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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is she a CF or AIBU?

59 replies

DailyMailFail101 · 10/11/2018 15:01

My brother is a manager of a DIY superstore. My SIL (brothers sister) just rang asking me if my DB still worked as the manager, as she has seen some things she wants and wanted to use his discount, think more along the lines of full bathroom suite rather than a tin of paint. I was so taken aback on the phone I just didn’t know what to say, she reeled her list Off then put the phone down.

There’s no way I can ask my DB to buy these things I’d be far to embarrassed., it’s put me in an awkward position.

I’m not close to SIL at all, she does things like this all the time, if we go out for a meal my husband always pays she has never paid for us. She has been to meals at our house and we have never eaten at her home. I have looked after My nephew for her but she has never looked after my children. Her husband is a plumber we asked him to do a job for us once he charged us full price (and didn’t even fix the problem, had to get sombody else in) no family discount even though my husband has given them free legal advice.

I really can not ask my DB to get these things for her, what can I say to her she is a CF isn’t she? , or AIBU?

OP posts:
DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 10/11/2018 16:05

It can be daunting when a relative rings up out of the blue and surprises you with a forceful to do list, so i can understand why the OP was still trying to grapple with what was being asked of her and trying to work out a response.
Text or email firmly so she can't interrupt making it clear the answer is no. Tell your brother what 's gone on so he knows that you have turned her down on his behalf and will be ready with an answer if she decides to contact him to double check.
You now know what to expect from her so you can be better prepared to say things like "I m not sure that would even be possible. I think its unlikely, I will find out and get back to you " gives you time to think next time. Good luck.

Nanny0gg · 10/11/2018 16:06

She is husband's SiL!

dontalltalkatonce · 10/11/2018 16:13

There’s no way I can ask my DB to buy these things I’d be far to embarrassed., it’s put me in an awkward position.

Look, the only one making this awkward is you. There's no need for drama. You just message her back, 'It's not possible for you to use his discount in this way. It's very strictly controlled and only for people in his household in order to avoid abuse, a sackable offense, so it's not on to even think of asking someone to put their job at risk.' Or you message her that he's no longer working there.

And stop going out with her! Or if you do, message her beforehand. 'Our budget no longer extends to treating you. If you are unable to afford to pay for yourself let me know so we can make other arrangements.' Then you ask for separate cheques upon ordering.

pinkyredrose · 10/11/2018 16:13

Wouldn't your brothers sister also be your sister? Whoever she is you and your DH need to stop doing favours for them, they're taking you for granted.

Stephisaur · 10/11/2018 16:23

Just say to your husband “SIL called wanting to ask something about your store. Can you call her?”

Then, it’s his decision to make and she can ask him herself! She’s being a CF though.

Stephisaur · 10/11/2018 16:23

Sorry, brother - not husband!

CallMeRachel · 10/11/2018 16:32

Send her a text saying it's best if she talks to him herself, and give her his phone number.

Wtf!! No way should you give out his number to this CF!! Bonkers advice.

I'd ignore her.

The relationship in the op confused me to which made it very hard to understand but I'm assuming op meant husbands sister instead of brothers sister.

Aeroflotgirl · 10/11/2018 16:35

Oh god she is one of life's chancers, than it would be easy to ignore her. Or tell her it is for DB immediate family only.

Aeroflotgirl · 10/11/2018 16:36

Op must have meant her brothers wife.

CallMeRachel · 10/11/2018 16:38

But surely her brothers wife would not be asking her for discount as it would be her husband who's the store manager?
Unless there are two brothers... 😂

lynxca16 · 10/11/2018 16:41

Don't do anything - ignore that you even got the call as sometimes cheeky people just do it to see how/what reaction they get!

If she rings again tell her she would need to contact DB directly.

Get on with and enjoy your own weekend - do not allow her phone call to annoy you.

Aeroflotgirl · 10/11/2018 16:42

Awww geese I am confused, but she sounds like a right CF.

Whereismumhiding2 · 10/11/2018 16:45

What @dontalltalkatonce said for both things.

She is a CF and so is her DH. So polish off your "No"s. Grin
She doesn't sound very nice, so why are you being overly nice back? Calmly call it as you see it!

