To feel old, frumpy and ugly

[sunnytomato]

I’m 38. Two young women have joined my workplace - 23 and 26 (I think.)

The male members of my work are constantly flirting with them, ‘banter’ and the like and I sit at my desk ignored.

The men are my age. I am single and it’s brought home to me how I’m going to stay like this.

Miserable today!

These men are deluded, it's very unlikely the young women will be interested in them (and inappropriate in the workplace too). The young women could probably do an AIBU, "I've just landed a great new job, but the older men flirt and "banter" with me constantly, rather than treating me as a professional. Older women in the office don't have to put up with this."

Also two men at your work aren't representative of all men. They sound like divvys and you wouldn't want to date them anyway. Have you tried online dating? You really have to be determined and push through all the chaff, but it does work.

You have to kiss a lot of 🐸 s.

Tried it and got nowhere, men want younger women I think.

I'm not sure age has anything to do with it OP - I'm 39 & at my last workplace I was subjected to the flirting & banter but the other woman in the office was 10 years younger than me & was largely ignored or left alone to get on with her work.

I wouldn't have touched any of them with a barge pole though... as a PP points out would you want to date these guys anyway?

If you want to meet someone then you really need to put yourself out there.

I think it’s more to do with your energy. You don’t feel good so you’re probably sitting there miserable and unapproachable. Are you coming across as someone who wants to have fun do you think? Sounds like you’re not feeling very confident and that your self esteem is low 💐

I love not having the attention on me. I do throw in some banter when needed though do you engage? I made my male team mate spit coffee over his computer yesterday cos I said something funny. I don’t flirt though, i’m 39 and married.

I also don't think this is about age either op, I'm sorry, it's about energy, attitude, being open, fun, chatty etc,

I'm 49 and still get the banter and flirting, where much younger women don't.

Maybe look at how you can get a more positive attitude. These men are irrelevant, but in general, being open and positive is what makes you attractive to others, it's not about numbers.

Do you want these guys to be flirting with you? Probably not. But I can see why it might get to you.

But only you can change how you feel. Do you dress with the same things you have been wearing for years, do you need a new hair cut/colour? Assess what it is that makes you feel like this and change it.

Uugh, I was just on another thread, where the guy is 43 and the "target" of his affection is 26. He goes on to say his ideal age gap is 10 years. What is wrong with these "men"?

The younger women are new and therefore exciting. You'd get the attention if you moved to somewhere where you were new.

Don't give up on old. I know people who met their husbands this way. Both were in their 40's.