My DS (6) has just started grade 1 (non UK). He was in kindergarten last year at the same school, but now it's full day, with full school recess.
I have never had an ounce of trouble with this child. He is bookish, sweet and empathetic. Daycare since 1 year old and always reports of how gentle and easy going he is. Kindergarten at this current school - same thing. Lots of friendships and accomplishments.
Grade 1 has been two months long. In that period:
- class teacher lost him after school for 90 minutes. Was meant to go to afterschool care; turns out teacher put him on a bus, but she didn't remember doing this, etc. He was fine. It was horrific. I thought he had been kidnapped.
- First parent teacher conference, a month into the term, teacher reports that DS has ignored her instructions in class since beginning of year, done no work. First we had heard of it - turns out she was meant to have contacted us within first few days, she just didnt.
- 6 reports of him being shoved to the ground during recess.
- two incidents of him wielding a stick at other kids.
- and a truly a shocking incident of him hitting another child in the head with a stone. I saw the stone. It was big.
- regular reports of him straying out of bounds into the greenspace that surrounds the school. It's a HUGE area.
He himself tells me that the kids run rampant all over this greenspace, unsupervised, all recess, every recess. That's where the "fun play" is. Violence breaks out regularly in normal playing. Since they're unsupervised (teachers are leaning against the school building not wanting to chase after kids who are out of bounds), no adults are there to intervene.
All this has been overwhelmingly worrying. I have been in contact with the headmaster who can't seem to decide whether there is a problem or not. Been trying to coach my son to stay inside the boundaries since that seems to be the trigger point. If he stays within, violence is minimal.
I emailed the headmaster yesterday to ask for how DS has been doing with staying inside boundaries. I mentioned that I had observed recess myself (it's a public greenspace in our neighbourhood) and that what headmaster was saying didn't align with what I had observed. I need to know because DS is earning back privileges that he lost at the latest stick incident, by staying in bounds for one week. The reason I was around the school that day was because I'd had another report of shoving and needed to deal with that... I decided to come early and see what was happening at recess myself.
Headmaster is now upset that I saw recess / watched DS. I am "breaking down trust". I need to announce myself whenever I am near because he's "uncomfortable" that I would observe without telling him. He acknowledges that it's a public area but he's still saying I need to tell him.
My head is so mashed, I can't decide if I've just lost perspective. AIBU to have watched my son while he was out of bounds at school... he had strayed into a public place. Surely it's the school that should be earning back my trust?? I feel exhausted and perhaps I have this all wrong