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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

calling all mother in laws!

20 replies

startrek90 · 05/11/2018 16:48

Posting for traffic as I need advice with my MiL. She is the nicest person ever and is so kind and loving and a brilliant grandma to my children. My mum lives in the UK so she looks after me so well. A couple of weeks ago I suffered a miscarriage and she was amazing. We hadn't told anyone that I was pregnant but she took my kids when I said I needed a Dr and didn't ask questions. My husband works away and so when I got home upset and I called her straight away she was shocked and upset but she left my kids with my FiL and came a got me and held me and just mothered me until my DH got back the following day. She is amazing and I really want to do something special for her but I am totally out of ideas so I am asking you wonderful MNers what would be the best thing to do? What would you like your DiL to do? Please help!

OP posts:

user1468348545 · 05/11/2018 17:18

This is so refreshing to read. I have a terrible mil so it's so nice to hear that someone has a positive story.

Could maybe a nice day the 2 of you together be a possibility? Afternoon tea and a spa treatment. Or a show at the theatre?

I'm so sorry to hear about your miscarriage too and am sending hugs.

festivelyfoolish · 05/11/2018 17:23

I’d get the children to make her something - like a drawing of MIL with bubbles saying the things that are special about her? My dd does things like this for me - not sure if any dc are old enough?

Sorry for your loss

rainbowquack · 05/11/2018 17:27

Big hugs. A bunch of flowers and a card that says 'thank you for being there for us'. And kids artwork.

Sorry for your loss

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 05/11/2018 17:29

So nice to read that she was there for you OP. I'm sorry for your loss.

What does she like? Flowers? Maybe a voucher for a beauty salon? A nice new scarf?

A hand written card thanking her would be really appreciated I bet too.

CigarsofthePharoahs · 05/11/2018 17:32

So sorry to hear your news - but your mil sounds like a real gem.
I second the idea of getting the children to draw some nice pictures for her. Perhaps even frame them.
Best of all - just make sure you tell her exactly how you feel about her.

WookieWoo · 05/11/2018 17:34

I'm not a MIL but my own is fabulous and would do the same thing. I think something nice to do together when you feel up to it - lunch, theatre, anything really that just lets her know how much you appreciate her.

Sorry for your loss.

Jagblue · 05/11/2018 17:39

Spend more time with her. Have an afternoon tea or something just for the two of you.
You are both very lucky. ❤️

daughterofanarchy · 05/11/2018 19:34

I agree with others maybe a spa day / afternoon tea - you can normally find
some online, and a card to say how much her support meant to you. I’m sorry for your loss, I can’t imagine the shock you must have felt.

possumgoddess · 05/11/2018 19:37

The thing I would appreciate most would be a personal thank you rather than any gift. I only have sons in law and I love them both, but I know that any thank you gift will be arranged by my daughters. Obviously that isn't the case with you, and I think your mother in law is a lucky woman.

IHeartMarmiteToast · 05/11/2018 19:42

Could you write her a letter or a card? I think a heartfelt thank you would be enough. Tell her how much you appreciate her . She'll be made up x

SeaEagleFeather · 06/11/2018 10:16

Definitely a handwritten card. Does she have any interests or hobbies where you could research something special that she had not thought of, or couldnt afford ? (if your budget stretches to that)

pudcat · 06/11/2018 10:20

Just a thank you would suit me. But not being thanked still doesn't stop me helping out.

Merryoldgoat · 06/11/2018 10:22

My MIL is lovely too - we like doing things together like theatre trips, spa days, Christmas markets, the odd weekend away.

Would anything like that be suitable?

I’m sorry for your loss - I’m glad you had support at such a hard time.

Unicornandbows · 06/11/2018 10:23

What are her interests? Mines loves the theatre and going to shows, perhaps get a ticket for both of you and go for a meal before hand and make an evening of it all?

KC225 · 06/11/2018 10:30

How lovely that she was there for you and didn't pry or give judgemental unsolicited advice. And its good that you acknowledge her.

I think a heartfelt letter. I have a friend who is a grandmother and recently her son who can be a little entitled and insensitive, arranged a surprise night out for their anniversary. At the restaurant he left a 4 page handwritten letter about how much he appreciates all they have done for him and a his family and what amazing parents and grandparents they are. She said she was crying in the restaurant.

Perhaps take her out for an afternoon tea, or cocktails or get your nails done, but do write the letter - I will never forget how much it meant to my friend.

Freemind · 06/11/2018 10:36

For me, the knowledge that I had helped would be enough. My DIL has sent me lovely little cards in the past and regularly sends me video clips and pictures of GC between visits, but I don't expect anything more at all We are family, after all, and supporting each other is normal.

florentina1 · 06/11/2018 10:38

One of the best things I receive is words inside a card. So instead of just “Happy Christmas” or “Happy Birthday” or a thankyou card something is written about things I have done for them and what they feel about me.

No gift or experience is worth the same as words of love expressed In The written word. I treasure these cards and read them when I am feeling low.

mummmy2017 · 06/11/2018 10:44

Panto...
Take her with you, have a meal and enjoy treating her.

SandAndSea · 06/11/2018 11:37

How about a photobook? You could include photos of happy times together, photos of the kids' art and messages for her. Fill it with love and thanks for her. I'd keep that forever if I was her.

Confusedbeetle · 06/11/2018 11:45

I am a mother in law to two lovely women. It is nice to see a positive post on here after all the horrible MIL posts. If it was me I would not want a present, a personal thank you would be lovely, card or child's drawing especially so. I would want to care for my daughters in law as much as my daughters as they are part of my family. I think the most important thing a mother in law should do is help when it is most needed. She obviously cares about you

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