to not know what the wedding tipping etiquette is?

[starsandstuff]

This is my second wedding, so I don't know how I still don't get this, but I can't remember what we did last time (if anything). I'm having a small do (26 people) but in a naice hotel. It's just drinks and afternoon tea, not a whole day/evening affair. We have been dealing with the events manager, but not much, just a couple of emails and one short meeting. There will be a staff member on duty to MC and hopefully set up the ipod playlist on their system. There are 5 tables of guests including us so however many wait staff that entails, and we'll be having a drinks reception with canapes between the ceremony and the food part so however many waiters that would entail for that number of people.

So. Who do I tip? When? How much? Do we give something to the MC as the "overall" staff on duty? Do we individually tip the waiters, and again how much and at what point? Do we give an extra amount to the event manager when I'm paying the balance before the day - again how much? And how would I know that's going to staff? Or would I give that to her and then tip on the day?

I know the guests will be giving their own tips when they go to the bar, but as it's an event I feel like I'm expected to give extra but I just don't know the normal way of doing things. I'm in NI if that's relevant.

What did you do at yours?

Erm it didn't cross my mind to tip!

I don’t think I’ve ever tipped at a bar.

No one tipped anyone at my wedding, if I recall.

Um I didn't tip anyone, nor did DH, nor did any guests.

Are tips at a wedding a thing now?

Why would you tip anyone? I've seriously never heard of this.
I paid a donation to my church, voucher for the minister and organist but everyone else involved in my wedding was paid the rate they asked for.

She here, no tipping at the wedding and I don't too bar staff at a wedding or not. Are you ok the UK op? If not maybe state where you are and you will get a better idea.

We got married recently (second wedding) and didn’t tip anyone, nor do I know of anyone who has organised a wedding and tipped staff.

@Pinkprincess1978 op said she's in NI

Bar staff don't normally expect tips. The nearest we ever got even at a private function was 'and one for yourself' at the end of a round order.

I've never left a tip at a wedding meal of any description, as a guest.

I've had a bride say at the end of a wedding to help ourselves to any bits and bobs that are left over if we'd like. That's about it really.

I used to be a waitress at a wedding venue.

Tips are absolutely not normal. I don't think I ever received any tips, nor did I expect them. Waitressing a wedding is quite different to normal waitressing, without the taking orders, juggling different parties etc its much easier and there's not really an opportunity to go the extra mile or not as with normal waitressing. The bar staff got the odd tip but it's not really routine - I don't tip bar staff unless it's table service and it's never occurred to me to do so at a wedding!

Gosh. I had a similar-sized wedding OP, also in a restaurant and also in NI, and I left a tip at the end of the night to be split between the staff. It was 15% of the total bill and I built it in to my budget from the very beginning. I couldn't imagine not tipping! Having said that nobody tipped the bar staff individually I don't think. I also had a bigger reception in another country and tipped the caterer and her wait staff (£20 each for the wait staff and £50 for the caterer). I also tipped my hairdresser and make-up artist. I'm really surprised nobody else on this thread did (not judging though, I've possibly been a bit of a mug!).

I'm in Northern Ireland. OK the part of me that is watching the pennies is somewhat relieved by the general bewilderment at this I think it's customary here to tip the waiters for table service - just leaving the change or whatever or a couple of quid per round - that's what I would tend to do. Just in general I mean, not necessarily wedding related. But I feel like I've got the impression somewhere that for events then you tip extra like as in a thank you for the extra work or something?? Maybe a fever dream?? Seriously, is this a total alien concept? It's ok if it is, at least it means I'm not stupid for not knowing how it works...

@peachgreen - maybe it's a NI thing? 15% of the total bill is very generous - more generous than I was planning on! Can I ask how you did that? Did you give an envelope of cash to someone, and if so, who?

Oh I tipped my hairdresser because she wasn't charging me enough! (Long time client) the make up artists we're charging a lot so they didn't get a tip

I tipped at mine to exh. Think we put a couple of hundred euro in envelope and gave to manager. Also I worked as a receptionist in a hotel years ago and tips were common then as well.
Hospo staff also definetly get tipped when people have a few drinks in them at events and that. I used to take in a fair amount! I'm in the republic!

We left a (relatively speaking) small tip after our wedding. When we settled the bill we left €50 or €100 - I can't remember which - to be given to the staff who looked after us on the day or added to their Christmas Do kitty. We are in Donegal OP, so it might be a regional thing, but I don't think it is expected.

Big old cross post with all of you

I tipped the tiny bistro that provided our evening do 10%, they said we didn't have to but we had a lovely evening and it seemed the right thing to do.

I used to be a functions waitress. People do tip, but they normally give the tips to the headwaiter or event manager and the actual staff don't see them! I only realised this when one of the head waiters told me he was going on holiday paid for 'by his tips'. Lazy fecker barely ever picked up a plate.

But I digress... I think the norm is to add 10% to the bill but it's certainly not expected. I think though it would be better to get the best man or usher to slip each of the servers £20 rather than doing it on the bill, because I'd doubt the people doing the work would see the cash otherwise.

God that's so unclear!

I mean:

Tipping happens but isn't expected
It's always a smaller % than you'd do in a normal restaurant
You can add it to the bill, but the staff might not see it.
But I recommend giving a note to each waiter individually. It doesn't have to be loads.

I just bought a huge box of chocolates for the waiting on staff, another for the bar staff and another for the hall caretaker. A tip never crossed my mind.

This is the U.K., not the USA. Do we tip at weddings?

MC for 26 people? I really wouldn’t bother

I know the guests will be giving their own tips when they go to the bar

Will they? I had no idea this was a thing in NI. It’s normal in the US - when I worked in a village pub we had an INCREDIBLY lucrative night with a group of American tourists.