That I’ve got life ‘wrong’

[raspberryblueberrystrawberry]

I was a single parent when my kids were little.

I focused on them. Decided that I didn’t want to have step/blended families and just me was ultimately more stable.

But they leave home.

I was wrong, wasn’t I?

No I think you got life right! You have given the children the love and attention that they needed during their most formative years. You now have the chance to have you time for many years. 40 is young! Find some hobbies get out there and enjoy life.

I'm with butchy on this. Pps have piled in with lots of advice on what they infer to be the issue, but the OP hasn't actually said what it is.

How old are your children? Do you honestly think they would live with you forever?

You're in a great position and can do anything you want now. I'm 38 with 2 toddlers so won't be in your position until I'm almost 60.

💐💐 here’s to you OP. If you’ve raised two lovely kids you’ve done wonderfully. It’s common to feel lonely and devastated when they move out but this is your opportunity for me time. Take up a hobby - or six. Do sport and clubs again. Meet up with the adult friends you haven’t seen for the last 18 years. Relax and have fun. You’ll then have something to offer others (including your kids) and yourself. Good luck 💐💐

I didn't understand OPs reaction to Butchy at all. It made me wonder if you knew each other!
I then looked at what OP wrote..but they leave home...I got it wrong didn't I.
Does exactly sound like that's what made you think you got it wrong. Didn't you expect them to leave?
Has their leaving been a massive shocker for you to adjust to?
I think you put your DC first and kept them out of potentially very messy situations and new step parent+family with ex and so on.
You have given them stability and consistency, and they are now finding their independence and own way in life.

I'd say well done!

Hi op I'm 40 too and to be honest I feel like I've had a mini mid life crisis this year since turning 40 in January.
I've re-evaluated absolutely everything

I've heard "life begins at 40" so many bloody times and am only now starting to actually beleive it.
You've obviously had your children young. Mine are 7 and 15 so I've still got them at home for a long time but sod that if I'm going to throw myself on the scrap heap and put my name down for a care home!

So what you need to think is what do you want to do with your life? Many people I know have re-trained at 40 and over.
Is your home in order? Get those little niggly jobs done that you've been putting off.
Do you make time for you? I always get my eyebrows and nails done and this helps with my self esteem and MH which is just as important as your physical health.

Is there something you've always wanted to do? Now is the time to properly look into it.
For me it's a cookery course.
Relationships? You need to love yourself before anyone else will. You will find someone special and be happy but there is absolutely no rush. Look after yourself for a while first and then explore the many options out there.

I've also been using YouTube for mindfulness and positivity and it has been so helpful. I've always been naturally optimistic but it's so very easy to let one thing get you down. Music is also a brilliant therapy and motivates me massively.

We are in our prime
Message me if you ever want to talk. 40
Is also a good age to find a new friend

I'm also with Butchy. I simply do not understand what you mean OP, and no I really don't whatever you might think. You thought your children would never leave home if you were single? Is that it? You make no sense.

To be perfectly honest, I don't think anyone has ever got it completely right!

You did the right thing for you and for your children at the time. They have grown into self-sufficient adults who have been able to leave their home and make their own way in the world - perfect! if they were still at home, hanging on your sleeve and not paying their way, THEN you might have gone a bit more wrong, but so far everything sounds great!

And now you have a chance to do all those things that you didn't do while you were a single mum at home bringing up the children. You might not have the funds to do unlimited things, but you have the time and the freedom - you can explore places you've never been, you can take up hobbies you never had a chance to, you can consider changing your job/career if you're fed up with the one you have - so much!

My life changed enormously at 40 because I got married, my Mum died and I had my first baby. HUGE changes. 40 is far from "too late" and certainly not an age at which you write off your life because of your previous choices.

I have never understood people giving up on their own lives because they have children. Likewise I never understood people putting their relationship above their kids. You are young OP, there is time to concentrate on yourself.

No you didn't get it wrong OP, you did what you thought best.

Posters pretending they don't know what OP meant. The standard response by some posters in AIBU, it's boring and unoriginal.

It's perfectly clear what OP meant and I wish people wouldn't be disingenuous about it.

OP - start by messaging the pp who offered. Hopefully, you can brain storm some ideas and offer mutual support.

Best of luck.

Posters pretending they don't know what OP meant.

No I'm not pretending.

The OPs' post could have been about being single parent/having children/kids growing up. Its not clear and I would never presume to speculate.

No, you were not wrong! You were 100% right and it's a pity more one parent families don't stay that way until their children leave home.

Life begins for you now! Hope you find some decent men to spend time with, you can play the field.