To not include them

[worknamechanged]

I am part of a team of 15, all working at different bases around the city. We meet up monthly for group supervision with Stephanie and can arrange to meet her separately to discuss any other issues.

Stephanie is leaving the job in December, and I am organising leaving gifts. We all have an equal relationship with her, but some people are her socially and some have had more support from her.

I’ve emailed everyone to suggest joint leaving gifts. 8 people have said yes, 7 haven’t replied. I’ve text two of them, but I don’t have anyone else’s number.

Do I include the 7 in the leaving gift even though they haven’t financially contributed or said they want to be involved? Or just give it from those of us who have replied?

I guess I would send them another text saying you are presuming they don't want to be involved, and leave them off. In a nice way, of course!

I'd send another to all saying something like -

"Hi,

I will be buying the gift end of next week, so those that haven't please let me know by then if you want to be included"

Were you planning to list the individual contributors on the gift tag?

I agree with a reminder text/Email and if no reply, leave them off.

If you don't get much collected, a small gift from everyone makes you all look tight, which isn't fair on the ones that have contributed.

I'm guessing it's the people who meet her socially who are contributing?

Just get a card and get the 7 who contributed to the fund to sign it.

Card as antigon says

I'm not sure I agree - there are colleagues I would feel enough goodwill towards to sign (or buy) a card for, but I don't have a sufficiently personal relationship with to want to be part of a gift. I would offer the others the chance to sign the card.

As for the gift, this should be about what Stephanie would like to see, not about who gets 'credit' for it. I would rather think that 15 people had been 'part' of wishing me luck (even if only to sign) than that only half my team had taken part, even if that half had been really generous.

Of course, some of the team might want nothing at all to do with it on principle (if they feel Stephanie hasn't supported them) which is fair enough.

I wouldn't include them if they haven't answered. If I had contributed to a gift and someone else hadn't, but we were both thanked for our gift, I would be a bit peed off ?

I’d leave them off too.

Send a final email saying you’ll be getting the gift sorted by x date and if anyone wants to still chip in they can before that date.

Wouldn’t give them credit for the gift if they haven’t contributed. I’d presume they just don’t want to participate which is fair enough.

Thanks, this is helpful.

The ones who haven’t replied are mainly the ones who are more on the fringe of things, but have been part of the programme for longer. I don’t think anyone would object on principle because they don’t like her - partly she isn’t like that and partly they are the sort of people who would reply to say they don’t want to contribute.

I wouldn't include the ones who haven't contributed. It's rude and insulting to the ones who did pay.

Agree with just giving a date to reply by so you can buy the gift. They possibly don't want to contribute but equally don't want to actually put that into words - so they've just thought a no reply is less awkward. I see this all the time in my office!

I don't think it's your place to include the ones who haven't paid. If people have paid for a gift, then the gift is from them.