DrFoxtrot · 10/11/2018 16:45

The relationship of the potential CF to your brother does make a difference about whether they are indeed a CF.

I suspect it's the OPs husbands sister, otherwise the potential CF might have approached the brother herself.

AfterSchoolWorry · 10/11/2018 16:46

I just wouldn't bother getting back to her.

If she contacts you back just say 'ah, sorry that's not happening'.

mummmy2017 · 10/11/2018 16:55

Why are you confused about relationship...
OP has a brother.who is manager..
Op has husband...

Husband had a brother of his own.
Husbandd sibling is CFs husband...

mummmy2017 · 10/11/2018 16:57

Forgot... Yeah CF might be husbands sister...

AcrossthePond55 · 10/11/2018 17:03

The most I'd do would be to call my brother and say "You won't believe the bonkers thing SiL said to me and reel off her list. Let him laugh and say "What a CF she is!".

Then your DH (who is after all the sibling to the CF) can call SiL and say "No, it won't be possible".

SchadenfreudePersonified · 10/11/2018 17:10

It will more than likely be in your DB's contract that staff discounts are very strictly controlled.

What Raffles says. Stuff like a tin of paint you can probably pretty much go to town on - stuff like a full bathroom suite, he's probably only allowed one every 10 years or something. If he gets the stuff for her (even if he wanted to), it would mean that HE would have to pay full price if he wanted to change his own bathroom any time within the next decade.

She really is a cheeky cow!

SchadenfreudePersonified · 10/11/2018 17:12

Also charge them all price for any legal advice in future. Or indeed, more -nothing to say "mates' rates" can't go up as well as down . . .

Whereismumhiding2 · 10/11/2018 17:34

There's two types of CF requests. Those that are unintended CF requests and from someone who can explain to. And those who are Outright CFs who contsantly CF ask for favours, not caring who it puts out, like your SIL and SILDH.

With Outright CFs there's a very effective way to deal with them. Just reply "No Thankyou" to every request. Don't argue or explain as they don't care and they want opportunity to debate why you should do it. It'll throw them as they are the ones who are asking the favour but reply "No Thankyou" each time. Keep it deadpan in delivery.

Can you ask DBro to...?
No Thankyou

We'll take it in turns, you pay this time...?
No Thankyou.

As you are going past, you can give us a lift . ... ?
No Thankyou.

Can you have Johnny for us sat night? / We need you to take Johnny to his ballet lessons each Monday as you're there.. ?
No Thankyou...

But but but... It will be easily for you to domas...blah blah....?

"No Thankyou, I've got to go, dinner is cooking/I've company here/ I'm in the midst of something. Bye" (& put the phone down/close the door...)

Try it,.... it really works! I've bad experience of a few Outright CFs in my life and found shutting them then down like this was the only method that stopped me from being manipulated or worn down by badgering when I said no or from being constantly out of pocket or time to OutrightCF people who would never return any equal favours to help me out.

I'll help all my friends out but not Outright CFs and I don't need to apologise nor justify that to anyone.

SuchAToDo · 10/11/2018 17:39

My SIL (brothers sister)

Wouldn't your brothers sister also be YOUR sister?..Confused

Tell her it's not for you to ask him...tell her it's his staff discount and if she wants the items using his staff discount, she should at least have the courtesy to ask him herselfHmm...of course he might just tell her no and he is well within his right to do that

GiantKitten · 10/11/2018 17:43

“Brother’s sister” is clearly a typo for “husband’s sister”

Any other explanation makes no sense at all 🙄

GiantKitten · 10/11/2018 17:45

Well, not a typo, a brain fart Grin

Ellisandra · 10/11/2018 17:46

I don’t think she’s cheeky to ask.
He’s only going to say yes if it is possible, so no harm asking. Who wouldn’t want a discount?

I get a discount with a phone company that I’m allowed to share outside of my household, my friend works for a clothing store and is allowed to give her discount to friends (lower %). It’s a marketing thing in both cases, encourages employees / customers to encourage other customers.

She may think he can share the discount - especially as he’s the manager.

So why is it wrong to ask?

No drama here, just say “sorry, no can do - it’s same household only”.