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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel irritated by weekend plans?

24 replies

Hopskipjumping · 09/11/2018 08:18

Or does that make me boring?

Work full time, 8-5, monday to Friday. Have an aunties party tonight after work which the kids can't come to so ill go alone and drive to show face.

Then tomorrow night friends have invited a group of couples (all friends) round for drinks for friends birthday and to watch the boxing.

We have a babysitter but not overnight so ill still be up at 6:30am with them. And honestly the thought of it is making me irritated and depressed.

My ideal weekend would be finish tonight, home and takeaway and chill out on the couch.

Tomorrow we need to sort a new car then maybe somewhere for the kids (softplay, park etc). Maybe go somewhere for lunch or early dinner then home to watch xfactor.

I said to OH I dont want to go tomorrow and he's in a huff and isnt pleased. Ill probably end up going but feel so irritated.

OP posts:

Original poster

Hopskipjumping · 09/11/2018 08:18

Kids are 2 & 6 btw.

OP posts:

5foot5 · 09/11/2018 08:25

Well if your OH is so set on you both going suggest that he gets up at 6:30 to see to the DC while you have a lie in.

Weenurse · 09/11/2018 08:28

Agree to go out if you get to sleep in the next day and he gets up with children

boomerang1 · 09/11/2018 08:31

I understand op. I'm am really looking forward to this weekend because I'm doing nothing tonight and going to meet a friend tomorrow for a couple of hours alone! Kid free. Then il spend the rest of the time relaxing and watching tv or doing something with the kids.

I also work full time and honestly it's exhausting isn't it.

Get dh to get up early and you lie in definitely

swingofthings · 09/11/2018 08:35

Oh yes know so much how it feels, the dilemma of people working FT, with children and many firneds/family. Everything only works if regimented and there is just so little time to do everything. So it's a choice of making the best of the weekend to enjoy the social life, but chores might not be done, resulting in more stress for the starting week. Or chores and social life is prioritised but then you start the week even more tired than you finished the last one and that stressful., or you say no to social life and annoy people who don't understand and you feel bad!

I've done it for years and it's long recently that I've started to be more selfish and say no to people. They understand or don't and it's up to them. As it is, friends/family are more understanding than I expected even if I still get the off comment about how I should make an effort.

If you don't want to go, just don't. You are human and need some rest to function, end of!

Katkat222 · 09/11/2018 08:40

I feel like this too. I hate weekend plans!

I don’t mind just loose plans like popping to the pub or to the park with kids, but I hate plans where we have to go anywhere.

My in laws ask us every weekend to go for lunch (they live an hour away), we have said no the last 8 weeks, just waiting for them to get the message and stop asking!!

stressedoutpa · 09/11/2018 08:47

If you've said yes to both then it would only be polite to go at this late stage.

However, you need to plan your time a bit better. It sounds like one night with friends/family is enough over the weekend. If you'd have just agreed to the thing tonight then you would have had more energy for the car search/soft play. As it is, you've said yes to everyone and have little time for yourself.

You have every right to say no to people. Take control.

Hisaishi · 09/11/2018 09:00

I think sometimes you just have to accept that you might have to drop some friends. I have literally three friends these days. I just didn't have time/energy to see anyone else.

Turquoisetamborine · 09/11/2018 09:09

I do one weekend night out with friends a month and one weeknight (normally a Thursday). My H does the same and it seems to work. I work three days a week so I also invite people over after school and see friends for coffees during the day.
If we exceed this then we start to get exhausted.
This weekend I have Mam friends coming here straight from school for the kids to play then my Mam coming for a takeaway. Tomorrow night we have my cousin and her husband coming for a low key meal, chilli, nothing fancy. They will also bring their son and leave by 9.30 (will be here by 5.30) so we all get to have a good nights sleep.
You are taking on too much.

Shirleyphallus · 09/11/2018 09:12

Why are you saying yes to this stuff if you don’t want to go....?

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 09/11/2018 09:14

Any reason why hubby can't get up at 6.30am with them on Sunday?

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 09/11/2018 09:17

Why isn't your husband going to get up on one of the mornings?

