First I will start off my saying I really think all kids are different and certainly find all three of mine are unique and I don't think there's a one size fits all approach. One of my dc is SEN and I alter my expectations accordingly to let the child in question shine in their own unique way, one is naturally gifted but interests are only in school, and one who is truly naturally talented especially in the arts (music and fine arts), academia and swimming.
I am not a pushy parent so the latter dc has been exposed to the arts and enjoyed clubs and the odd session of art and music classes, but nothing too high pressured. However, now she's in Yr 9 I'm seeing that the friends whose parents pushed more, their girls who had similar level of skill to my dd are thriving and shining. One is playing in fee paying classical music concerts (!), one is participating in art exhibits in the capital (!!!) and one is going to be on a national level swim team. My dd was around the same skill level though 2/3 of those parents would say my dd had greater talent at the off set (not that that matters, it's kids!). The difference is their parents didn't accept my talented and enjoys it/it's fun approach, they got them to the best teachers/team/coaches/classes, put in many hours of training (the one who swims swims 20 hours/week), music practicing was done daily plus music camp, and art classes were never optional, and their kids are really shining. All great kids btw too, balanced, kind, and very proud of how hard they've worked on their goals. As they should be! But in chats with their parents it was clear taking a backstep wasn't going to happen for their kids, they were going to make the most of what they are good at.
My dd I will say doesn't really set a goal and go for it, she's happy to do basic crafts and read a book, and she is losing her natural talents, her music playing is pretty mediocre now unless you ask her to stop and do her best and then it's incredible the difference, her art is okay but she rarely puts the effort in to create the level of work she's fully capable of, and her swimming lags behind. Her art teacher says she hands in work as if she's a kid with no natural ability, when it's given back and requested she do better, she will sit and accomplish something that will blow the socks of the art department. But she never chooses to do that initially. Same can be said for swimming. She was scouted for several swim teams, she's so so good. One coach who saw her even said she could be Olympics bound, but if you saw her swim most days you wouldn't see that. She occasionally says stuff like "oh well, it's just for fun so it doesn't matter". But I kind of worry, for someone as talented as she was, she had offers to do Uni level workshops in Yr 6, maybe I should push and encourage more? Maybe it shouldn't just be a little bit of fun, but I should be saying she needs to cultivate those talents and put more effort in? She just doesn't seem to want to, though enjoys it once she does.
I worry about kid's mental health and anxiety levels, I never wanted to be a pushy Mum, I want my kids to be kind & sociable, able to set goals and enjoy life, to have a range of interests and pursue what they enjoy, see that there's more to life than being the best at something or competing with others. While I think this has given my dc a range of interests, permission to try things and change paths, I think for my child with many natural talents it's actually not allowed her to reach her potential at all. It's like giving her permission to be complacent?!
AIBU to think I should turn things up a notch even without her requesting it and get her back into programs/classes/situations where she has to work at goals, see her talents and once again have some sort of passion for these gifts she has? I think left to her own devices she'd never draw again and let me tell you this dc's drawings stop people in their tracks. Same with music, she progressed grades faster than any other student of her very accomplished teacher who was in awe of her ability and took me aside the first lesson to say my daughter's ear and natural abilities were rare. Her music teacher at school said the same for years. She just doesn't do it independently, not because she doesn't enjoy it, she always loves it once she does it, she just thinks it's not that important and just a bit of fun so why put the effort in. I don't want her to regret all this when it comes to her GCSE's and A levels. I don't want her to see what could have been and wish she'd applied herself more. Sometimes I see her looking at her friend's longingly and say things like she used to be able to do those things. My Mum says she's the least motivated talented person she's ever met and my cousins agree. My dd could easily study music or art at Uni, be on a county or national swim team. Do I let all this pass her by because she isn't naturally motivated? AIBU to say for the sake of her future she should take at least one of those talents to the next steps and pursue it with more seriousness and enthusiasm? AIBU to register her in programs (music, art, swimming or a combination of 1/2 of them) and be a bit more demanding? Should I insist she sets goals and works hard at one of them?
As an FYI my dd does want to go into an art related profession, art therapy for children with SEN, so definitely making use of her artistic talent would be to her advantage. Two years ago she had an artist tell her teachers she could get a place at Uni now (if she wasn't in year 7) with her work, now there's no way anyone would say that. I don't think she's depressed, she has a great group of friends, no big changes, she's healthy, sleeps well, eats well, smiles a lot, never skips lessons, is well liked at school by peers and teachers, but could spend her life reading a book or watching sunsets and be perfectly happy. She's a whole new kind of zen!