Am I asking too much

[LovelyJustMisunderstood]

Hi, I am just after views if I am expecting too much from my partner.
Excuse the essay but I'm looking for thoughts, suggestions etc.

I'm mid 40s male and my partner is mid 30's. We have been together over 12 years and have 2 children.

Since the birth of our youngest 8 years ago my partner has had no sex drive and one the 2 or 3 occasions a year we do i always have to initiate and she just lays there.

I know things change with current and relationships over time but we are at a point it all seems one sided.

I pay her compliments daily, buy presents and flowers regularly, do the washing, cleaning and about 70% of the cooking. I also help with homework and kid club duties.

I pay all the bills, for the house, children and cars etc and entertainment expenses, be it days out or holidays. I also pay off her credit card every month

My partner does work through her own choice and she keeps and spends whatever she earns.

We get on well but there is no intimacy at all, no kissing, holding hands or cuddling unless i initiate it and then I am left feeling its forced and I'm wrong to want it.

When I try to talk to her about it she says I'm emotionally blackmailing her and the problem is mine. She is not open to counselling.

Her mum and dad split around the time we first got together but got together again after a year or so. However they are not a "close" couple.

We have no financial, health or family issues and our children and "family unit" are great.

I genuinely don't know what more i can do or what to do for the best. Or should i just stop trying to keep the relationship alive and leave or is this normal ??

If she won't talk about it at all and won't see a counsellor then I think you need to have a serious talk with her about where you feel this is heading. It's not good for your children to see a cold and loveless relationship between their parents.

Sounds tough for you actually. I'm not sure what else you can do tbh. Sounds like you've tried most things for her to understand that's she's loved but that you need intimacy.

Could you stay in a marriage with no sex forever? If you can't then sadly the only option you have is to leave.

That sounds though. You have to explain to her that things need to change, she can't realise how unhappy you are. Maybe go for a long walk and talk about it then?

(tough not though)

I agree with PP. Unless you can live in a sex less marriage forever, you've got to put your cards on the table, tell her where you stand and decide together whether you seek counselling or go your separate ways.