AIBU by not telling my DD's father that I'm moving in with my partner?

[autumndear]

I'll be moving in with my partner in the next couple of weeks and am a little unsure as to whether I should mention it to my DD's father. Just to put things in context DD's father hasn't seen her since she was two days old, after he walked out on both of us. This was after asking me to choose between staying with him and putting her up for adoption as he didn't think we could cope with a baby (DD was very much unplanned, we are both in our early twenties and he had just started a new job), or keeping her and never hearing from him again. Safe to say I told him where he could shove his ultimatum and have raised DD by myself for the past year and a half. Having given him more opportunities than I care to count to see her and have been let down every single time, he's very much an absentee parent. I give him monthly updates on her progress as to try and push him into being interested and he contributes financially (albeit below the CMS calculated amount).

My partner is amazing and very much supportive. He is amazing with DD but does not try to encroach on me being a parent to her. Our moving in together is not a decision we have taken lightly. I am just wondering if I'm being unreasonable by not mentioning it to my DD's father first as I know he will be difficult about it (he also has a new partner but kicked off massively when he found out about mine, big case of one rule for him another for me). I'm finally happy again after suffering from PND not helped by a combination of him leaving me and suddenly being a single parent and don't want him to ruin it. Do I mention it to him or not?

He doesn't deserve to be told about your do moving in. Would be different if he was involved.

I agree with everyone. Get cms sorted. His wage may well have gone up since last time you asked too. He's taking the piss.

@Hadenoughofallthis just updates about what progress DD has made and what she looks like. He does try and derail the conversation and ask about my life and ask about DP even after I've firmly told him several times that he can ask questions about DD, but that's it.

As a NRP, I think YANBU if you decide not to tell him.

If you are still willing to continue with the updates then do that - at the end of the day he will always have parental rights (should he wish to ever actually use them) so he should know what's going on with her - just don't reference your own personal situation (he doesn't have a right to know that).

But then given his complete lack of interest, I can understand if you were to stop these updates too.

@NRPDad he has no parental rights as he refused to be on the birth certificate and has refused to be put on

He sounds more and more awful with each subsequent post you make. Please stop the updates, you are giving him an importance in her life that he absolutely does not deserve and an opening for further discussion with you. Set up an email address for any further contact, give him the details and then block him from your phone. If/when he is ever interested he can send an email.

I think it's weird he's asking about your personal private life when he should only be asking questions to do with your DD.

Ring CMS and have them evaluate the correct amount he should be paying, his finances are not your problem the money is for your DD and you should take what is due for her care without being made to feel guilty.

Enjoy your life without the shit weasel 😊