To not understand how to do this?
Mississippilessly · 05/11/2018 15:58
7 week old DS. Sleeping is pretty good at night (tho last night wasnt great!) but he gets overtired so easily in the day. Im trying so hard to get him to nap. He has only alept for 7.5 hrs since midnight and i have been trying since 11.30 to get him off to sleep. I have just managed it.
This is shit. I hate it.
Mississippilessly · 05/11/2018 15:59
He will only sleep in his sling - so i have no idea how I am supposed to get out of the house or do anything
rainbowquack · 05/11/2018 17:23
Please read about the fourth trimester.
And remember, it's a phase...
Iminagony · 05/11/2018 19:00
My dd was exactly the same. I felt like I spent hours trying to get her the nap she desperately needed only for her to wake within seconds of being put down.
I remember finding it impossible to even put her down long enough to change into some clothes so I could leave the house to walk her to sleep. I spent hours walking with her for minutes of sleep! I didn't go to groups because she'd cry her way through anything or fall asleep on the way and I didn't want to wake her up.
It is tough. Absolutely. But you can do this. And time with them does get easier and more interesting (for lack of a better word) when they get to the interacting with you stage.
Sorry I've no tips (although mine slept easier outside, e.g. long walks in the pushchair) but you can do it. No one knows how to do it. No matter how put together some mum's and dad's seem (I'm not one of them) we're all just doing the best we can. Good luck.
Aquamarine1029 · 05/11/2018 19:03
It's just a phase. The more upset and overwrought you get, the worse the baby will be. Babies feed off of ALL your emotions so just relax. This will pass and it's not the end of the world.
Mississippilessly · 05/11/2018 19:23
Mumsnet is invaluable sometimes. The thing is i know about the 4th trimester, I get he doesn't want to be apart from me which is why I'm hally for him to stay in the sling. It just makes logistics so tough.
I'm also not sure what I am supposed to do/not do. My lovely friends have suggested shopping tonorrow - great. But all i can think about is how I am going to do that without ruining his naps. Unless leaving coincides with him being awake and therefore I can put him in the car seat I dont want to risk waking him. And then I am thinking that i will wake him the other end.
I have no idea if I am being completely precious or completely unfair on him. It sounds ridiculous but I'm worried about being two polar opposite things.
AbsolCatly · 05/11/2018 20:35
Just go with your friends, pop him in the sling, he will nap when he is tired. Stop for a coffee when he is ready for a feed.
I didn't stress with mine and got on with what I wanted to do and at that age they coped
ChanklyBore · 05/11/2018 20:38
Tell me about the tough logistics of the sling and I might be able to help.
It sounds like you have a tool which helps baby to sleep, but you aren’t wanting to use it.
I hope you are resting now.
Witchesbritches · 05/11/2018 20:45
Big Hug. It’s not easy is it! 🌷
Firstly, you need to remember that they do NOT dissolve when crying. Take a quick shower, get dressed etc. You’ll feel more human and it will not hurt him.
I don’t disagree with the ‘I just got on with my life & they slept when they slept’ outlook on life, however, when they very rarely sleep it would have to be something very important for me to wake them if we were at home. Even when out tbh. I’ve spent a lot of time in the car listening to little snores! Drive through coffee is the Bees Knees!
Why not say to your friend you’d live to meet up with them but you need to be flexible about the time. You can call them when you get there.
I’d be MORE than happy to have DS on me in a sling if you wanted a break!
But honestly, just remember, it IS a phase. The phases FEEL like fucking FOREVER when you’re in the, but when you look back, it’s really not a long time.
Also remember...there isn’t a ‘right or wrong’ way to do most things, just what works for YOU.
He’s fine. YOU look after yourself
IWouldLikeToKnow · 05/11/2018 20:57
You should definitely go out with your friends tomorrow. Like PP said, in the sling, let him nap, and feed when it's time. He'll likely stay nice and settled in the sling as it's where he wants to be. You'll still have two hands free. Go and enjoy your well deserved day out with your friends.
Rixera · 05/11/2018 21:02
If you want to go out- go out. If you are too tired- stay home.
Mine didn't nap properly and was hideous at sleeping no matter what I did, what techniques I used, until she started nursery. I wasted so much time trying to make her nap when she just wouldn't. Either he'll sleep, or he won't, but either way he won't hurt himself from being out of routine. Choose what you need to do to get by, you're the one doing all the hard work looking after him.
Mississippilessly · 05/11/2018 21:11
You are all lovely.
I love the sling and use it for hours a day. The problem is once he is in it and asleep I can't/won't move him. So with shopping i am stressing that we will have to go after a nap, I will put him in his car seat, he might fall asleep he might not, we will then swap him to my friends car and once we get to the shops we will sling him. So many opportunities for hin to wake/not fall asleep.
I just have to learn to relax i know..i just feel so guilty if he is crying/not asleep if we are out and about because i feel like I am not looking after his best interests.
Witchesbritches · 05/11/2018 21:18
Sweetheart, he’s tiny. As long as he’s with you, he’s fine x. He doesn’t care if you’re at home or out. Lots sleep better with background noise like in a shopping centre. He doesn’t need to be at home to be happy and you most certainly don’t. He benefits enormously from you being happy - don’t underestimate that.
