To feel hurt over my brothers relationship?

[Chickenwings85]

My brother had been with his girlfriend for a number of years. They both live at my mum's he has a full time job and works seriously hard, she works one day a week and can't hold a job down very long. Shes always been abit of a good digger and I've always thought my brother is way too good for her!
Anyway, a few days ago my mum rang me to tell me they had split up and the girlfriend is going back to her mum's for a few days before moving out of the area to stay with an other family member. My mum has told me not to say anything to my brother as it's only meant to be her and my dad that knows at the moment which I really respect that as I'm sure my brother will tell me in his own time when he's ready too. However, my mum has told me he had broke down in tears to her and is blaming himself for it, he's not eating or drinking properly nor is he sleeping much but he still goes into work.
My heart is breaking for him and since finding this out I've wanted to go round to baby him. I can't bear the thought of him hurting like this and I can't do anything to support him until he's ready to me they've split up. He's a lovely man with a heart of gold, he is amazing with my daughter, he just doesn't deserve this hurt at all. I wish I could take the pain away from him.

That's meant to say Gold digger

All you can do is be there for him when he's ready to receive your support. I'd suggest steering clear of all the drama and allegations of 'gold digging' - don't get involved in that kind of gossip, just offer a sympathetic ear.

Sounds like she did him a favour, hopefully he'll soon see he's better off without her.

Working one day a week and living at your mums - she sounds a bit of a fanny lodger.

Gold diggers don't usually target men who live with their Mummy and Daddy OP.

Either way, it's better not to label people. Very distasteful.

If your family is generally close, like mine is, I'm sure he wouldn't be upset to know that you now know. Ask your mum to tell him that you know - she can approach it by telling him she's very worried about him and she wants him to have the loving support of his sibling.

If it were me, I'd probably not be able to wait and I'd be straight over there to give him a massive hug. I am one of 5 and we've all always been super close, so this would be normal for us.

I hope you're able to give him some support soon x

I'd leave him too.

Remember they may be back together next week so no putting her down. Just sympathy when he does tell you.

Also I suspect you're kicking your heels with glee that the "golddigger" (lol at that) has left him.

Bit of drama isn't it?

I’d pretend I knew nothing, and just jolly him into a drink at the pub, or a dinner at mine etc. Find an excuse. Say your kids are keen to see him, if he can drop in on his way home from work. Something like that.

I bet after a hug and a drink he’ll spill his guts to you. Then you are free to help. I agree with pr3vioys posters that you’d better steer clear of drama and blame. Concentrate on ‘yeah, breakups are shitty’ and his positive future. Be careful, she could come back. Strengthen him and encourage him to move on, so he’s stronger when she comes begging.

He's a grown man - he doesn't need anyone to "baby him". Just let it go - it sounds as if you are taking a rather unhealthy interest in his love life. Maybe he'll grow up and move out of his parent's house and start living an adult life .

Gold digger? If your brother has so much ‘gold’, why does he live at home with his parents?

Also I suspect you're kicking your heels with glee that the "golddigger" (lol at that) has left him.

^I would be if that was my brother. The girlfriend worked 1 day a week living with his parents. She was a free loader and taking the mock.

'Baby him'

He's an adult.

Respect his wishes he'll tell you when he's ready.

Whatever you do dont trash talk her. If he finds out and they get back together you're screwed

Ask him to go to cinema with you and the children...
If you just say do you want to come... Then he is free to mention the ex won't be there.

Keep your comments about gold digging to yourself when he does tell you. They may get back together, and it will be very awkward for you.

I think it’s a bit unusual that he doesn’t want you to know. I wonder if he maybe thinks you’ll be a bit intense and he can’t cope with it right now? I maybe am reading too much into it but your comments about babying a grown man are odd, and all the stuff about your heart breaking is quite emotionally intense. Perhaps he’s anticipating this and just not wanting to deal with it yet? Even though he will know it is well intentioned it could still be too much.

I think the best thing would be for you to give him time and follow his lead without being very dramatic or intense. Take him to the pub or dinner so he can get out of his head and have fun.

I suspect he's not telling you because he's aware of your opinion and he is hoping they get back together. Once you've vocalised what you think to him; your sibling relationship could be damaged if they do.

Your mum shouldn't have told you. He'll be okay. Break ups are hard but he's made the decision to cope with this by himself; and you need to honour that. He is opting out of your intense support at the moment. He will let you know if (and when) he wants it.

Op, with respect mind your own business.