Who is wrong here

[BrightStarrySky]

Looking for some words of wisdom here but please be nice.

My parents haven’t met their 16 month old grandson yet. They live in New Zealand. I’ve offered to fly them over to visit next year because I miss them so much and want them to meet him. They initially agreed and seemed excited but now say they are too proud to let me pay for the flights. They can’t afford it so they won’t be coming next year. They say they can afford to visit sometime in 2020. I’m gutted by this and hurt that they are putting their pride above seeing their grandchild sooner. We had a big argument and they won’t back down. I’m thinking of flying over to see them next year instead, but if my husband and daughter come too that means 4 flights to pay for.

AIBU to be upset about this or is it reasonable for them to say no to accepting a paid for trip?

You can be upset, but they can also say no to you paying for them.

Could you suggest Skype?

We FaceTime fairly regularly. I feel like maybe that’s enough for them, but for me it’s still not the same as seeing them cuddle and play with their grandson. The contact is also important to me. I realise that makes me sound a bit needy, maybe I am. It might be that I just need to toughen up and realise it’s just not as important to them.

They are being really weird and unreasonable. I would be blunt with them and say it is really affecting your relationship that they’re putting their pride ahead of you and your son.

Did you leave NZ or did they leave UK?

ileclerc

I left NZ

If they can afford to come over 2020 is there anyway they would accept your offer to come next year and pay you back in 2020 or another repayment plan? Or going halves? I don't know really is want mine to meet my child while they're still young, if they refuse not much you can do x

ileclerc- the fact that I left is partly why I’m more than happy to pay for them to visit, because I created the distance. My husband is also more than happy for that same reason because he knows it was a sacrifice for me to leave them, and we see his family all the time. If he’d moved to NZ then we would pay for his parents to visit us.

*I'd

I can see both sides of this.
I don't think 'id feel comfortable taking money from my dc to pay for a trip for me.
I can also understand them thinking of 'If this is going to be one big trip in {say} 10 years, we'd prefer to do it when the little one is a bit older and will remember them'.

It must be hard, when you've moved so far away, but I'd rally struggle to take money off my dc unless they were multi millionaires.

Then their priority is not you or your son. Their priority is their ego.

Sucks for you, if you want them to come, but it's their choice and they've decided to refuse your invitation.

Your son isn't going to remember them before the age of 3 at best anyway, so it doesn't matter for him. Unless you're planning on moving back, or your parents are planning to move to you then it's not like they're going to have a deep and fulfilling relationship anyway.

I would tell them that it actually helps you out, as you can't really manage to pay 4 fares to go out to them.

YANBU to be upset, but they do have the right to refuse your offer. I would bet that they don't want to travel next year. All that you can do is tell them how much it would mean to you, and brace yourself that they might refuse again.

Nobody is in the wrong. Honestly OP they have the right to do what feels comfortable for them and you can’t impose your generosity on them. It’s not as if they are saying they won’t come at all and your baby is blissfully unaware of all this. As someone who has recently lost their parents I urge you not to make a big deal out of this.