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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to except this..

43 replies

sophisticatedsarcasm · 09/11/2018 20:29

My nan died almost 2 months ago, non of us knew till she died that she had life insurance. At first glance we thought she only had £7000 which was more than enough to pay for her funeral with some left over for her outstanding bills, when we got the paperwork through it was actually 18000, we were all shocked but naturally the money was split between my mum, my uncle and aunt. Mums just came up to me and gave me £500. I tried for 10 minutes to not take it explaining she should keep it. I’ve never taken money from her except for Christmas or birthday. She said she’d given some to my brother so she’s giving some to me. I told her I didn’t want it but she’s not having any of it. She said she’s not giving my little sister any, I offered to split mine and she told me no as she doesn’t need it. I really want my mum to keep it but she won’t take it back.... 😖

OP posts:
Rainatnight · 09/11/2018 20:30

You haven't really explained why you don't want to accept it. On the face of it, seems like a nice thing?

greendale17 · 09/11/2018 20:31

Just bloody take it! Your Nan would have wanted you to have something

Rhynswynd · 09/11/2018 20:31

It is ok yo take a gift from your mum. Enjoy it leading up to Christmas.

Carpetglasssofa · 09/11/2018 20:33

I think your nan would have wanted you to have it. Stick it in an account for now, think about what you'd like to do with it later. Flowers

Pinkprincess1978 · 09/11/2018 20:33

Why wouldn't you take it? It's a bit weird her not giving any to your sister (unless she is incredibly rich rather than just well off) it wouldn't sit comfortably with me.

ScreamingValenta · 09/11/2018 20:33

I'm sorry for the loss of your nan Flowers. If your mum would like you to have it, you should accept it. Your mum probably thinks it's what your nan would have wanted.

BackforGood · 09/11/2018 20:35

I'm not understanding why you wouldn't want to accept it either Confused
Do you want to explain more, as it seems a bit odd to me. It is a very normal thing for your Mum to do except the bit where she is excluding your sister.

kitkatsky · 09/11/2018 20:38

You haven't explained why sis getting none or why you don't want to accept what you've been offered? These are important x

Allthewaves · 09/11/2018 20:53

So what's her reason for not giving your sister any money

gamerchick · 09/11/2018 20:55

Give it to your sister if you're going to be like that about it.

I'm assuming there's some massive backstory here about her being an awful mother and you don't want the strings.

NotUmbongoUnchained · 09/11/2018 20:56

You’re being very rude.

blackchina · 09/11/2018 20:57

It's only £500. Just take it. Sorry about your nana BTW. Sad

Angrybird345 · 09/11/2018 20:59

Just accept it fir goodness sake

GertrudeCB · 09/11/2018 21:01

My husband's step gran left some money when she died, not much , but especially wanted our DC to have £250 each. We accepted on their behalf with good grace, as she had always ignored the step part and loved our DC. Please accept this money with good grace .

blackchina · 09/11/2018 21:01

Just noticed you said your sister isn't getting any money. Weird. Did you ask your mother why.

Share your £500 with her why dontcha?

Original poster
sophisticatedsarcasm · 09/11/2018 21:10

I am extremely grateful for it, I just feel my mum deserves it. She’s a single parent yes me and my brother are older but my sister is only 14, she looks after my kids and she’s worked bloody hard to provide for her family. I’m not sure what I’d do without her, she deserves to have the best. I’ve never taken money from her since I started working 13 years ago, my brother has had a lot from her but never me. She has done enough for me already. My Nan wasn’t the easiest person to live with but my mum always soldiered on.

OP posts:
ghostyslovesheets · 09/11/2018 21:13

take it and donate it to Gingerbread then

Original poster
sophisticatedsarcasm · 09/11/2018 21:14

She said my sister doesn’t need it 🤔 she wouldn’t elaborate... I’ve never given her any reason to think I need money. I have a job, 2 kids and she babysits plus we live with her so I’m not completely hard dun by... I get by month to month I hardly discuss my finances and my credit card is always paid on time. I said I’ll split with my sister and she said no. I’m wondering if my brother asked to borrow money again because he had a lot of expenses this month so she gave him some and felt bad. I honestly feel like she deserves to have it but she reckons she has enough money....

OP posts:
steppemum · 09/11/2018 21:17

I do understand why you don't want to take it, but I wonder if from the other side it looks different? For example, she has been a single parent and never been able to financially spoil you, or give you a house deposit or all the other things that some parents do, and finally she has some money and just wants to be able to give you a gift, and you won't bloody take it!

Letting someone else treat you, and accepting it gracefully also blesses them.

Doubletrouble99 · 09/11/2018 21:17

You are making her happy be taking it it's what she wants to do with some of it. She will have some left for herself won't she?

MidniteScribbler · 09/11/2018 21:20

Take it, and use it to do something nice with your mum - spa day, theatre tickets, b&b for the weekend. I'm sure your grandma would have appreciated that.

Crunchymum · 09/11/2018 21:23

I assume your sister is still young and doesn't live at home?

Just take it, it's a nice gesture.

Crunchymum · 09/11/2018 21:24

Oh right.... strange!!

Seems a bit odd to give you both something and exclude your sister?

Crunchymum · 09/11/2018 21:26

FFS, I read your updates the wrong way round.

I assumed the sister was young so doesn't need the money.

TheHammaconda · 09/11/2018 21:28

Take it a buy her something she wants but wouldn't buy for herself