To think stbexh needs to be clear about what day he wants to have dcs?

[Zinn]

Dh and I are separating, mainly because he doesn’t want to do any housework or childcare, and he is fed up with me being grumpy about this. We both work full time - this has been an issue since I went back to full time work. Dh has always worked really long hours (whether the job justified it or not). I work in a field where long hours are normal, but obviously I haven’t been able to do this because I’ve been responsible for all the child care.

Anyway, now we’re separating, he says he can’t commit to definitely having the kids one day a week, but he hopes it might even out to one day a week, because some weeks he might take them two (weekend) days, some weeks none. He says I should be flexible about this.

Aibu to think this is totally unfair - not to mention cruel to dcs? He says I am bu but I need to know when I can catch up on work, when I might be able to organise social stuff?

Also, I’m in Australia, where child support is assessed in how many days each parent has children, with the assumption that it will be shared care. Surely he can’t say he has children once a week if he never commits to an actual time?

I put up with ad-hoc arrangements like that for a couple of years until I, and the kids got fed up of never being able to plan anything. I went along with it out of guilt I suppose because it was me that did the breaking up. He used to tell me how he couldn't have certain days off or they couldn't be regular etc etc then I found out that he was miraculously able to plan every single day off in sync with whichever woman he was with at the time!

Anyway, we found that not having a routine or being able to make firm plans was just too unsettling and stressful. In the end I rang him and said he was to have them every other weekend or not at all. If he was to take you to court there would be no way that a judge would say it's ok to have contact as and when father can be arsed!

I took the informal route for a couple of years and it just ended up being a situation where he took the children when it suited him and used me as a glorified babysitter. I couldn’t have a life in case he needed me.

Routine is so important for children- especially when they have a huge change in their lives. They need to know where they are going, when and with who.

You also deserve a life and it doesn’t have to revolve around his.

If he’s not willing to readily commit to a schedule I’d go and see a solicitor pronto- I’d actually do that anyway- just to see what your best option for the kids is.