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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I tell new boss?

17 replies

ItsBloodyFreezingg · 09/11/2018 16:47

Induction week this week at my new job.

At the feedback meeting this afternoon my boss has asked me if I'm okay as I seem to be quieter than the others in on induction with and nipping to the toilet more often. It wasn't said as a criticism more just checking if I'm okay. She said my actual work was perfectly fine.

I told her I had a bit of an off tummy this week as I was a bit caught off guard and didn't know what to say.

The truth is that I had a miscarriage at 10 weeks last week just before I started and really I am still recovering hence the trips to the toilet to change etc...

I don't know whether I should be honest with my new boss and explain the real reasoning or if I should just leave it now.

I'm not actively trying but I know that's what they'll likely assume which will look bad at a new job.

I'm wondering whether I should just either message her now or ask to have a chat again on Monday.

OP posts:
Singlenotsingle · 09/11/2018 16:52

Not necessary. It's none of their business. I wouldn't want to introduce complicating factors at this stage.

BikeRunSki · 09/11/2018 16:53

I would tell tell her and ask for discretion, if that is what you feel comfortable with, avd there is a chance it might affect your physical or mental health going forward. As a manager, would not assume you would now be trying for another baby. .

loopylass13 · 09/11/2018 16:53

I would say keep to yourself, they may just put it down as newbie nerves.

Original poster
ItsBloodyFreezingg · 09/11/2018 16:59

I wouldn't usually have considered telling but with her actually asking me if I'm okay because I'm quiet etc.. I've been concerned that it may look bad it I don't actually explain the reason why iyswim.

OP posts:
Singlenotsingle · 09/11/2018 17:01

No one will know unless you tell them.

KC225 · 09/11/2018 17:06

I wouldn't if I were you. Your response was good one.

bubbles108 · 09/11/2018 17:06

Keep quiet

tiggerkid · 09/11/2018 17:08

I'm not actively trying but I know that's what they'll likely assume

They can assume all they want. It sounds like there is nothing to tell!

Original poster
ItsBloodyFreezingg · 09/11/2018 17:13

I just don't want them to think I'm a mick taker going off to the toilets for longer periods etc...

I'm worried about making a bad first impression when actually it's just been really crap timing unfortunately.

OP posts:
Caprisunorange · 09/11/2018 17:15

Sadly I think the truth will leave a worse impression because as you say, they’ll assume you’re going to be trying again

Sorry to hear your news Flowers

Original poster
ItsBloodyFreezingg · 09/11/2018 17:20

Yes I think you're probably right, I'll just leave it as is and try and make extra effort next week!

OP posts:
Penisbeakerismyfavethread · 09/11/2018 17:27

I’m so so sorry.
How are you bearing up? Have you told people IRL and got support?

I had a very similar situation to you just after I graduated, I was coming up to 20w, lost on the Thursday started work on the following Tuesday. I was riddled with infection as my milk had come in and I was so glad for telling my manager. I made it clear I wasn’t going to TTC again and she was great.

Petitepamplemousse · 09/11/2018 17:29

No OP don't tell them - your response was perfect. So sorry for your pregnancy loss.

Original poster
ItsBloodyFreezingg · 09/11/2018 17:42

Okay you're right thank you! I just panicked. It's my first week and I don't like being questioned like that, it sent me on a bit of a spin!

Thanks both, I'm okay. Getting there Flowers

Sorry to hear about your experience Penisbeakerismyfavethread that sounds truly awful Flowers

OP posts:
JuniorDetective · 09/11/2018 17:52

As I manager, I'd say it is your private business and none of mine. If you think it is affecting your work, you could acknowledge that and tell them you're concerned they're getting the wrong impression and that you are recovering so is just short term. That would make me feel reassured that you've spotted it and know it is unusual for you.

Strongmummy · 09/11/2018 17:54

Say nothing. I’m sorry you’re going through this

RoseGoldEagle · 09/11/2018 18:05

So sorry you’ve been through that, I found my miscarriage so tough and can’t imagine starting a new job so soon afterwards. I think it depends, if you feel emotionally you could do with her knowing as you’ll get a bit of support then you should, but if you feel like it would stress you out more for them to know then if you’re dealing with it ok maybe it would be best not to. I hire people in my job and if someone new told me this I’d feel nothing but sympathy, I get you’re worried this means theyl’ll think you’ll be TTC again soon- but to be honest loads of their workforce could be so I wouldn’t worry too much about that. Just do whatever makes things easier for you now. Hope you’re ok xx

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