Work socialising

[antisocialmaybe]

Namechanged.

Aibu to not want to do social stuff with colleagues after work?

My working day is 8-4 and as far as I am concerned, that's the only hours I want to put in. As soon as 4pm strikes, I put my mum-hat on and all I want to do is go home and be with my family.

I work in quite a young-aged team and every fortnight or so they are planning the next social event such as a meal or drinks and quite frankly, I don't want to go. I'm starting to feel bad keep turning them down.

There's also work related events where we have staff from other offices come and we're expected to stay after for drinks. I don't want to!!!!

Aibu??

I don’t socialize with my work team. I like them but I don’t really want to hang out with them. I hate work events because there is always one person who gets really drunk and acts the dick and someone else who is having it off with the boss.

I don't think you have to attend every one, or stay late, but it's showing willing to go to the odd one for an hour or two, it's expected in most industries now

Depends if you will miss out on work opportunities by not going. Decades ago I once worked with a much younger team in an aggressive industry, and they socialised in London (where most of them lived) most nights. I missed out on sales leads, knowledge and general 'useful' information... so much so that I ended up leaving. The pressure to be part of 'the gang' was intense!

However, if it's not like that, and they are not making comments, then do what you feel is right for you. As long as you are friendly and professional at work, which I am sure you are. Also, if you are that little bit older, they probably don't mind you not going!! (sorry).

No, I get on with my colleagues perfectly well during working hours. We have a laugh together etc.

And I know I say a "young team" but I'm actually the same age group! Haha. Just, I have two children and nobody else really has any kids here.

I don't necessarily thinking I'm missing out on opportunities, I just feel bad repeatedly making excuses or saying no.

God no, I did this about 7 years ago before I had a baby and I worked in the City- back then the boss picked up the £1000 tab every Thursday. Now I barely get the time to see my actually friends, not wasting any more time with the people i work with, as lovely as they are.

@OnlyFoolsnMothers I think you are me 😂. I socialised in previous roles before my children came along but I started this role after having them.

I think everyone thinks I'm just being unsociable!

I know a lot of companies sell themselves on being "really sociable" "lots of lunches and dinners and drinks"- i just think, dear god please dont take up any more of my time.
Im quite fortunate that I work I guess around more older people now and we all just want to get home, so all on the same page. However OP if you spell it out from the beginning you dont attend I dont think anyone can care.

I'm one of the younger ones and have no children and I never want to do the work socialising.

I'm paid to be with them 40 hours a week, I don't want to bloody hang out with them unpaid, I want to get home to DP and Dcat!

And TBH that's pretty much what I tell them!

I've made lots of good friends through various jobs, but even in my youngest days I was never into doing a huge amount of general workplace socialising. The odd night out, or bowling trip or something was fine, and going for a meal or to the cinema with particular friends from work was enjoyable - and I'm still friends with a lot of those people.

Gut going to the pub every Friday night or meeting up with a work crowd over the weekend was never my thing. On the other hand, some people really enjoy being part of a busy social scene at work and that's fine too.

I think it's down to different types of people as much as to whether people have children or not.

When I was younger and in a large company I willingly participated in this sort of thing.

Now, I’ll spare an hour after work for an informal drink but that’s it. I’m going to the Xmas party but driving so I can escape after the meal and one drink.

However, social events are planned weekly and I’m the black sheep for saying no. Everyone I work with except my boss who apparently doesn’t give a damn about spending time with her kids is younger and single without children.

The constant pressure to socially engage drives me mad. My boss is horrified she hasn’t met my DH yet

It's an age thing.
When you're younger you have more spare cash, more spare time and the hangovers don't last a week.
YANBU.

Aibu to not want to do social stuff with colleagues after work?

No. I don't want to spend any non-work time with colleagues either. And that's not because I hate my colleagues. I just feel that we already spend enough time together at work. I don't want to spend all my time with them.

YANBU at all. Life's too short to spend time with people you don't really care THAT much about!

This is always a problem when you work in a team of “younger” people who aren’t at the same life stage as you. Worst case scenario they actually won’t hire you if you aren’t into socialising, or if you’ve already been hired you get marginalised and pushed out. Even as a young single person I didn’t want to hang around after work; I wanted to get home to my hobbies and my partner. Now as a mum I definitely can’t hang around after work. It’s perceived as a huge negative by companies whose culture revolves around socialising. Imo it’s actually quite childish to expect employees not to have other commitments.

I am thankful that I have never worked for an organisation that tries to impose compulsive socialising on its staff. I suspect they are also the type of organisations that expect staff to regularly stay late and answer phones and emails at weekends. Very controlling and paternalistic and not at all conducive to a healthy work/life balance.

In my experience it’s usually “young” startup companies who expect you to socialise all the time. My heart used to sink when I saw a job advert that would be ideal for me, except it would say something like “We work hard and play hard. We’re friends as well as colleagues and we regularly do x,y and z activities that take up loads of time after work so you won’t get home till 10pm”. It actually put me off applying because I didn’t know how to get out of having to hang around for ages after work. I’m there for the money and when I’m finished I just want to go home!

A lot of companies I know of now also do group holidays e.g skiing. Yes I know its nice of them to pay and take you away etc without using your annual leave, but I would (if faced with the option) so prefer just to have the money.

Compulsive???? That should have read compulsory.

I work with a young team too, who all go out socialising a lot of the time. Doesn't really bother me, I still get on with them. I have other responsibilities now. I know what you mean though. Thankfully my boss has DC too, so it's good that I have at least one person on the same page as me!