I'm not looking forward to Christmas at all

[waste]

I don't want to be a moody git but Christmas just seems so commercial and wasteful. Even the wrapping paper can't be recycled. I would love it if all the adults in my family just sent cards and stopped buying loads of useless rubbish.

AIBU?

Yanbu.

I’m noticing a real shift in peoples’ mindsets this year. A lot of people I know are doing charity donations for extended family instead of presents.

I ADORE Christmas, but this year we’re focusing much more on activities and nice food rather than all the presents, cards and plastic tat.

I’m only buying (and spending much less) for 4 people this year. Extended family have agreed charity donations and no presents.

yanbu! It's getting worse every year. So much waste and commercial crap. This year I'm putting on lots of get together at my home offering wine and food and that all. Any money I used to spend on novelty or standard gift sets for the family will be going to a good cause or towards provisions for the homeless. I am sick to the back teeth of packaging, tat and buying for the sake of buying. In fact I AM looking forward to Christmas this year as I am changing my approach. Even my kids are getting mainly second hand to cut out the packaging as I've managed to source what they wanted that's been used but in excellent condition. (Everyone clearing out on fb in time for this years Christmas haul)

I don't know how to ask people to only buy for my son and not for me. I don't want to buy for anyone else either!
I love Christmas for the food and drinks and games and company. But not for buying and wrapping presents.

Have you got Facebook? Maybe share some articles about the environment or that Martin Lewis one is a good one where he does a video telling people to stop buying for the sake of it. Maybe just put on a caption explaining your feelings. It is an awkward matter to approach but regardless of people's feelings about it they will get over it.

I completely agree, but it's up to you to make it less wasteful. We only buy useful stuff, don't do cards/plastic tat, we only use brown paper, only buy the food that we actually eat, pick the menu and buy the necessary for cooking/snacks (never throw food away).

Another thing that I like to do at Christmas (I do it all year round whenever I can though, not only at Christmas), is to pick 3 causes and donate either money or toys/clothing etc.

I agree, although for me it's more exasperation than feeling down about it. DH and I would love to pack in all the wasteful buying and receiving.

My family has already started the 'what shall I buy you?' nonsense. I am a middle aged woman who is expected to write a Christmas list for myself, and one for my husband, and one for each of the kids (older, not fussed about presents), for sending to my parents and siblings. Then they want me to compare notes about what's been bought etc. It's ludicrous.

That Martin Lewis video is great

Also, my family is huge! And after marrying it's got even bigger

YY to Martin Lewis! I'm not a great fan of his, but he absolutely hit the nail on the head re giving for giving's sake. It's a wasteful tit-for-tat exchange.

Many years ago I told my family to just buy for my children and that us adults didn't need anything and they agreed. We've mainly done the same with dhs family but MIL still insists on buying us stuff. I now tell her what we would like and ask what she would like so we get practical things we need at least. I dont see the point but it's important to her. We don't do cards and this year I'll be using brown paper to wrap gifts. I dont buy lots of food just what we need normally plus food for a good roast on Xmas day (although we'll be having that on Xmas eve this year). I just keep it simple and everyone still enjoys it :)

You can potentially make it less wasteful and commercial. Would your family/in laws consider a Secret Santa instead of everyone buying gifts for everyone?

I'm going to do brown paper and only give to:

My siblings
All the in-laws
My parents and step parents
All the grandparents
My son

That's still a massive list.

What's the least amount that I can spend do you think?

Say you're not buying for the adults, only close children, maybe your own and nieces/nephews, you may find the secretly everyone will heave a sigh of relief. Nothing's worse than people who buy for everybody they've ever met, including that nice couple on the next but one sun lounger on their summer holiday!
Have a family secret santa for the adults!

We are fairly minimalist is our house. My family have always asked wanted we wanted. Apart from MiL and my brother. They end up buying us tat that we never wanted and end up throwing away. This year my family have also said £15 presents just because husband has changed jobs and money will be tight for us.

