To not know what to do with an empty nest?

[quietmoon]

Quick back story - I'm 35 years old, I had my first and only child at aged 15, so my DC is about to turn 20 and has left for Uni. I have a dog and a long term partner who works away a lot of the year so I'm fairly independent and alone much of the time. I'm not very social (at all really) and tend to enjoy a quiet, simple life. I work from home and potter around with my dog.
The thing is, I have recently wondered what the hell I'm going to do for the next (potentially) 50 years?!

...I definitely don't want anymore children but I've been a mother my whole adult life and now I am lost and a little bewildered by it all. I do intend to travel but other than that I have no concrete plans. I am not career driven and happy with my current home business so no plans to change that.

I don't really know what I'm trying to say but I just feel too young to have an empty nest. Most women my age that l know are busy juggling kids, marriage, work, school etc.

I used to think I would relish this time in my life, and I would if I could figure out what my next purpose is. I am by no means moaning about this next stage of life, I just don't know how to begin to navigate it and leave behind the only life I've ever known

What would you be doing if you were me?

Discover who you are?
From practically a child, you became a mum. But who are you?

I would write a list of 35 things I’ve never done before and try them all. Even stuff you don’t think you’re cut for/would enjoy etc. Maybe this is a way to discover how to fill the empty nest?

I can't relate at all as I'm 35 with a 4 and 2 year old but I'd love to do some cooking classes, maybe Indian one term then Italian the next. I'd get the cinema pass where you pay a set amount a month and go as often as you like. I'd have my friends around and get drunk in my kitchen. If money wasn't a barrier I'd like to eat out a few times a week. I'd try read more than one book a year. I'd like to find people to play scrabble with, maybe a casual club. Id get one of those fancy paint by numbers thing they make for grownups now and do that. Id love to be able to alter clothes so do a sewing class then scour charity shops and turn junk into cool fashion.

In reality I'd probably watch tons of shit telly.

Figure out who 'you' are and who you would've been as a person if you'd had the chance to have an independent life as an adult before you had a child.

I’ve threatened to turn one of the kid’s bedrooms into a cat foster space when they move out.
I volunteer.
Read more than I did.
And they haven’t moved out yet!

Cor blimey, the world's your oyster!

You're young enough to do literally anything you want to do!

Young enough to start a whole new career, travel the world, take up naked kayaking - anything!

I know it's an adjustment - I'm going through it myself. But I have more or less a decade on you. Give yourself a few months to adjust and then go for it!

There are no rules really. Do what makes you happy. If that means walking the dog and cabbaging on the sofa, well so be it. If you can afford to travel by yourself to lovely cities go for it. But do not feel pressured either. Time to sit back and enjoy things now might be good. THEN decide!

It is your life and filling it with things that do not inspire you will look good on FB or the likes (apologies if like myself you do not subscribe) but may not make you happy. It is not a competition anymore unless you allow it to be.

It is another phase of life. Sit back, enjoy for a while, and then decide what to do. Believe me you will decide. x

Volunteering for something like Sure Start, possibly with an emphasis on supporting younger mothers. Also, student hosting, my friends mum did this for Asian students, the girls were always lovely and impeccably behaved and the exchange of cultural identities made for interesting company.

My eldest left for Uni in Sept
Like you, I'm feeling it at 36. I do have a teen at home still, but every day I'm waking up feeling a little lost. I've been a mum for longer than I haven't been iyswim.

I love the idea of a cinema pass I work pastime with school age kids think I might look into that next year

Upgrade your education in any field. Take some interesting uni courses. As I age I’m realizing I’m more interested in world history and geo politics.

I suppose because the world is now your oyster it feels overwhelming, especially as you have spent your formative years child rearing. If I were you I'd do a whole lot of soul searching, and try as many new things as I could. As others have said you could start a whole new career doing absolutely anything, bar being an astronaut. What are you interested in, any hobbies or skills you could develop? Or something you've always wanted to study?

I had DD at 21 and I've been thinking about what I'll do once she is an adult, I always wanted to go and live in Paris and have my own little artists studio when I was younger but having DD scuppered those plans , so I might do that when I'm 40 and she's flown the nest.

Thank you everyone! I think maybe some online studying will be a must. I have the cinema pass already and should use it more instead of Netflixing. I'm not one for going out but always loved Italian food so maybe I should try and few Italian restaurants. Going to compile a book list and work my way through them.

It just feels really odd knowing I could be here another 50 years with not much to do but look after myself

Oh come on OP, looking after yourself is the biggest thing you can do for yourself.

Wish you well, but take it easy, in your own time. Then you can both look out for yourself and others. Take a little time to adjust.

Learn to cook Italian, do cooking trips in Italy. Wow your dc when they return home with amazing food.

I would learn, wether classes or uni. It's not all about getting s better job - learning is so enriching of itself

Whether *

I'm two years older than you and just had a baby. I'm so jealous of where you're at right now!

I was the same as you quietmoon
Had my first at 15. She also went to university at 20.
I had it all planned out holidays with DH, do all the things I hadn't been able to do when dd was young.
I fell pregnant with dd2, shocked was a understatement 😋.
Still planning in my head for 20 years time😂😂

I'm 41 and only DS is 22 and at uni. The last few years I've travelled with DH ( and DS) in occasion and I got married last year. I'm busy with work but looking for my exit strategy v soon. Like PP have said it is an exciting new chapter, and I don't think you stop being their mum. It just becomes less all encompassing and you can concentrate on you! Good luck OP

Enjoy it while you can! Before you know it you will be a grandmother and it will start all over again. Seriously, this is probably your only chance to grab life by the doodads and do something that is just for you.