To ask how we help our teen DSs to navigate online porn

[Almondio]

I have a 15yo and there's no doubt that he's viewed porn online, on his mobile and/or laptop. We have security settings on both the devices and on the Wi-Fi, meaning he shouldn't be able to access hardcore porn, but that doesn't always apply when using 4G, or at other houses, or other people's devices.

We talk to him about sex, relationships, consent, respect, women, men, sexuality and choices, and want him to eventually have healthy sexual relationships.
But we hear so much about the negative impact of porn on teenagers, their developing brains and how they view themselves and others.

What else - apart from unplugging them from the internet altogether - can we do to help keep them safe and able to develop at their own pace, into healthy sexually active adults?

Don’t have anything to say myself but The Guardian ran an article on this topic a couple of weeks ago and it had over 600 comments last time I looked so you may want to try and seek it out (I’d find the link for you but I have the app and it needs updating so I can’t access it right now)

Does he know that porn use can cause ED? This would be my primary concern and I will be drilling into my sons that iressponsible porm use can ruin your sex life. I have also observed the negative social ramifications that growing up with internet porn has had on my generation. I don’t know how to prevent this on a societal level but on an individual level responsible parents don’t let kids watch porn whether that means taking data off their phones etc or providing them with fairly innocuous wank fodder I don’t know. I think the reality is that they will access it at some point but a combination of education about its ill effects and postponing the age at which they do first access it are key to preventing addiction and other problems.

Very interested in this issue too, with 3 teenagers in the house it's a major concern of mine.. Apart from internet restriction and open conversation about the damage porn use can cause, I have no useful suggestions.

I think doing as you have and ensuring he appreciates consent, safe sex, respect for women/men, sexuality, etc is the best way to go. You will never stop him from accessing porn I don't think. You can get hardcore porn on social media sites. And I don't think those would be filtered out by restrictions - I could be wrong though.
I think the more you push against accessing porn, the more they will want to. It's the same as any forbidden fruit! I think that you are setting him up well to appreciate respect and reality, so he's not going to be warped by watching porn. I remember starting to access porn back when I was like 13...in the days before internet filters and with parents who weren't savvy to what I may be looking at. I was curious. It hasn't made me a deviant. It hasn't made me a predator. It hasn't given me unrealistic expectations of sex. It has had no negative impact on my life at all. I think the 'damage' aspect is scare mongering. You're giving him the tools to be a sensible, caring young man. He can do that AND watch porn.

Wrenika- it's good for you that porn hasn't turned you into a deviant or predator. But there are numerous reliable studies now showing how damaging porn can be for certain individuals. Deviancy and predatory behaviour aside, porn is now linked with P.i.e.d, destroying relationships, marriages, addiction, placing unrealistic pressure on young girls to fulfil unrealistic sexual positions, girls are being made to feel ashamed or not "porn sexy" enough about their bodies by boys who's first sexual experiences is hardcore porn and expect girls to be like/ do what they are watching daily. It's highly worrying as a parent to want the best possible start for our teens, so your unbased normalization of porn is not helpful here at all.

There are some good documentaries about the darkest side of porn , exploitation etc watch one with him try and appeal to his better nature, it humanises those working in the industry and might put him off or at least give him a more realistic view

I have very odd view of I watched porn from age 15 and have a very healthy view on sex and relationships I don't see it as an evil that needs to be avoided I think it is better to show him that it is not a realistic view on sex and perhaps show him a documentary that shows the actually impact on women in the industry I remember one where she said she had to take strong painkillers as she had been required to do rough anal so often she had a tear and damage to the back of her throat

I think the main difference to those who said they accessed porn when they were a teenager (as did I) is that at our age (guessing we are similar age) the porn was not as hardcore and that they were on actual adult sites, even if filters were not used back then.

Now, filters don’t work as well because porn is mainstream. Tumblr and Twitter is rife with accounts that post hardcore porn and they are sites that people, especially teenagers, use all the time and I don’t think filters censor Twitter and Tumblr, do they?

I thought from the therad title this was about how to show teeangers where the best porn is. I had no restrictions and have no problems with it. Parents just differ in their views on this kdin of thing which is what we want in a liberal democracy. Indeed some families have no internet access, no mobile phone and no TV - their choice.