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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Tantrums

20 replies

redyellowgreenblue · 08/11/2018 12:49

Have a rare day off so took my 1.5 year old to the local play centre at they have music and singing on Thursdays.

He took no interest in this whatsoever and just wanted to run around and play with the various toys such as cars etc.

I wanted to give him a drink and a snack so he proceeded to (as he commonly does now) take a tantrum and lie on the floor, screaming and kicking his legs.

How do you cope with tantrums when you're out and about?

OP posts:
redyellowgreenblue · 08/11/2018 12:51

Sorry. I think this is in the wrong place

OP posts:
Cloufydafs · 08/11/2018 12:54

I would ignore and not respond whatsoever. It's all for a reaction. but then in practice I suppose I don't know if this would work as mine never did this at all. They never whinged or whined in supermarket trollies or dropped to the floor in a tantrum. ever. Heading on teenagers though now and a whole different ball game altogether!

Confusedbeetle · 08/11/2018 12:55

He is not much more than a baby and tantrums are common. You need to ignore them as much as possible. Of course, he just wanted to run around and play. When you say you wanted to give him a drink and a snack do you mean he did not want one ( in which case dont do it) Tantrums are as much about prevention than management. Avoid situtations that will produce one and if he throws one just sit quetly beside him until the screaming and kicking has stopped. All parents will understand

redyellowgreenblue · 08/11/2018 13:01

If we were at home, I'd ignore him completely and let him figure out he won't get the attention (unless of course he is in danger of hurting himself by banging his head or similar).

It's just in public, I don't know what to do. I don't feel it's appropriate to ignore him when it's causing nuisance to people around us. Obviously in a play centre it's slightly different.

It's generally only if he's tired, or we tell him "no" to something he wants. Supermarkets etc have been fine so far but I want to be prepared in any event. I feel so useless at this sometimes :(

OP posts:
croissantmuffin · 08/11/2018 13:02

I agree with you OP. I'd take mine home and let him finish his wobbler in the car.

Cloufydafs · 08/11/2018 13:06

Just ignore the other people. You will get the eye rollers when out and about but stuff them. It's your child and your method,so do what suits you. You don't have to justify to other people what you're doing. Even though mine never did it I didn't think any less of the parents whose kids did! Just keep calm and do the same as what works for you at home. One thing I found was that rather than saying no...we changed it to ' soon.'.. Or maybe...and then it wasn't a definite negative answer. And then distracted them with something else.

janisposh · 08/11/2018 13:10

Honestly?

He is one. He wants to play. You are making him sit in a room full of toys. You are expecting too much from him.

He is frustrated.

Santaispolishinghissleigh · 08/11/2018 13:16

Have you considered doing a few signs? I took my younger dd's(5+20 months) to a free class for a few weeks and noticed massively less tantrums than older dc.
Oldest clicked a couple on the first week.

The sign for biscuit!

redyellowgreenblue · 08/11/2018 13:18

How am I asking too much of him? I am generally asking for advice on what to do when he tantrums 

And thank you @Cloufydafs that really means a lot!

OP posts:
bobstersmum · 08/11/2018 13:19

Dd is same age and such a madam. She is getting her molars so is in some discomfort I believe but follows me around demanding a CUP!! (pickup) or a DUGGLE!! (snuggle) and if I don't immediately drop what I'm doing to do so she screams the place down, or throws anything she can grab hold of. I think the only way to avoid tantrums is to not give into their every whim, but in a room full of toys I would've grabbed a coffee and sat down and had a break while the little one enjoyed himself.

redyellowgreenblue · 08/11/2018 13:19

@Santaispolishinghissleigh signs? How do you mean?

OP posts:
redyellowgreenblue · 08/11/2018 13:21

@bobstersmum yeah, that's my thoughts too. I'm trying so hard to stick to my guns with him because if I give him once when I say no, he'll always try it.

Most huffs come if I tell him "no" for trying to climb in the coffee table, or if I cant immediately pick him up when he wants me to.

