to want a baby soon?

[ak1010]

Background: My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years and are both 24. We both have good jobs, but are only a couple of years out of uni so not earning lots. However, I am v lucky (and grateful) that my Dad is in a position to be able to support me financially to get onto the property ladder, and I have been left quite a bit of money from relatives who have passed away which would also help towards the deposit for a house.

I want nothing more than to be a Mum. My partner wants children, but not in the immediate future, more like when we are 30. I would love to start a family in the next few years, as I feel we are in a position to be good parents. I understand all the reasons for wanting to wait, but I think the idea of being younger parents is great - I don't really see it as your own life being sacrificed when you have kids, just changing to share it with them.

I'm not sure if my desire to start a family at this age is unreasonable, due to us both not earning loads and 'living our lives first' (as my partner would put it)? I obviously wouldn't consider it until in a position where financially stable etc., but I'm also not sure if my strong desire to be a Mum stems from my own difficult relationship with my own Mother. We don't really have much of a relationship - long story, she left the family when I was growing up - and I've always wondered how a Mum could do that to their own children, and that if I was a Mum, I would do everything I could to be the best Mum I could be. Could this maybe be blurring how I think about the situation? How do I approach the situation with my Partner?

Honestly? If he’s not ready he’s not ready. Can you compromise and ask if you can talk about it again in a couple of years? X

It's normal to be broody at your age, but you can't do it without a willing partner. Try to stop thinking about it for a couple of years.

Honestly you have loads of time left, a baby doesn’t stop your life but it does change it dramatically.

You are still so young, you have many many years ahead of you for a family. I was 29 when I had my first and for me that was a perfect age.

Established my career, had plenty of time with my partner and married him and had a baby when we were both ready.

God don't do it. I love my DD to death but if I could have had another 5 years just me and my husband I would have done it in a heartbeat. Travel, get your finances and career sorted, and most importantly GET MARRIED. Not for any archaic Christian reasons but for the legal security.

Actually having just reread your post it looks like you're currently in the better financial position so maybe see a financial advisor before deciding whether or not to get married.

Nothing unusual about wanting a child at 24. It's not that young. I see where you're coming from with your mum, but there doesn't need to be some abnormal psychology or anything behind wanting to be a mother at 24. It's just normal :) I had my first child at 25 (pregnant at 24). I would advise getting married and owning your own home before getting pregnant though.

And obviously your DP has to be on board, coming off birth control is a joint decision. My DH and I both felt the same as each other (and you), about sharing our life with the children, not losing anything etc etv. But if your DP isn't ready and would prefer 30, maybe you could discuss a compromise like trying at 27 as it can take a few years etc.

But I wouldn't stress too much about your age, it's not like you're 17. Mid 20s is completely normal.

These sort of threads fascinate me. I am a bit older than most on here and when I first started work in a maternity hospital, 24 would have been considered quite old for a first baby. Couples over the age of 30 could not adopt because they were considered too old.

How times change! But biology does not. 24 is a very good age to be having a baby biologically; and a good age to be raising a little one when you are young and strong.

Why don't you compromise at, say, 27? That's young and it is said it's an ideal age in many ways because you have your house (which you will have anyway, good for you!), and careers will be established. You'll be in a good position from all points of view to be starting a family.

I hope all goes well. Good luck!

Wait...

Wait for him to be ready

Wait for you to have more time to yourself to travel freely (yes traveling with children can be fun but not the same)

Wait a bit and enjoy being a bit selfish and spending money on you and things you don't really need etc

Wait until you've had more life experience to pass on. Not a requirement but a bonus - I have much older parents and feel the benefit

Wait and work out who you are a little more. In a couple of years you might not be with your uni boyfriend. Life, work and love may have changed what you want in a partner, or it may not, give it a little more time

Wait and tick of a few things on your bucket list - more stories to tell the children and memories to keep you going when you are not loving being a mum quite so much in that moment.

Being a parent has its ups and downs and is a life changing experience. You are only 24 just enjoy being you in the world (after education) for a few more years and then when you are both ready dive in.

Now get writing the bucket list....just pop a baby a little further down if I were you.

(I have no problem with young parents but they both need to be on the same page and if they asked me like the lady has here I'd say wait a little).

I can't tell you what is right for you but being a parent in my mid 20's was the best option, it's hard work and you have more energy, you are more flexible and I think you expect less for yourself when you are young - the best bit though is you are in your 40's and have no children to worry about (well you always worry) as they are at university!

Waiting is fine as long as you do not then find your fertility is sub-optimal - this has happened to several people I know.

A lot of my friends who were with long term boyfriends or even married at 24 had split up or were divorced by the time they were 34. However those who met in their late 20s and early 30s are still together. (I'm in my early 40s.) You are both going to live on average until you are 80, and unless you know you will have fertility issues if your boyfriend says he's not ready then don't force the issue and wait 5 years.

I'm 27 and very broody but recognise that DP isn't ready. I was broody before we even met 5 years ago so I do understand where you're coming from. I think it's normal to feel this way. But I think it's never a good idea to force the issue when one person is not ready. Do some fun things that you wouldn't be able to do with DC, be spontaneous, make plans to buy a house etc and maybe look to discuss it again in a couple of years.

I would never advise a woman to wait until a man is ready to have children.

I have known far too many men who told partners at 25 they would be ready by 30.... then at 30 that they would be ready by 35.... then at 35 that they would be ready by 40... then at 40 that actually they would be ready by 45 (but by now they've swapped to a new younger partner).

A man can wait til 50 with very little in the way of repercussions. The woman is the one who has to live the the physicality of pregnancy and giving birth. Mid twenties is a great time to start having kids. Better physical recovery, more energy. Gives you much more options when it comes to number and spacing of children.