To think this isn't normal?im not normal?

[nellyad]

My mam passed away when I was 13.
She had cancer and I'm an only child.
We were so close,she was the best man anybody could have wished for.
When she died I didn't grieve properly,I continued as normal with school etc.
Now I'm 30 years old and I look at my old primary school on Facebook at all the pics of the kids today and think back to my mam and me and all the memories.
I walk past my old school and remember her coming over at lunch time to give me a kiss through the railings and I get upset.
I watch all the movies we watched together and get upset.
None of my friends have lost their mam.
I'm jealous and angry.
It's not normal is it?
Why am I doing this?

I second contacting CRUSE. I did some work with them recently and they told me it's really common for people to need their support years or decades after a bereavement. There's no time limit on this stuff and your feelings are normal.

I was orphaned 10 years ago after my second parent died, and initially felt resentment to those who still had one or both.
Sadness is obviously hitting you really hard now, as you were not able to deal with it before at such a young age.
I also suggest you get someone professional to support you through this.
Not all of us who had mothers for longer had the stereotypical 'best friends' relationship that you are grieving over. I certainly didn't. Not saying this to be unkind, but you might not have missed out on as much as you think if things had gone a different way. Though it is a tremendous shame that you never even had the opportunity to find out.
I'm truly sorry about the amount of pain and loss you are feeling.

I walk past my old school and remember her coming over at lunch time to give me a kiss through the railings and I get upset.

That is such a sweet memory to have. One day I hope it will make you smile.

Can I just also say your mum sounded lovely and she would deffo be gutted that you feel this way. Thing is, you HAVE to feel this way if you ever want to ever feel better. I think the grief makes you feel closer to them in a weird way. It's hard work. For your mum if not for you, go see someone about your feelings and be prepared not to rush things. For info, it was just me and my dad for ages and he lived in another country. There are loads of us, you're not alone xxxx