You will not be the only one desperate to give up buying for adults. If you suggest it, someone else (probably a woman) will join in. My SIL lept at the opportunity when I suggested it.

Are you doing joint presents from you and your DH to that list already or individual? If individual - stop it! You can halve your list overnight.

All gifts to adults only need to be small as well.

Yes a family secret santa is the way to go. And if they refuse, just ask them to buy for your son and not for you and say that you will not be buying for adults any more. All your points regarding waste etc are perfectly reasonable

We’ve never bought many gifts and this year have cut back further. We will have 12 guests for Christmas Day this year and the only gifts will be for DH’s mum and my Mum. None for SIL/BIL or any of the adult DC present. It is a huge relief, presents were something that had to be squeezed in between church, dinner, game playing and general carousing and were pretty much a routine exchange of tat. Now the fun will continue unabated.

I felt awkward suggesting this to the two other families involved but when I did they both jumped at it. I think if I hadn’t said it they might have done.

We will still give and receive gifts from our own adult DC but we’ll exchange these on Boxing Day when the partying is over and we can sit round in our pjs and really enjoy the moment.

I now only do children. This announcement a few years ago caused a ridiculous uproar from my parents (who we never see) so I also buy them something small, but I resent every penny I have to spend on them.

My dcs are older and still like presenets but Christmas to them now is great food, cosy house, decos, and dhs family visiting.

Yanbu. This year is so financially strapped for us, I do wish we could just tell everyone "please don't buy us any presents, as we will not be buying anyone any presents" - but we know that wouldn't go down well.

Far more important things to be spending our money on than gift sets and tat people don't really want.

We're all adults, surely if there's something you really want you'll just go and buy it yourself! No working adult seriously waits for Christmas to come around for something they want; surely ???

Me and my brother usually buy food or drink, candles etc for each other so not wasteful as they get used. Nothing huge.

I've said to my kids - 18 & 27 - that I'm not buying for the sake of it, although we've never gone for huge piles of tat anyway. Of course, it's easier to do that for older children but I think it's still possible for younger ones.

We have given up on presents for adults years ago, it's been great! I only buy for childless close family friends, otherwise it's unfair as they always buy for kids!

Only use brown paper and recycle ribbons and rosettes etc.

I STILL buy way too much for the children, they have mountains of Lego... but they love it, play with it a lot and I can't help myself! As they get older though we are substituting toys for activities, DVDs, sport equipment and have always bought huge numbers of books, so hopefully it will get better! They also get clothes form lots of the relatives, so not too bad!

"I don't know how to ask people to only buy for my son and not for me."

I've been trying to stop the buying between Adults in my Family for years.

This year my middle DD is skint, so between us, we put to the others that we wasn't buying presents.

My Sister (the main one who gives us shit, whilst she gets a £100 combined present), kicked up a fuss. My DD said "if you don't want to buy for the kids, fine, they'll be happy just meeting up" and we've stuck to it.

I'm giving my children money, but that's my descion, I don't want anything back.

When I was with my ex, I refused to get into gift buying for his Family. I was a LP and my children wasn't going to go without whilst I bought for others. I made it clear, early on in the year.

I value time spent together. I'd rather people put in the effort to do a Christmas Market and have a winter cocktail etc.

YANBU
We are doing Christmas on a "low key". Few pressies, which are things each of us actually needs and then something good quality for home. But we do go big on food😁 Once in a year mega treat.

Yes. I have announced a ‘Socks and Pants ‘ Christmas this year.

Their is Me and DH - agreed on no gifts
My DF who lives with us - will buy him a bottle of vodka and knit him a hat 😄
4 children 7,9,17 and 20
Will try the something to read something to wear and something to play with for the 2 youngest and the 2 eldest will get underwear and chocolate
Then my Dear Sis who is a nightmare to buy for I have knitted her a handbag.
I think we can safely ignore everybody else or some tins of sweets for family presents 🎁

I am also planning to do a 12month jar I saw on TV.
You put in 12 papers with various activities/days out and every month you pick one. Spreads the cost and it looks like it will be more fun too