IWouldLikeToKnow · 05/11/2018 21:30
I second everything @Witchesbritches just said. You really can't underestimate how important your happiness and welfare is to your baby. And I say this as a mum who did underestimate this at the time. If you're not happy, baby isn't happy
Mississippilessly · 05/11/2018 21:41
Ok. You've given me lots to think about - thank you
GnomeDePlume · 06/11/2018 05:46
To even be contemplating going out you are doing really well.
Remember that at 6 weeks he has spent far longer inside you than outside you. In those 9 months he has managed to grow from a dot to a fully formed human. All the while he has been jiggled along as you moved about, sitting inside what must feel like the longest boil wash in the world (what you sound/feel like from the inside). Being in the sling whether awake or asleep is just fine.
BertieBotts · 06/11/2018 05:57
Could you go on public transport so he can stay in the sling?
mintyfresh00 · 06/11/2018 06:06
It's tough when they are tiny, they can be very stubborn for something so small!
In all honesty, I just wrote the first 3 months off with my baby. I would put her in the sling and wander to our local shops but I probably wouldn't have attempted what sounds like a multi staged shopping trip. Would be more stress to me than it's worth!
I don't have advice. I just want to reassure you that what you are going through is normal and will pass
Mississippilessly · 06/11/2018 09:28
Thanks everyone. I am part of a very ambitious NCT group which probably clouds my judgement. My DH is also keen to do things. I am managing church and a coffee morning every week and we have been out and about (food dhoppibg, national trusts, sadly lots of drs appts)
He woke for a feed at 8 30 and has gone back to sleep on me. Would people move him? My gut instinct is that he should stay on me. I just dont see how people manage so many classes etc at this age - do they just wake them up?
BertieBotts · 06/11/2018 09:53
I have an 11 week old. If I have things I want to get out and do then yes I move him. If I don't then I let him sleep on me :) Likewise if it's something not time-sensitive, I might wait until I felt he'd had a decent nap before going. You don't need to do loads and loads of things. We only go out about 2-3 times a week including weekends. I know that would make others stir crazy, but it works for me.
But also both of mine have been lucky in the sense that moving them to the car seat would wake them briefly but they would go back off to sleep once movement started. The same when arriving somewhere and transferring back to sling/pram.
Personally I'm not sure I see the point of classes much before 4/6 months - they don't do anything yet! They don't care where they are as long as they are with you. Baby groups for mums to meet up yes, if you want to.
BertieBotts · 06/11/2018 09:59
The thing is parenting isn't always about putting your child's needs first. It's about balancing everyone's needs so that they are all adequate, even when that means nobody's is optimal. Sometimes your need for social interaction or not to let a friend down is higher than his need to nap, someimes vice versa. It is okay to put their needs second sometimes and it's important to realise that it's not possible to meet everyone's needs perfectly all of the time :)
Mississippilessly · 06/11/2018 10:10
Thanks Bertie. You are very rational. How do you manage it?!
Mrsharper88 · 06/11/2018 10:26
Hi, my first DS was like this. I now have a 3 week old who is the same.
Echoing what PP have said whether I left him to nap on me would depend on what I had planned. I would usually aim for him to get one decent long nap a day on me and then after that he would have to put up with shorter naps as I would have gone insane if I was stuck at home- but as he had the long nap I didn't feel so guilty about it. By 4 months he got to a point where I could get him to sleep on me and then move him to his cot while I got ready etc.
My new baby is like this but because I have a demanding two year old I am not able to hold him for his naps. I am getting through this by making sure we do one long activity a day where he can be in the sling for over an hour and sleep. It's not easy though and he is often overtired but there's no way round unless I force my toddler to stay at home and be miserable so I can hold the baby.
Also lots of people enjoy holding babies, so you might have a family member or friend who is willing to hold your baby for an hour long nap while you go out. My auntie started doing this for me once a week with DS and it saved my sanity!
Parenthood can feel like one long guilt trip and sometimes there is just no way to make everyone happy but that's ok. Now with my second baby I am looking at things differently as I know this is only for a short time although it might not always feel that way.
Hope this helps in some way xx
Mississippilessly · 06/11/2018 10:42
mrsharper it really did, thank you.
I never realised how many decisions i would have to make. I just have to trust my gut. I feel awful about letting my friends down. But i would feel worse if moving him wakes him up and then he cant get back to sleep. Right now i have to do right by him. And realising that has relaxed me a bit
Mrsharper88 · 06/11/2018 11:15
Glad it helped OP! I know it's a cliche but just take every day as it comes. Just because you can't go out today doesn't mean you won't be able to go out next week. It might be that next week your need to get out is greater than your babies need to sleep, or your baby might be fine with sleeping without being held next week. Hopefully your friends will be understanding.
Another thing I've found useful is to make sure there's a bag with some treats and a drink near where you feed- nothing worse than being stuck on the sofa feeding while your hungry/thirsty.
Sounds like youre a great mummy and doing really well! Xx
Mrsharper88 · 06/11/2018 11:17
Sorry I said feeding - I meant holding the baby while they're sleeping
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