To feel crap being "poor" living in a wealthy area

[purple8pig]

In our village the vast majority of families are very well off, very big 3 storey detached houses etc. A lot of the parents are older parents.

Me and dh had our first child young, I was only 18. We now have 4 kids and dh works but I'm currently a sahm. We do OK and get by but have very few luxuries, no savings at all and live hand to mouth.

I thought we were very lucky to get a house with quite low rent in such a nice area, as even though we aren't as well off as a lot here, the kids are growing up in a nice area.

But now I'm starting to think, would we be better off being with the majority in a less wealthy area? It's all well and good not caring but dd1 is noticing now the difference.

Don't get me wrong I've explained to her money isn't the most important thing etc and she's very grateful and she doesn't mention it or act like she wants more. But her friends came over the other day and one said to the other (when they thought dd was out of earshot) "isn't her (dd1s) house rubbish compared to ours?"

Now I know that reflects badly on the friend not us, but I can't help but feel like shit.

Maybe living in a nice area isn't everything and dc would be happier somewhere they're not at the bottom of the pond

people who use their money to make themselves feel good do it because they have nothing else. If you are going to love fibd somewhere where the people are less common.

I'm so glad I posted on here. You're all right, thank you for reminding me what matters. :)

I grew up in an ex council house (in a lovely village) my friends were from the next village which was really posh! Our house was the go to house and they were always round.
I recently met up with 4 of these friends after 30 odd years and they all shared memories of how great it was at mine and how amazing my mum was. My mum died when I was 15 and they remembered her and how cool it was at mine - not our small ex council house. But I understand why you're concerned.

You know there's most probably loads of your kids friends who are jealous they have so many brothers and sisters. You're both still young, and have far more than alit of people. It's all relative. Once the kids are older and you can get back to work things will get easier. The people in big houses are most probably as insecure. X

I think you are doing BRILLIANTLY.

In ten or fifteen years time, when you are far better off financially and have a bigger house - not flash but with more room - I bet you will always be sensitive and tactful towards those worse off than you. Your kids will be growing up with good values.

Trust me, I've been there (at one time had a hole in the kitchen ceiling dripping water for months -but I'm not boasting).

I am an NHS hospital consultant which keeps the wolf from the door but compared to his classmates in his (state) school it does make him feel deprived which is ridiculous.

Tweakanddashi You have a high end job! What on earth are the other parents doing if you compare poorly to his classmates?

I feel like this, I like living somewhere nice but sometimes wonder if I'd be happier if we lived somewhere less affluent.
We get judged loudly by small children too, "Why is your house so small?" "Your stairs are so steep, our stairs are better."
"Why do you hang your washing up and not put it in the drier?"
"Why do you wash your plates in the sink?" and so on.
It's not their fault but I want to slap the little buggers for being so rude and hurtful, my DS will pick up on it soon and my heart breaks for him.

These are friends' children too, I try not to invite new people because I'm embarrassed. I grew up as the poor kid and desperately wanted better for my DC but if anything, our situation is worse. 🙁

I know how you feel op as also surrounded by wealthy middle class with much bigger properties. However, you never know what really happens behind the closed door. Our neighbours love to present themselves as picture perfect family, but they have terrible rows weekly. Not a perfect happy marriage they like to project! I suppose I want to say that money isn’t everything.

It’s funny I remember a Lady of the Realm explaining to me that those at the top who had inherited and those at the bottom of the finance scales usually had a much closer experience with finances than the middle earners who’s experience was vastly diffent to either of their everyday lives. I am always wary of those chasing the good opinions of others, it is a very unhappy headspace to be in. These wellies, that car, this shop - life’s too friggin’ short for that shit ! I could do it, I choose not to.
As someone else said upthread time & kindness freely given can often mean more than materialistic gains in the long run. It’s who you are not what you own that sets you apart and imo the greatest gift we could give our children is that knowledge.

We weren't as well-off as some of my friends but our house was a fun house - my mum made sure of that, and I think I've done the same. That's what children remember.

people who use their money to make themselves feel good do it because they have nothing else. If you are going to love fibd somewhere where the people are less common.

what a ridiculous comment, from several angles.

we all spend our cash to make ourselves feel good, otherwise we wouldn't do it - that could be on something discretionary and subjective like a new haircut, maybe a larger house, or something more vital to life like the heating bill. what else are you going to spend it on?

also - as to calling someone "common" - that's the sort of thing a middle-class-aspiring working class person calls a peer for all sorts of perfectly rational behaviour, like buy a more expensive car than is strictly necessary because they can (note I didn't say "better", i said more expensive.

in fact, stepping back from this discussion, i find all the discussion about material wealth shows a level of inverse snobbery - equating being well-off with owning a 4x4 or having a big house.

some of the most well off people i've known in my life eat smartprice asda beans and have holes in their shoes, but have cracking pension pots and invest in their children's education and have asset values on paper that make average jo's like me lost for words. THAT is "well off" - having and owning and accessing goods and services that are truly valuable, not fleeting crap like a slightly more expensive car than you need.

Yes there is often inverse snobbery and resentment. it's almost as if people who do have money/possessions/status, should somehow feel guilty because others happen not to.

There's so much more to life. Whatever their financial situation, people will still have problems. Bereavement, ill health, worries about children and elderly relatives, heartbreak. No-one is exempt from any of that. We're all human beings at the end of the day.

when I was a kid my house was big and very posh but everyone thought my mum was horrible and didn't want to come round because of it, she'd always tell my friends off for whatever reason breathing the wrong way. i loved going to my friend's tiny council house because her mum was lovely and they always had the fire on so it just felt so much nicer than mine.

depends on what you value I guess.

I live in a very nice affluent village and we are in one of the smallest houses. I have honestly never given it a second thought and find it weird that you have.

We don't have children, but as you do, living in a nice area might mean better schools? Lower crime rate? I would stay for those reasons if so.

sixtyeleven, Your post made me laugh. My mum was like yours, a real snob and on the rare occasion somebody came around she'd put on a false smile and voice - and ask questions about what their father did and that sort of thing. Embarrassing or what. However she improved in later life so forgiven.

We didn't live in a big, posh house!

We have a big house. Dd had a friend round who was confused by our small telly (it works for us) and ds has a 'friend' who is obsessed with winning and puts down anything ds has because he's that sort of child.
Don't get hung up on the things that children say.