To want to contact friend who ditched me

[Petitprince]

At university I met my best friend and we were pretty much inseparable. We moved in together after uni and had a great time for nearly 10 years. She was like the sister I'd never had.
I had boyfriends along the way, she never did. Then when she met her now husband about 5 years ago she started to change with me. She said she wanted to move out, which suited me as I was ready to move in with my now husband (if anything I'd been putting it off because I didn't want to leave her without a flatmate).
Since then I've seen her may be once a year, and now she's stopped taking my calls.
I don't think it's her husband. He's lovely. I think she's moved on. But I miss her so much.
I found an old card from her while o was tidying and it was like a physical pain. I want to message her again but I know I'll feel rubbish when she doesn't respond.
Aargh I'm a grown woman. I have lots of friends. Why do I feel like this and how can I stop?

Sorry. This did have paragraphs when I wrote it!

YANBU to miss what you had but, to be blunt, it's over. I've been through this situation as well and you desperately miss what you had but if you revisit, you realise it simply isn't the same

Around the time she started to change can you remember anything you may have said or done even in an innocent or jokey way that she may have took offended to and made her pull back from you?

Does she live local to you?..of she does why not pop round and see if she will chat with you ...if she acts evasive and vague and doesn't want to make plans to meet...and if you really want one last attempt at the friendship...you could just wear your heart on your sleeve and say ...look X, I don't know what has happened in our friendship, you and i was so close and we have drifted apart, if I have done or said anything to contribute towards that then I am so sorry and I want us to be friends, ...then tell her you miss her,...

Is she on social media?..could you drop her a private message on there to get the lines of communication back open?

I've tried text and facebook message. Worried if I try other means I'll just look crazy.

I think I need to pull up my big girl pants and accept it.

I feel like I'm grieving, which sounds stupid I know.

Sounds like she's the sort to give all (or most of) her love to one person, so all that time you were her focus, but now she's switched to the DH and doesn't feel she needs anyone else. As you say, she's moved on and what you had would never continue to exist as she's not capable of it. Grieve for what you lost but be glad that she's happy now, and that you are too, if you can move on as well.

Did something happen in that time before she moved out? Even something little? It’s very weird if you were so close and then NC.
I had a best best friend who I went NC with for a reason, I know of that reason hadn’t happened we’d still be friends now. I wouldn’t have gone NC for no reason.

YANBU to miss your friend, but YWBU to keep contacting her when she's made abundantly clear she doesn't want contact.

It sucks, I do understand. My best friend through high school moved abroad to go to university and I never heard from her again. I still mourn the friendship as we were very close, or so I thought. I suppose she wanted a fresh start and wish her well. You can't force a relationship that's run it's course.

I feel like I'm grieving, which sounds stupid I know.

Not stupid at all. You had something great but it is now gone and you can never get it back. It is not stupid to mourn that type of loss.

You are all very wise, thank you. For those that chose to go NC, did you ever tell the friend why?
I'm thinking back, trying to put my finger on something but can't be sure what could have caused the problem.

I was dropped by a friend a long time ago. I honestly think my heartbreak was the same as if I had split with someone romantically. After I realised what had happened, you know a few ignored messages / calls, I knew I had to leave it.

A couple of years later she contacted me, I have seen her, didn't discuss what happened. We sometimes, but very infrequently will catch up for a coffee.

A friendship ending can b feel like death and sometimes you have to grieve. Although in the circumstances you describe I would have to ask why? Even to belong moving on.

I ghosted a friend recently she is very full on, always ringing, she needs lots of attention. She has moved on and now I regret it or feel really bad. Whats done is done and I know if I called hervand if she did forgive me, I would start to feel smothered again it is more my MH issues than her really.

Sorry for typos

I am going through this now and completely understand how it feels. You are not crazy to feel completely bereft of her friendship. The worst thing is not being given the chance to put things right if you have upset her.

However, you can not light a fire out of soggy ashes, so if you were to meet again you probably wouldn't go skipping into the sunset and as pp said things would never be the same. You sound like a lovely person, so just be kind to yourself and try to move on.