Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would this be ok to put on a party invite?

27 replies

PartyForMySNDD · 10/11/2018 12:59

DD will be 4 in the New Year and I’m writing invites for her birthday party. She loves parties and is very popular but doesn’t like wrapping paper (she has SN), she doesn’t even cope with giving wrapped presents and previously I have explained to parents that she doesn’t like wrapping paper and they understand and say she can give it unwrapped – she doesn’t like gift bags either so that’s not an option. I think it’s the surprise element of it she doesn’t like.

So was thinking of putting “If you bring a present please do not wrap it up, I don’t like surprises and find it much more fun to know what I am getting. Please do include a tag though so I can thank you myself afterwards”

Will that be ok? There’s around 30 invited so it’ll be really scary if she gets 30 wrapped presents. Or do I just not put it and unwrap them myself before I let her have them?

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 10/11/2018 13:11

That’s absolutely fine. I’d happily not wrap.

Timeforabiscuit · 10/11/2018 13:13

Happily not wrap here too!

HopeGarden · 10/11/2018 13:13

Sounds fine to me.

Givemeallyourcucumber · 10/11/2018 13:14

Sounds clear to me and I would respect your DCs wishes. Go for it.

Di11y · 10/11/2018 13:16

rather than I don't like surprises perhaps dont bother with wrapping paper or gift bags, surprises make me nervous.

could you wrap a giant cardboard box for all the parents to put the gift into so it's harder for children to compare?

ItsNiceItsDifferentItsUnusual · 10/11/2018 13:18

I agree 'surprises make me nervous' is being more clear than 'I don't like surprises'. The latter could be taken as diva-ish by those who don't know her well?

Original poster
PartyForMySNDD · 10/11/2018 13:18

dont bother with wrapping paper or gift bags, surprises make me nervous.

I like that better

Cardboard box won't work because she doesn't like wrapping paper at all but I could ask a couple of friends to stand on the door and take presents off children and take them out of sight as I've hired a while building and there's a few rooms we won't be using.

OP posts:
Rachelover40 · 10/11/2018 13:22

What you have said sounds about right.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 10/11/2018 13:46

TBH, I would put it in a friendly email as an after thought as you've explained it to us..
Other wise it could sound a like bit of an order in short form on an invite People reading just the invite who don't know the background may not understand why. I think suggestion of a big box or basket to put all the unwrapped gifts which have a label on it, is a really good idea.
I hope you and your DD have a wonderful time at your party.

SoupDragon · 10/11/2018 13:48

Rather than write an explanation as if it was from your DD, I would include a note explaining it in straightforward terms to the parent as you have in the OP.

chemenger · 10/11/2018 13:49

It’s fine to have that on the invitation but I would definitely have someone stationed at the door to take presents and unwrap if necessary. I’m past the birthday party stage but I’m sure I would only have read the date, time and location! You can also explain more explicitly when people rsvp. What about cards? Same problem with envelopes?

Original poster
PartyForMySNDD · 10/11/2018 13:50

I will be putting my mobile number on the invites and Nursery party invite etiquette is to text the host the RSVP so I could send a text round after just saying she has SN. Not sure if that's ruder as it assumes they will be bringing a present, and I wouldn't want to offend or assume.

OP posts:
PiperPublickOccurrences · 10/11/2018 13:51

Please don't write a message as if it's from your DD. Something along the lines of "no wrapped presents please, Child'sName finds wrapped presents worrying and upsetting."

Original poster
PartyForMySNDD · 10/11/2018 13:51

Envelopes haven't been a problem up to now but she does tend to ignore them and go straight for the toy.

OP posts:
Blatherskite · 10/11/2018 14:15

To avoid looking grabby, I would write a note from you saying something along the lines of 'Of course we don't expect presents but if you would like to bring something then please don't wrap it. DD has SN and finds wrapping paper upsetting.

BertrandRussell · 10/11/2018 14:23

Be careful with “no wrapped presents” - to some people that means give money only! Bizarre, I know, but I got caught out by that one a while ago!

Original poster
PartyForMySNDD · 10/11/2018 14:26

Money would be easier as DD would take it and spend it in the shop but of course I can't ask for money!

Will send a text round with RSVPs I think just saying "Not expecting presents but if you would like to bring something please do not wrap it up or put it into a gift bag as DD has SN and finds it confusing and upsetting"

OP posts:
Worriedmummybekind · 10/11/2018 14:28

Some people are a bit SEN blind so might need it more spelt out. You could say something like my mummy has to unwrap presents before I can enjoy them as I find suprises frightening. If you want to save yourself and my mummy a job do feel free to label with a tag with no wrapping at all!” Then collect all gifts from guests at the door.

Worriedmummybekind · 10/11/2018 14:29

Your suggestion sounds good!

Aeroflotgirl · 10/11/2018 14:32

I would totally be fine with that, as a parent of a child with Autism, I totally get it.

TeddybearBaby · 10/11/2018 14:32

Absolutely fine!!

user139328237 · 10/11/2018 14:41

It really depends on the type of parents that are in the class. In the vast majority of cases it'll be fine but a certain type of parent will see it as an invitation to be competitive over the value of present bought (as everyone else will see the present) which may make poorer families uncomfortable. It is also definitely unacceptable to use any wording that would hint towards money being wanted.
Honestly it may be better just to have someone at the door to take the presents away and then unwrap them yourselves before giving them to your DD after the party, or to ask for no presents at all.

Isleepinahedgefund · 10/11/2018 15:10

I think it would be better to head them off at the door and have someone unwrap them elsewhere.

If you say “no presents”, people will still bring presents.

This is the kind of problem that you need to solve in a way that utilises what you can control. You cannot control what 30 parents choose to do - compete on value of present, ignore your wishes, lost the invite, forgot, thought you were nuts, etc etc - but you can control the gifts when they arrive, put in place a plan for someone to be vigilant and whisk them away and unwrap them, put the present table outside the room so people can put gifts on there before going in, keep you DD occupied at the other end of the room, job done. If I was coming to your party I’d happily do what you’ve requested but to be honest I’d probably forget, then it would be my responsibility and I’d feel bad. That’s not fair.

Shednik · 10/11/2018 15:13

People are over thinking this. What you said, or "surprises make me nervous" will be absolutely fine. I'd put it on the invitation as if from your dd like you suggested. It sounds friendlier and is more straightforward :-)

TeddybearBaby · 10/11/2018 15:39

I think it’d be a real shame and really wasteful for presents to be wrapped and then unwrapped by someone else immediately, seems unnecessary to me. I sometimes put money in a card tbh. Just wondering how she is with cards........