Birdsgottafly · 09/11/2018 09:21

Start to be choosy about what you say yes to.

However a lot of Women really regret not hanging onto Friendships once their children are older.

Male friend relationships seem to be easier, they can check out and in with no repercussions. Whereas most Women expect a bit more from their Friendship circle.

If it's easier, use illness, tiredness etc as an excuse.

But make sure that your DP is doing his share and it's him missing out occasionally.

Santaispolishinghissleigh · 09/11/2018 09:26

Patience op. .
Before you know it they can be dropped off at hobbies /clubs.
My dd's have a Sat hobby, dropped off at 10, picked up at 4!! And best of all...

Ds is old enough to start tomorrow!! So 6 hours - 3 dc for a measly £6!!
Bloody glorious!!

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 09/11/2018 09:33

You still have all day Saturday and Sunday to mooch around, and the two things you are doing seem pretty low key. I understand feeling like you just want to crash on the sofa, but I echo what a previous poster said about maintaining friendships and other relationships.

Original poster

Hopskipjumping · 09/11/2018 09:47

The reason I agreed is because I thought kids could come to my aunties party so thought at least I could spend the evening with them then have an excuse to leave early.

Turns out they can't come so now need to go alone which isn't appealing but mum wont be happy if I don't go.

And my sister was originally having kids overnight so thought id get a good night and longer lie and could destress a bit. The thought of rushing back to let sister go home then an early rise isnt appealing.

We take turns for a lie in and he could get up on sunday with them but makes sense I get a lie in on the Saturday since ill be at party friday night and out Saturday night so dont want to be exhausted.

OP posts:

ileclerc · 09/11/2018 09:47

Santa - what on earth do they do that's so cheap, tell me, please!!

OP - if you don't want to go don't but I also agree about maintaining friendships. DH keeps saying no to things and then wonders why he doesn't get invited to things.

Devillanelle · 09/11/2018 09:49

I understand. It's other people's demands on your free time which is annoying you.

Butterymuffin · 09/11/2018 09:55

From what you've said, the best option would be to not go to your aunt'sparty tonight, then you get up tomorrow with the kids and get OH to do Sunday. Sorted! You said it's your mum who will be unhappy if you don't go - well, she'll just have to live with it, won't she? I'd arrange to meet up with your aunt another time.

Santaispolishinghissleigh · 09/11/2018 09:55

Dd's go to a community farm every Sat, only about a dozen dc go,limited places and need to be 10. Muck out horses, get to learn to ride, small animal care, organise trips out etc. Worth asking local council if anything similar in your area, isn't advertised as such -
Saves my sanity with 2 pre teens!!

MereDintofPandiculation · 09/11/2018 09:55

ILs are probably inviting you at the weekend because they know you're working and think you will be too busy in an evening and will in any case want an early night because of work next morning. So the alternative to weekends is no face to face contact. That may be fine by you but they are your DH's family and your DC's extended family. (They probably regard you as in their family too).

Oysterbabe · 09/11/2018 10:03

YANBU.
My DH hates not having weekend plans and is always trying to book us up. My ideal weekend involves him taking the kids out and me staying home alone.

Blobby10 · 09/11/2018 10:07

Completely understand your reasoning OP - I used to feel exactly the same and invented all sorts of excuses from "I really dont feel well" to "one of the kids has a stomach upset and I dont want to leave them". On the upside, if I used the illness excuse no one ever bothered about me not going to things. On the downside I got out of the habit of socialising and its been very difficult to re-learn those skills.

Chamomileteaplease · 09/11/2018 10:16

It does sounds like not going to your auntie's party would save the weekend for you.

What kind of party is it? How far away is it? What time would you be able to get home from it?

Do you like your aunt??

I would say either don't go or go for a short time, but only if it is nearby. Then you can get home at a reasonable hour and save your lie in for Sunday.

also, your reason for going to auntie's party is that otherwise your mum will be unhappy. Well it doesn't sound like your mum has your best interests at heart. You will be unhappy if you do go. Don't be afraid to say no.

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