To ask whose responsibility it is. LONG

[helpconfused]

I'm trying to be matter of fact below, I'm not being cold and know I should have done more but my family can hold a grudge...

My Nan fell out with her brother in 1989, hasn't spoken to him since.
Her other brother and sister also don't speak to him.
After the fall out he used to my visit my parents house but as he got older the visits dwindled. My dad (it's his uncle) isn't family orientated so didn't visit him at his home and my mum doesn't drive.
A couple of years ago my mum asked me to take her to his house. He wasn't there and a neighbour told us he was in a home. We found out what home it was and visited that xmas. We have always spoken about going again but never made it back.
This morning my dad had a call from
The home to say his uncle passed away today and he was down as next of kin. He didn't understand why and gave my nans number over.
The home contacted my Nan (in her 80s) and told her that she had to arrange the funeral as surviving relative. They can't afford to pay for one and didn't speak to him for 29 years.
The home also informed my Nan that a girl visited him in the home and had control
Of his finances. We do not know who this girl was. They have no details for this person.

Does anyone have experience of this?
Who is responsible?
My parents were the only ones that were in contact with him from 1989 until around 2014 but they cannot afford to pay for a funeral either.
It's so sad :(
Already causing friction.

Was there a will? You can apply for help with costs if there isn't enough money left in his estate

No idea, but could you look in his house / call around local solicitors and see if anyone holds a will for him? I would be keen to find out who the young woman is.

Do visitors not sign in when visiting people in residential homes?

If no family members pay for the funeral I believe the local authority provide what used to be called 'a paupers funeral'.
If there is someone who has power of attorney (the girl) she will be in charge of his affairs - not sure if money is claimed off his 'estate' to pay for basic funeral costs etc.

www.moneyadviceservice.org.uk/en/articles/help-paying-for-a-funeral

His is so sad. Your uncle’s estate should be used to pay for funeral costs. The state will step in and provide a basis funded all if there isn’t enough in th estate and of friends and family can’t pay.

Your dad sounds like a piece of work though - passing this on to his elderly mum!

The home to say his uncle passed away today and he was down as next of kin. He didn't understand why

My parents were the only ones that were in contact with him from 1989 until around 2014

Answers itself really, doesn't it. Yeah, I do agree that passing it on to Nan was a rotten thing to do.

I also don't get why your dad didn't just handle it? He was the only one in contact with him why would your nan?

Thanks all.
My dad wouldn't have a clue where to start to be honest. My mum does everything for him! He is pretty clueless in life.
He figured he wasn't next of kin as there are two sisters and a brother.
My mum has left a message with the Berevement Office at the hospital and they are going to the home tomorrow to speak to them to see if they can find out more.

Have a look at the .gov.uk website, there is a very useful document called ‘What to do when someone dies’ or similar wording.
Your family cannot be forced into paying funeral charges, if no one is willing or able to do so then a Public Health funeral will be arranged and paid for by your local authorities, if there is no estate left. These are simple but dignified cremations, which relatives can attend but have no say in the arrangements/time/date etc. Obviously because it is ‘taxpayers money’ the relatives will be asked first, but are not obligated to pay (don’t be bullied into paying if you cannot).
As to the woman who visited then I have no advice, unless your uncle didn’t have capacity, in which case the Care Home should have had some Safeguarding in place to prevent financial abuse.

My dad hadn't seen his uncle for 4 years or so up to now

No one is responsible as no one is obligated to provide a funeral. Your husband needs to decide how he will feel if no one else steps up. It is an incredibly personal decision.

Sorry, dad. Don’t know why I wrote husband. Still, very personal decision.

I hope if your dad is left anything in the will he will also pass on that!

No one is under any obligation to pay for a funeral, although as I understand it, your council will pressure your family into taking responsibility for it so they don’t have to.

It’s important, you, your nan, or your dad keeps repeating, that you were estranged and even if you weren’t you can’t afford a funeral so you won’t be taking any part in it.

If you know where he lived before the care home then you will probably know if it was privately owned by him or not ? If it was then presumably was sold to pay care home therefore can you trace the solicitor used for the sale who may have info to help you ?

What a rotten lot you are. It is obvious why you are down as next of kin, it is because you were the only ones in touch with him. As for your dad passing it on to your mum as he didn't know what to do, he is a grown up isn't he? You find out.

His house before was rented.

No need to be rude. A lot goes on in families, things like this seem to reinforce grudges and open old wounds.

My dad didn't even know that his uncle had his number so it was all a surprise that he had the call at all, though I don't know why they didn't phone him when he went into hospital in the first place if he was down as their only contact.

I was just asking to see if someone was obliged to somehow fund the funeral, as surviving relatives. My grandparents seemed to think the care home

TOLD them it was their responsibility and they are panicking

If the home thinks someone was responsible for his finances you can do a check with the court of protection to see whether anyone had power of attorney for him. You just need to know his full name and DOB.

Nobody can force anybody to pay for the funeral.

Oh God this is so sad that poor man.

It sounds like his last years were horrendously lonely.

I'll note that I'm sure if there was an inheritance, there'd be no end of family lining up to take responsibility for that

Unbelievable! How sad !
Poor uncle .

I cannot believe your parents wouldn't do the decent thing and step up. To pass the responsibility onto an elderly relative.

Rotten and nasty ! Your poor uncle must have been so lonely in his final years .

It's so sad. Regardless of what has gone on in the past, this Uncle deserves a decent funeral. It sounds like he's had a miserable, lonely existence with nobody caring for him and I wouldn't wish that on somebody.