AIBU to be sick to death of hearing expressions like "you are raising a spoilt entitled brat" being used to describe other people's parenting, usually of teenagers, on MN?

[TheLittleDogLaughed]

I can't recount the amount of times I've read this kind of description of a kid, usually a teenager or young adult, on MN.

People are so judgemental about other people's parenting, so holier than thou. It's so easy with a little compliant 5-year-old to preach to someone with a teenager. In my experience, with the onset of periods my dd went through a monumental character transformation from being polite, reasonably hard-working at school, affectionate and sweet with a really good diet to the total opposite. Now she wants to live on cheesy chips or takeaways, never does any school work, swears like a builder and is sexually active.

I would never have dreamed this would happen and nothing in my parenting caused it that I can see. I may even have been a bit 'internally' smug when I heard about other teenagers behaving badly, that my dd would never be like that. I would never allow it.

It's a bloody struggle raising a teenager! You may be lucky and get a compliant one who fits in with some 1950s parenting model or you might not. So don't judge.

Yanbu. And I'm jealous as fuck that you had a compliant 5 year old
The truth is, most kids will go thru their "phases" however perfect you are, and most of us are very far from perfect..

It's the most difficult stage of being a parent imo because of the lessening ( often to vanishing point) of the control you have.

I hear you! My oldest is six so I'm not there yet, but my younger sibling is younger enough that I vividly remember her teenage years from an adult perspective, plus I've also seen the same phenomenon earlier in the parenting process (parents of small babies knowing how they'll perfectly manage toddlers, parents of pre-schoolers imagining that school-aged children are basically self-sufficient, non-parents having the answers to everything). With teenagers you basically can't 'make' them do anything, can you? They often look like overgrown toddlers with a degree of autonomy that they're just not ready for, no matter how they've been parented.

A lot of it is insecurity I think? I assume these posters aren't really feeling that confident in their own parenting to be coming onto mn and kicking someone who is already down. Much easier to think 'well MY child is never going to be like that...'

IfNotNow my dd was extremely easy all through childhood and I knew I was very lucky. I was fairly strict but I didn't need to do much as she just was, well, easy.

PorridgeOats and it's so frustrating and painful when you see them making ridiculous decisions / choices about things that are potentially going to make their future hard. And there's not a damned thing you can do.

NeilWilson I love the posts now where people are worried about reading levels in Reception. How was that ever a worry? ?

The idea that leaving children alone from a very young age and expecting them to fend for themselves as soon as they can make a sandwich rather than treat them as part of the family is so weird.

Being alone does not breed independence. Being treated as part of a loving family, feeling safe and secure, and loved, that's what helps them become independent.

YANBU I hear you!!!!

siakcaci I know. It's like when they are small you protect them and love them unconditionally but when they're bigger and, let's face it, sometimes extremely annoying, you turn your back on them.

No way! But yes girls are usually accused of being entitled brats far more than boys who are treated with far more hunour doe their misdemeanours.

Wrote that without my specs on

My ds did me the enormous favour of being quite difficult right from birth, so I was nicely resigned to the teen years
I think the hardest thing (so far) is how they veer between being this sweet, affectionate loving child to being an aloof, secretive stranger. Sometimes in the space of 5 minutes.

I don't have teens yet, oldest is what's nowadays called a pre-teen which I think means all of the teen attitude but without the teen age bracket? I wouldn't presume to tell anyone how to raise a teen although if specifically asked I might give advice based on what I/my siblings were like as teens.

My DM always said that teenagers act the way they do so that you don't miss them too much when they leave home, nature's way of lessening the blow

The only time I'd think something like that is on the threads that start 'DD is 15, last night she threw her dinner across the room, refused to do her homework and called DH a cunt after dunking her six year old brother grad first in the toilet, so we told her we understand her feelings and will buy her a pony' . I think comments there are about the parents not the child. All teenagers go through nightmare phases to some extent.

Mrs Strowman you may joke but I have family members living in a strangely similar scenario! I am sick to death of that tbh as I was hoping the "teen terror" would have grown out of it by their 20s! No boundaries were ever put in place sadly.

(Don't worry op they do get better with normal boundaries / parenting.)

I hear you! Once upon a time I had a polite, friendly, well behaved and honest child, last last year or so has completely changed that. Sometimes I don’t even recognise my child it’s such a difficult age, I never considered that things would turn out this way

I agree OP.

I find that IRL parents of teens are even more judgmental of eachother than parents of younger DC. I also find parents of teens to be hugely competitive about how their DC are doing academically, how much extracurricular stuff they do and how generally perfect they are compared to your average teenager who likes to sleep a lot and has a messy bedroom. This of course is down to their super parenting skills