My circumstances are slightly different but I can relate to your experiences. I didn't have a good relationship with my father. He lived in Spain most of my life, stuck at the bottom of a bottle and addicted to sleeping tablets. There were times where he'd drink drive with us in the car - once nearly veering off the mountain road up to his Villa. He'd be drunk and dosed up on tablets while looking after me and my younger brother - once he tripped and smashed into a glass table, passed out, blood & glass everywhere, I was 12, in a foreign country and had no idea what to do. He would send us vile messages on Christmas day.
Around 15 years ago he had a health scare. Was in intensive care in Germany, with a tracheostomy because he couldn't breath for himself. We got a call to say he was going to die. We called him when he was conscious. We apologised for the lost time, his nurses told us the messages he was writing as we spoke. He pulled through. And absolutely nothing changed.
I hadn't seen him for 10+ years.
He died this April. I'm not going to lie, it has completely fucked with my head. My second son was just 2 weeks old but I jumped on a plane to Spain for the funeral - he was muslim so it had to be done quickly. I'm still dealing with all of this - I feel guilt, anger, pity but mostly I just feel sad. Sad about everything.
I'm not really sure why I'm telling you all of this. If I was in your shoes I probably wouldn't go see him. But I would just say should the worst happen, brace yourself - I had no idea I would feel like this.
Take care of yourself and your little family. That's most important right now x