SheSparkles · 10/11/2018 18:02

Polpot I don’t think what I said was anything like on a par with calling someone a fucking bitch....I was actually coming on to say that I definitely meant it as a joke, to me it was a joking tone, ut maybe it didn’t translate, so no I wasn’t looking for a communal pat on the back

OP posts:
PawPawNoodle · 10/11/2018 18:06

The fact is that he clearly didn't take it as a joke and you've offended him. My comparison is to illustrate that the tone you say something in (or indeed your intentions) doesn't dictate how a person should feel about what you said.

You have humiliated your partner to his face and then come online to a forum full of women hoping that everyone will agree that he's a big whiny baby.

Maelstrop · 10/11/2018 18:08

Why did you say that? It's weird. If I'd said that to my dh, he'd be pissed off too. Regardless of tone, it is a really odd thing to say. Why not just say no thanks, I'm doing it?

Blanchedupetitpois · 10/11/2018 18:15

He was just offering to help. I don’t think you needed to be rude back.

Monday55 · 11/11/2018 02:38

The offense was taken that means he didn't get your joke or your tone was definitely off or you just don't have the same humour. I'd still apologise that you didn't mean to offend him. That's the right thing to do.

If someone offends you without meaning it, you'd still expect an apology.

DoJo · 11/11/2018 02:49

Even if the OP's joke missed the mark, I can't see how her husband's offer of help was anything other than patronising. She had the plug in her hand was next to the socket- how much 'help' could she possibly have needed?

araiwa · 11/11/2018 03:40

Wow youre so amazing sticking it up to the patriachy like that with your sublime wit and right-on approach

MyShinyWhiteTeeth · 11/11/2018 04:18

It seems clearly patronising to me. I can easily put batteries into a child's toy or change a light bulb but some men struggle to accept that a woman really doesn't need any help doing so.

I think some men feel emasculated by capable women.

BusterGonad · 11/11/2018 04:34

Your response sounds OTT to me, but I don't see everything as a sexism issue. I really wouldn't have a argument over who plugs in the appliance, I'd save my breath for something more important tbh.

blackcat86 · 11/11/2018 04:38

Its so annoying when DH interrupts me half way through a task to then offer to do said task (that's nearly finished) and then expects a load of praise for it. Let him flounce off if he's going to be a big baby.

Rachelover40 · 11/11/2018 04:40

P'raps his penis isn't in good working order and you touched a nerve, have you tried it recently ;}.

moredoll · 11/11/2018 04:41

Your DH is being silly.
And a lot of PPs are being "holy Willie's", as Robert Burns would have said.

AjasLipstick · 11/11/2018 05:04

Why the hell would he tell you he'd do it when you were literally IN THE ACT of doing it?

People are frigging weird.

Original poster
SheSparkles · 11/11/2018 08:59

Thanks for the responses, I really am not a bitch wife from hell and we do generally get on very well, sharing a similar sense of humour, but maybe on this occasion I was a bit misjudged and he was over sensitive to a meaning that wasn’t my intention-anyway we were all good within 15 minutes of it happening

OP posts:
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