OP posts:
RedSkyLastNight · 08/11/2018 13:23

Leave him to it if he's in a safe place (for him and other people).
Otherwise give him a warning to stop or he goes home. Then pick him up and take him home.

janisposh · 08/11/2018 13:32

How am I asking too much of him? I am generally asking for advice on what to do when he tantrums

I meant in terms of asking him to sit in a room full of toys and not be able to play. Your child is not having a tantrum, he is frustrated because he doesn't understand why he can't play with the toys. Understanding why children do things goes a long way.

It wasn't meant as a criticism.

BertieBotts · 08/11/2018 13:36

It's a normal developmental stage, he doesn't know how to communicate to you what he wants.

I would have kept the drink and snack to the side and waited for him to ask for it. At that age they are fairly quick to tell you if they are hungry or thirsty IME. If he wanted to play instead what was the problem? If it's mealtime or you think he's getting over hungry it's a good idea to plan to leave in plenty of time. However 18mos don't really understand leaving something they are still enjoying now because you know they will get hungry or overtired soon. So you can't explain it like that but you can present it as a kind of done deal ie it's simply time to leave now without any particular reason (meal or nap) attached. But hunger and tiredness are definite exacerbators of tantrums so it is well worth staying aware of rough expectations for these and trying to stick to usual nap and mealtimes and if you know he's skipped some then maybe keep activities low key.

Again it can be difficult for them to switch gears especially when you need them to stop something fun like playing for something boring like sitting in the car or walking home. So one trick which can help you here is giving them some warning and finding something positive/exciting about the next activity to focus on.

Bear in mind at this age they do not understand times, so telling him you will leave in five minutes will do nothing to avoid the tantrum and might just make him wary of the phrase five minutes (I remember my brother throwing an epic one when my stepmum said "Yes you can play football for five minutes" because he thought he was having to go to bed!) Instead tell him in events. So "You have time for three more goes on the slide, then it's time to go." or when a bit older perhaps something like "You have time for three more slides, or one more go on the car. Which would you like to choose?" If you have three goes on the slide, count with him, as he probably doesn't know numbers yet, remind him when it's the last one, perhaps even say bye bye slide see you soon. It's all about giving clear markers, so any bit of language or hand gesture he knows, incorporate that. Very very matter of fact and if he's creating a scene just pick him up and move him out of the way of others until he has calmed down. You can empathise with him if you like saying oh, you're sad it's time to go, you wish you could stay here forever. Or you can ignore it, it depends how you would like to deal with the tantrum. Don't panic or feel anxious about what others might think or that you have to stop the tantrum ASAP - he will get through it when he gets through it and every other parent will have experienced a tantrum at some point!

Then once you've got him to switch gears and understand it's time to go (whether he's happy about it or not) bring in something exciting or positive about the next activity, like DS, how many leaves can we jump on on the way home? Or Let's see how many red cars we can spot. Or What would you like for lunch? If he leaves calmly, if you like you could praise this and say well done for doing as Mummy says and/or offer some reward, just be sure to explain what it's for.

GummyGoddess · 08/11/2018 13:47

If out I just move dc1 to an area where they aren't in the way and let them get on with it, asking if they want a hug at intervals. He does calm fairly quickly, but had an epic tantrum in the middle of town which involved throwing his shoes at me and it went on for over half an hour! Lots of people stopped and asked if I needed help and chatted to me to distract me from the tantrum. Nobody got cross with me or annoyed, they just wanted to offer help.

I think that he has less tantrums out of the house now because I do exactly the same thing at home so he knows it won't get him anywhere.

SleepingStandingUp · 08/11/2018 14:10

Like makaton signs OP. So he can sign words he can't yet say.

If he was happy playing, why did you stop and make him eat and drink? Presumably you were only there a short time and he wasn't hungry

Santaispolishinghissleigh · 08/11/2018 14:27

Yes to Makaton signs!! Babies from 8 months have been known to sign milk apparently!!
I got a book off ebay for a few quid to do them at home. Was amazing seeing dd's signing tbh!!

Cloufydafs · 08/11/2018 14:51

I remember doing Makaton a bit with youngest ds watching Mr tumble on cbeebies, don't know if it's still on, we learned quite a few signs off there and used them through the day just as a fun thing to do but was educational too.

SleepingStandingUp · 08/11/2018 14:55

Yes yes it is

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