To feel at breaking point with DSS's trying to break me and DH apart.

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Having a really tough time with DSS, he is unhappy and struggling to be with us. DH working really hard to get to the bottom of the issue, seeing DSS alone without me and I've stepped back (a lot of the anger is directed at me)
I've had to block DSS's mum as I was receiving abusive messages from her. DH is having to field daily phone calls, filled with hate, tears and anger. If he doesn't pick up the phone, it's pages of abusive text. About him, the way he parents, how he needs pack me off home while I'm still young enough to re-marry and generally what a dreadful spoiled person I am. DSS isn't allowed to come to our house unless I'm not there, his mum has said he's not allowed to be near 'that woman' so DH is stuck Disney parenting, at the movies, bowling etc. She's done this a couple of times during our 10'year relationship. Basically thrown everything bar the kitchen sink at us, in the hope we break and split. It hasn't worked. I'm generally a strong person but this time I'm close to breaking. I can't cope seeing DH completely broken, getting a few hours here and there to see his son. Trying to balance work and hours of abuse. Most of the anger seems directed at me, maybe it would be kinder to just walk away and give them one less thing to be so furious about. I'm struggling to sleep, eat and DH and I are bickering because we are so stressed. How the hell do I/we cope with this?!

This exact thread was created a week or so ago and disappeared

We had this with Dh's ex. Even though she was happy with her new man, married etc. It was a relentless campaign to ensure he suffered for leaving her.
I became the focus when I came on the scene. It nearly broke us as we couldn't get through how to stop/deal with it. Ten / fifteen phone calls a day, personal attacks, messing with access even though legally agreed. What worked for us was Relate. We detailed what we were dealing with and got help with managing the situation together rather than ending up exhausted and at odds fighting how to deal with God's angriest woman. It worked. She's still a problem, but doesn't cause trouble between us. You need a third party to help agree a strategy.

Your husband needs to get a solicitor and deal with this legally. I'm shocked he hasn't done this already. Your husband is allowing his ex to dominate your lives and that is not on.

I don't understand. Was the other thread created by the op of this thread as a reverse, by the mother, by someone pretending to be the mother, or a random trolling coincidence?

I think it was a reverse / sock puppet thing.

I do think that you need to spell out to your DP that he has to set up:

• a legal arrangement, where everything is spelt out and you are able to be in the house
• he does not contact or reply to her. So what if she sends reams of abuse, he doesn’t have to read it. He could even investigate where all contact can go through a mediator type website, they exist in the US I think not sure here.

It’s in your DPs hands. If he doesn’t do this, then after 10 years I’d be walking away. It’s too much.

As far as DSS, then allowing them time is good. However sorting out regular arrangements and a less volatile environment is vital otherwise your DSS will feel so conflicted he will stop coming around and no court could make him.

DH is having to field daily phone calls, filled with hate, tears and anger. If he doesn't pick up the phone, it's pages of abusive text.

Why is he tolerating this abuse and not seeking legal advice?

About him, the way he parents, how he needs pack me off home while I'm still young enough to re-marry
Are you from another country? Is that her issue? Racism?

and generally what a dreadful spoiled person I am.
What exactly has led her to say this? Wht would she called you spolt?

It's coming from somewhere or she's unhinged. Which is it?

DSS isn't allowed to come to our house unless I'm not there, his mum has said he's not allowed to be near 'that woman'

So has he never been near you? What changed?

What does DSS say to his dad about the situation?

He needs to get his parental rights sorted out. Is he on the birth certificate?

people assume if you were the OW because this woman hating you so much and the son is weird.
you need to decide if the relationship is worth the stress, the ex should not have so much say so over your relationship