To feel really bad about my son having to move school.. Behaviour related

[JustAskingForAFriend]

So my son went to his feeder school from. Primary to secondary.
He didn't have a great start in year 7.
So many phone calls etc about his behaviour

For the record I have always supported the school and always has a consequence.
However when I made my views and opinions clear and made suggestions. The school never followed through. For example I KNOW he struggles with writing. With no exaggeration he writes like a 5 year old.

There were many times when the situation wasn't just him. Yet I was the only one to get a call.
So myself and dp decided to put his name down for another school. One that has ways of helping him, again with our support.
I thought the wait would be long. However it wasn't. It was 2 weeks.
We are viewing today. And potentially starting Monday.
I'm sat here really bloody sad.
Sad it didn't work out at his current school, where his mates are ( altho some of them he'll stay friends with as I'm friends with their parents)
He's gone to school this morning before this afternoon viewing at new school, not knowing if it will be his last day etc. He looked so sad too.

I know in the long run this has to be. And I know that his current school wasn't suited to him ( lots of parents on the fb page also say the same about the school as me -)

But I feel shot because I chose the school, I wanted him also to be with his mates and most of all I wanted him to be happy there.

I know he's far from. Perfect and just needs a steer in the right direction and not listen to others.
He's then type if someone said ' do this' knowing he'd get in trouble he would...most of which is because he thinks he'll lose those 'friends'

Has he seen an Ed Psych? It sounds like he could do with an assessment so his teachers and you understand more about his strengths and weaknesses. It might be that he has a recognised SEN like dyslexia, or it might be that he struggles with processing and his teachers need to make allowances. Either way, I am amazed a school can go for a whole year without ever suggesting this route.

And often doesnt understand the task.

The example you gave above would worry me, have you had meetings to discuss his lack of understanding? Is he in any additional support groups / intervention groups?

Also how was he at Primary school, I assume the same issues of handwriting and lack of understanding were present there, how did they deal with it.

This definitely seems to go beyond behaviour issues, that level of comprehension for a yr 8 is very worrying.

Oh OP
Parenting is hard and secondary school
Transition in hard

I understand why so sad . But do you think his future will be better ? As focus on that if you can . Nonetheless it’s OK to regret what should have been

Hopefully a few months from now everyone will be happier

Also explore what external support he needs here

Ok well that was random. Surely if he is doing things like this at school it would have come up before now? Don't his teachers complain if the work is completely incorrect?

Yes had so many meetings and phone calls and get fobbed off. They just turn to his behaviour
His primary school was useless. Only one teacher actually listened to me and agreed. But she said they didn't have the resources at the time to assess..

Fingers crossed this new school listen. I'm going to mention it all today.

No he caius e he doesn't then hand it in because his words are its rubbish and teachers will laugh.
No homework handed in has no consequences. Except a ten min after r school catch up which 9/10 times the teacher is running late. So it's a try harder next time message and that's It

How did he do in his SATs?

The example you gave would worry me too.
There seems to be a problem understanding the task, and maybe problems writing. But most worrying, not being willing to engage when you tried to steer him in the right direction.

I would definitely push for an assessment.

I'd try and be very positive about the new start.

Try and have a meeting with the SENCO at secondary school.

Plus if you have time and some money at home:

Speed Up for handwriting.
Writing slope
different pens might help
Sound Foundation books help with spelling, punctuation ann and basic writing.

He’s got time to settle before GCSE – now the time to push for extra help – focus on going forward. If he needs a scribe, access to lap top or any additional resources sooner that's set up the better.

Does he do outside groups? If so how's his behaviour there - and if not are there any he can join - so if social things at school don't go well he's still mixing with peers - it's helped one of mine get through a bad patch at school.

I think a well it's not gone well how do we all do better going forward approach and new school should help with that.

Definitely move him to the new school. The school he is at now are not helping him at all.

He may also have dyspraxia which means he struggles to understand a written task. My DS had to read things 2 or 3 times to comprehend what they were asking of him. But if a teacher told him what they wanted him to write he understood immediately.

I think you need to rule out additional needs. It's pricey but may be worth getting a private consult for like of dyslexia, dysgraphia, adhd etc. Have a read up and see if any of these describe your son.

I'd also start him with touch typing.

Flexion pens are good as they can be rubbed out. Writing on lines that have 1.5 spacing. Highlighting each line can help. There's little money in ed system so you will need to do some research.

It sounds as if he has a reading/writing problem, and is not coping very well with it. And is getting very frustrated at people telling him he has got things wrong.

Does he struggle to read and spell?
I'd insist on all hw being typed if he's embarrassed about writing he could save on flash drive if u can't print

Have a look at toe by toe or word wasp. They are great programmes you can do at home with him

often doesnt understand the task
That should be being picked up by the teachers surely.

I'd push for assessments - try and get the new school to do it as private assessments are expensive and some schools won’t accept what they say but if they won't then private assements a route to look into.

Are you in a position to afford a tutor to come to you once a week?

Has this really not come up until Y8? Surely he must have been struggling for years.

He plays on his phone when in isolation? There are actually schools which allow this?

Have a look into dysgraphia as my son in year 8 has terrible handwriting and has a laptop in school.

He moved school as we moved house and he is being much better supported and it makes a huge difference.

Understanding Your Child’s Trouble With Writing

Dysgraphia: This condition makes tasks like spelling and handwriting difficult. It affects fine motor skills used in writing, drawing and tracing. Dysgraphia can make it hard to visualize how letters should look on the page.

You might see your child writing letters too close together or too far apart. She may also mix print, cursive, uppercase and lowercase letters. She may spell correctly orally but not on paper. Learn more signs of dysgraphia.

Dyspraxia: Dyspraxia causes problems with movement, including the physical act of printing and writing.

Kids with dyspraxia often have trouble planning and completing tasks that involve motor skills. Depending on how severe their symptoms are, they may struggle with everyday tasks, such as brushing their teeth or tying their shoes.

Dyslexia: This common learning disability is best known for causing reading difficulties. But it can also affect writing. Kids with dyslexia can have trouble recognizing and making sense of written words.

Because of that, they’re often poor spellers, and that makes writing a challenge. Their handwriting may be slow, and they may have a hard time getting their thoughts down on paper.

Kids who struggle with writing usually have more than one of these conditions. Keep reading to learn how to pinpoint the reasons for your child’s writing issues and what tools and strategies can help.

I'd be looking into all three conditions and asking the new school if they think they might fit and could they test and rule out for him.

We’re in a similar situation with my youngest son, albeit he’s still in primary and has autism. I feel so bad that he’s having to leave his friends but just don’t have confidence in the ability of the current school to meet his needs ☹️ and of course it’s a leap in the dark as there’s no way of knowing the new school will actually be any better until he starts.