AIBU - or just getting this blown out of proprtion

[Mum22Grlz]

OK simple version my 2 DD's turned 15 at the weekend - cards and gifts opened etc and they were very grateful for all they received - FB, WhatsApp and Instagram messages from friends and various relatives near and far - I confess I put a FB post out with a couple of nice pics of them saying how proud I am of my beautiful girls - blah blah (well I am a bit). Anyhow not one peep out of my only sibling (Sister) or DH's only sibling (Brother) on the day , not a phone call, message, thumbs up like on a post - nothing. DH had a regular phone call with his brother and sis in law on Sunday night - at the end of which BIL said "we haven't forgotten the girls birthday - we will be sending something" ! Then last night I finally got a text message off my sister saying she was sending something today with her husband as she forgot to give it to him to bring to work for me to pass on.! So yes today my BIL passed me two envelopes (couldn't they have been posted to arrive on Sat?).
Im feeling a bit peeved, my DD's are the only kids in their generation in our family neither my sister nor BIL have kids of their own or other youngish nephews or nieces with their partners, neither have contacted my DD's directly (even now) to wish them happy birthday despite us all being in family WhatsApp groups which are well used. The girls have taken being ignored quite well and just said that they 'must all have been really busy at the weekend', but Im fuming, we always remember their birthdays and they are adults- I feel at the least they should directly contact the girls to apologise missing their special day - is this an unreasonable reaction?

How close are they with your kids?

I think you are overreacting, your daughters don’t sound like they are bothered so why are you?

I'm like this with my niecephews as they aren't the centre of my universe.
I always send something or I will give it go them if i see them after. Your daughters don't seem too bothered so yes YABU.

Ok there are a few possible explanations:

A. They have a lot going on in their lives, possibly something serious that you don’t know about.

B. They are a bit thoughtless about birthdays and just get to it when they can.

C. They don’t really like you/your daughters/your family

Do you think it’s any of the above?

Yes totally unreasonable. The relatives don't have children so their agenda is different from yours. Social media is an absolute pain for trying to haul in people for birthday congrats and adoring family posts. The girls have got the right approach. They had a good birthday. Job done. Parents who are annoyed at a perceived slight are making a mountain out of a molehill. This is a birthday, not a death, or even a wedding. No one died. Expectations will make you unhappy, put this into perspective or you will damage relationships

There was only one neice / grandchild in my family. It was infuriating that my sister expected that she would therefore be the centre of all our universes.

You said something to remind me of that, do you do this a lot? If you do, perhaps your siblings would like to make a point about it?

Or maybe they were not on facebook that day.

Op you are overreacting, it is easy to miss others social media posts if you are busy with daily life stuff,...why didn't you and dh just call your sister and his brother and remind them it was your dd's birthday, rather than posting on social media pointedly and waiting for them to reply, like , etc...

Plus they haven't forgotten your dd's birthday, they have given something, you sound ungrateful , it sounds like you were hoping they would see your social media post and that they would put on a whole show on social media of fawning over your daughter's...and then rush to your house and shower them with gifts..

Op yabu and ungrateful, they didn't forget ,

My kid turned 18 in August and received nothing from my DH’s sister and her family or the widow of his DB and adult cousins and two of my skint siblings. One of the skint wanted to buy something I told him no as I knew he couldn’t afford to. Thankfully DGPs and my sister gave gifts. Coincidentally the exact same scenario in June when he graduated from high school. I ALWAYS remembered my nephews and nieces birthdays,graduation, etc. I also gave DSIL clothing my son outgrew thousands of dollars worth and only told thank you twice-that has stopped and now charity shops receive the donations. I’m glad your DDs had a good day

YABU.

I agree with pp, your dc aren't their priority and they haven't forgotten they're just late getting the gifts to your dc. Before I had my ds, my dsis thought that my world should begin and end with her dc. But I actually had a life of my own and wasn't close to my nephews (geographically and emotionally). I eventually got really resentful at her whole entitled attitude and we have limited contact now.

My siblings don't bother with my kids birthdays but I don't bother with theirs (they don't have kids) either.

They didn't forget, they just didn't jump on the actual day and do the gushing thing. It's not important. Let it go.

Yabu, your kids aren't the centre of the world and it's not like it was a big birthday.

People have other things going on so maybe indulging you wasn't their priority? Your girls aren't bothered, so you can either let it go or carry on the drama and risk any relationship with your sister/bil

YABU. Your kids aren’t the centre of the universe.

I also have limited contact, actually no contact, with DSis and DN now. A large part of it was due to DSis demanding some items of my mothers for her daughter after both parents had died. These were things my mother said I could have (no £ value purely sentimental).

My sister was sending me messages that as neice was the only grandchild she ought to have whatever she wants. I replied that I would leave said items to neice in my will. Got a barrage of abuse back and that she wanted her daughter to know more about her grandparents. My neice was 16 and 17 when they died (close together) and I would say DSis visited with neice maybe once every two years (parents did not drive and had health issues resticting mobility).

Anyway sorry for going a bit OT. But a similar sense of exxpectancy did come across in OP.

I think as you get into your older teens you don’t get such a big response from non immediate family members about your birthday - i would say it’s not uncommon, would be nice of them to drop a text - but it not a significant birthday

In our family anything up to a week ( or two!) Is acceptable. Dc were always glad to get it whenever. And it prolonged the excitement . Gm was always on time.
You are being totally unreasonable and l hope your dd are swift off the mark with their thanks as their relatives are very kind to remember them.

To be honest, I wouldn't necessarily think that the OP is so unreasonable as to consider her kids to be the centre of the universe. Many expectations in this regard tend to depend on what people give and how they are being treated. For example, if OP and her kids always make sure that aunties and uncles are contacted on their birthdays on time and all gifts, cards and well wishes are always sent in a timely manner, then I can sort of see why she would be a bit disappointed that the kids aren't treated in the same way. Surely, getting a text on the day of one's birthday wouldn't really mean she is expecting her kids to be treated like they are the centre of the universe?

So at the weekend when it was their birthdays sis and bil said oh dont worry we havent forgotten its the girls bday we’re sending a gift? And literally two days later they gave you one?
They didn’t ignore them or not acknowedge it at all?! Yab ridiculous

OK thanks for getting me back in perspective - just to clarify we are a close family with the girls regularly swapping funny memes, gifs and stuff with their aunt & uncle directly - so it was the lack of any greeting on the day or even after that that surprised / p'd me off not the lack of physical card or gift that tipped me over the sanity edge.
Oh well - maybe its due to suddenly realising Im Mum to 'Older Teens' making me feel like a grumpy old cowbag! Cheers All :)