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Should you have done more?

40 replies

maxxxx · 05/11/2018 15:55

Just putting it out there.
Do you ever feel that at your age/life stage, you should've done more?
I'm in my early-mid twenties, in a rented house with my DP of 5 1/2 years and our cats. (We can't afford to buy)
Currently in a full time job, finishing up training. (Love the job role, but it is highly demanding)
I just feel like at my age in comparison to my friends etc I haven't really done a lot. Lots of them have travelled, bought houses, had babies. I just feel like I'm working 24/7 and not doing much else. (I don't want to travel btw, I'd much rather stay home)
DP and I work different shifts so we don't see each other a lot, we're very happy in our home but I'm just wondering if there's anyone else frustrated at how little they've done? Or if they've found a way not to think like that?

OP posts:

maxxxx · 05/11/2018 17:25

@PlainJane007 I love the list ideas, especially for little things like trying new restaurants! That sounds like so much fun! I think it's difficult when everyone around you are doing things that you forget what you find fun. Like I would definitely prefer a meal out with a few close friends than travelling, but again that means spending money that I should be saving for a house!
I think I need to budget better !

OP posts:

JessieMcJessie · 05/11/2018 17:40

I think maybe your viewpoint is skewed by the friends you have. I can’t think of a single person in my social group who had had a child by their early twenties and to have been in a 5 year relationship then would also have seemed really weird. I did go to Uni though, and most students don’t “grow up” till they are about 30!


PlainJane007 · 05/11/2018 17:45

You have to have fun every now and again! Perhaps you can budget a 'fun fund' alongside your savings...?


TurkeyBear · 05/11/2018 18:38

Early to mid 20s 🙄

Jesus christ. You're barely even an adult. Go do anything you want to do. Go and DO MORE. Before you get to your 30s and are trapped in something until yours late 40s.


Arrivederci · 05/11/2018 19:43

I saw a message on here recently. Comparison is the thief of joy. Don't look at other people lives, the grass is always greener as they say.
I'm a similar age and the ones that have bought houses have only afforded it through inheritance. And the ones that have had babies may envy those with careers, those with careers may envy those with babies.


SugarMiceInTheRain · 05/11/2018 20:12

I am without a doubt frustrated about not having done more in terms of a career. Went to an excellent school, got good A levels and a good degree from a good university but it all went downhill careerwise, and after dropping out of teaching (secondary) I took a little low stress job while I thought about my options, did that for a year then had DC1. 2 more DC later and I am seemingly utterly unemployable, having only been self employed very part time for the past decade plus. I have no pension at all and can't afford to study again really (no student loan available for a second degree, and it's been so long since I graduated I am a far less appealing prospect than more recent graduates). Not in what I would call a 'forever home' - small 3 bed semi in a cheap area, and bursting at the seams, but we can't afford to upgrade.

I get together with my friends from school, who are all doctors, engineers etc and just feel a bit embarrassed that I've done nothing.


huggybear · 05/11/2018 20:33

We bought at 23 and I still felt a sense of underachievement - it's human nature I think.


MrsStrowman · 05/11/2018 20:44

Ahh it's Norfolk. OP please don't worry it's really not usual anywhere else in the country to be married, have bought a house and have babies before 25!! My lovely cousin (Londoner through and through) has fled an awful relationship and moved to Norfolk she had some family up there on the other side to me, but she says it's like going back in time it's such a different world, she's a young mum but said she doesn't feel that way in Norfolk! If you don't want to travel that's fine, but get out and do the little things you'd like to do. You've found a job that's a passion for you, that's something a lot of people never find and you've found someone you want to be with long term at a young age too. I'm not sure if it's similar to you but my other cousin works in care work (young people with learning disabilities), it will never make him a millionaire, but I've never seen him so happy and so fulfilled and he's doing such wonderful work with the young people he cares for. That stuff is important. Dint be so hard on yourself, and snow yourself to have a little bit of fun sometimes


namastayinbed · 05/11/2018 22:28

sugarmice are you me? 🤣


Rachelover40 · 05/11/2018 22:33

You really are very young even if you don't feel it. You have plenty of time to do different things. The most important thing is that you're happy. Don't compare yourself to others, just be you.


daffjeri · 05/11/2018 23:26

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TheDowagerCuntess · 06/11/2018 01:50

the thought of going on a plane horrifies me!

Really? Why?

If you're genuinely 'horrified' by doing such a mundane thing, then I'm not surprised you're looking at other people's lives wistfully.


BananaDrama589 · 06/11/2018 02:34

Several people I know have sadly passed away far too young. This puts life into perspective. I enjoy the small things in life and I am fortunate to have some of the bigger things too. I make time for family, friends and hobbies that I enjoy. So far I've had good health too.


maxxxx · 06/11/2018 09:02

@TheDowagerCuntess I have anxiety (still under treatment) so 'mundane' things like going on airplanes or going shopping on my own are unfortunately terrifying luxuries. 😞

OP posts:

maxxxx · 06/11/2018 09:06

@MrsStrowman wow, thank you. I haven't ever lived out of it so that's very reassuring to hear! I assumed everywhere would be like it.
Yes it's very similar work wise and I do feel it makes a difference, would just be nice if the pay reflected it!

OP posts:
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