AIBU?
Upset with unsupportive in-laws
Waterbaby40 · 06/11/2018 12:16
I don’t know whether I’m being too emotional but I feel angry and let down by my in-laws due to their attitude towards supporting my son, their grandson in protecting his health by having themselves vaccinated for flu.
My son developed a rare autoimmune disease 6 months ago aged 5. He spent a month in hospital and there were times we didn’t think he’d come home. His consultant has told us that flu or other similar illnesses could be fatal for him and to do what we can to mitigate risk during the flu season. We asked close friends and family who spend lots of time with him if they would have to flu vaccination this year, all the parents at school have been really supportive, all of them taking up the free vaccine at school and a lot of parents and teachers choosing to be vaccinated stars too, similarly my family have also been vaccinated. However my in-laws (both in their 70’s and one a type 1 diabetic) have refused. First of all they said they couldn’t see the point because the Daily Mail said the vaccine wasn’t very successful last year and then when the Daily Mail ran a subsequent article saying why everyone should have the vaccine this year they said they would t have it because they didn’t like being told what to do.
My DS spends lots of time with my in-laws and has a very special relationship with his grandfather especially. I feel now that I can never trust them to look after him properly. My DS has to take medication every 2.5 hours, how can I trust that they will follow instructions and not think they know best. We haven’t seen the in-laws since these conversations began 4 weeks ago (as we’ve been on holiday and had other commitments).
I spent the whole time DS was in hospital supporting my mother in laws melodramatic grief at what was happening to my DS, she saw how ill he was, she knows what could happen. I can’t believe they are being so difficult. If they had a genuine reason as to why they don’t want the vaccine I’d understand but it seems they are just being stubborn. I don’t know how to move forward with this.
brookshelley · 06/11/2018 12:18
I’d not let them near my child in this situation! You are totally justified in your anger. Wow.
Can you get them in front of a doctor or nurse who can explain the seriousness?
hazell42 · 06/11/2018 12:21
Ask them to discuss their concerns with the gp. He can explain it to them. They probably just don't understand how important it is.
OnceUponATimeInAmerica · 06/11/2018 12:22
Given their age and concurrent health problems, they are at high risk of flu making them extremely ill, let alone the impact for your son.
I would be telling them they can not look after him until they have had the vaccine done. And shown you the evidence. Otherwise, they'll lie.
skintbutok · 06/11/2018 12:22
To me it's simple. No flu shot, no access to your son.
Brainless Daily Mail reading fuckwits.
Unicornandbows · 06/11/2018 12:23
No vaccines = no time spent with gc
She can then choose whether she wants to see her gc or not
BunsOfAnarchy · 06/11/2018 12:23
Im actually gobsmacked at their stupidity.
Simply say you cant have DS near them unless they are vaccinated. Sorry, doctors orders!
I seriously cant believe their behaviour!
LittleAlbatross · 06/11/2018 12:26
Another chiming in to say they don't have contact until they get the jab.
Also fuck the daily mail.
RoboticMary · 06/11/2018 12:41
Well, they’ll see how far their stubbornness gets them. How silly of them to make such a big deal over it. They’re going to be unhappy- no vaccine, no visits with grandson - but that’s their choice. I don’t understand people like this 
7yo7yo · 06/11/2018 12:56
I wouldn’t let them see my son and if they said they’d had it I’d ask for proof.
wink1970 · 06/11/2018 13:00
Given the seriousness, they are being not just unsupportive but downright reckless. I normally cringe at the IL bashing on here, OP, but you're totally justified in this one!
- another vote for no vaccine, no time.
Babdoc · 06/11/2018 13:03
Even if they agree to have their flu immunisations, you cannot assume that there is no longer a risk.
The flu vaccine is much less effective in patients over 65, and a significant percentage will still get flu regardless. Be alert for any symptoms of respiratory infection, in any elderly contacts, including your in laws, and keep your son well away until they’ve recovered.
ArnoldBee · 06/11/2018 13:08
Actually I support their decision. The flu jab is not an exact science it's a guesstimate from 4 years ago which is why it wasn't successful last year. Anyone contracting flu is just as likely to suffer from one that's not in the vaccine and who is to say they would have got flu anyway?
The issue here is that you're rightly concerned about your child and as it's flu season you want to mitigate that risk. At this time of year there are many viruses and flu is just one of them.
It's their choice if they get immunized and your choice how you manage your child's health.
Santaisgettingbusy · 06/11/2018 13:14
Suggest they set up Skype as ds won't be visiting /or them to you.
And bloody mean it.
Remind them it will be a rubbish Christmas for them from now on until the see their GP.
Waterbaby40 · 06/11/2018 13:16
Thanks all for your encouraging words of support and Babdoc for your advice. I think the flu vaccination success rate is upto 40 - 60 % and for the elderly, this year there is a new vaccine which is hoped will be more effective than last years which was quite low. I totally understand that by having the vaccine it doesn’t guarantee you won’t get flu, it minimises the risk but it’s there attitude that really stings.
Thanks for letting me know the signs to watch out for. I didn’t know respiratory symptoms were an indicator so I will be sure to watch out for those and ask the school parents to let me know if their children develop symptoms so I can make an informed decision whether to send DS into school.
Alfie190 · 06/11/2018 13:18
Flu jabs are not particulsrly effectie and flu is not as common as some would think, people are always calling a bad cold flu. I don’t think them getting jab is going to have any impact on your sons health to be honest, however, if i were them, I woud probably just get it anyway as i dont see a downside.
Bluelady · 06/11/2018 13:24
We both had flu jabs last year and both had flu. Hopefully this year's vaccine will be more effective. Am I missing something here? Doesn't vaccination just protect the person who's had it?
brookshelley · 06/11/2018 13:27
Bluelady virus grows and multiplies in an infected person, who also sneezes/coughs which spread it around. If your body fights off flu you won’t be a vector.
Bluelady · 06/11/2018 13:29
OK, I get that but if you've been vaccinated surely you're protected if you're exposed to the virus? Or should be - we clearly weren't last year!
Waterbaby40 · 06/11/2018 13:46
Vaccinations are only 40% effective so although DS has been vaccinated he needs as many people around him as possible to be vaccinated. Herd vaccination is really important as it protects those with deficient immune systems as well as yourself.
Maelstrop · 06/11/2018 14:00
Very simply, flu has many variations and mutates. Whether they have the vaccination is moot. Having said that, they are being very U to believe anything they read in the Daily Mail and should surely be trying to protect your ds in the best way they can.
Hissy · 06/11/2018 14:04
I think you are not being U at all
They have made a decision to refuse your reasonable request to vaccinate themselves for the sake of their GC.
You have to take the decision to tell them that in which case there will be no contact. it's a shame, but that's the consequences to their decision.
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