To wonder if you can have a relationship without attraction?

[Pinkginxx]

New bf. All is good, he’s kind, smart, love being in his company. Great in bed, very selfless and attentive. Only sticking point is I’m really not attracted to him... if everything else is there is it a massive deal? It’s not like I’m repulsed by him and I enjoy our sex life but that ‘phwoar’ just isn’t there.
Keep thinking that when I’m 80 what’s going to matter is a lovely selfless man who’s company I enjoy rather than wanting to jump his bones...

How did you get together if you're not attracted to him? Or do you mean just physically?

OLD. Thought I’d try and date outside of my usual ‘type’, guess I’ve been hoping the physical attraction would develop

But you're sleeping with him?

I don't think someone needs to be your physical type for a relationship to work, but you do have to find them attractive, enough to want to be with them and fancy them.

I think given you're basically friend zoning the guy when he's a new partner is not a good sign... however I do have some single friends who are just ridiculously fussy, unrealistic and dismissive and if you think you might fall into that camp and that attraction might grow, maybe give it a bit longer. How long have you been together?

Once you get to a certain age you can defo have a relationship without ‘phwoar’. There are a lot of things that are more important.

I think the key thing is you have to fancy him. I’ve done what you’re doing, gone out with people I know I don’t fancy because they’re otherwise really nice, but it never works. And that’s not to say that everyone I’ve been out with has been gorgeous, not at all, but there has to be something that I fancy about them, whether it’s their smile,or their intellect, or their eyes or whatever. If the fanny gallops aren’t there for me it’s a no go.

I had Never had a relationship without the initial spark, So when I ended up in bed with my best friend I was surprised and it was a slow burner. Unsure for a while but carried on regardless.

9 years and 2 kids later, I am very much attracted to him in all ways and get more of a pwoar now than I did in the first couple of years starting out.

Best thing I ever did (you need to get on and laugh and you definitely need the sexual attraction)

It is absolutely a physical thing. He's a very skinny guy and I've just never been attracted to that body type - shallow but true I'm afraid. Also bony cuddles!!!
It's early days but I could easily see me growing to love him. I just don't think I'll ever grow to fancy him. Sex - well I enjoy the closeness, and he's an extremely selfless lover so it's far from unpleasant. And he clearly finds me very attractive, which in itself is a turn on.
But it just keeps coming back to the fact that he doesn't give me the fanny gallops (I love that expression btw!).

‘Far from unpleasant’ sounds quite depressing!

It’s early days, you should be rampant. I wouldn’t settle for less.

He'll soon pad out! If you mean he isn't 'buff', well I'd take "ticks all the other boxes except that" over fanny gallops every day. Mainly because they (generally) all pad out.

I had this. Absolutely lovely guy, SO funny and clever, great conversationalist. The attraction just wasn't there for me though, even though I really tried. We went to bed and I actually had to leave before anything really happened, I was trying to picture somebody else in my head but it wasn't working, and I felt awful.

I don't know, I'm inclined to think you should leave it tbh. If it's not there now after you've actually slept together, it's probably never going to be.

@kittyLikesMagic I’m not imagining it’s someone else, but I am just closing my eyes and concentrating on what I’m feeling instead.
It’s not at all that he’s not ‘buff’. If anything I’m quite partial to a dad bod!

Ahhhh and now he’s just messaged me recommending a documentary (about something I’m interested in) which I’ve already seen and loved. All the time I was with a self obsessed cockwomble I’d have loved little thoughtful messages like that

How news new ?

If it's only been a few weeks, I'd be inclined to stick with it.

I don’t understand how you can sleep with someone you are not attracted to.

I tried to date someone who wasn’t my type last year, there was definitely enough chemistry for us to go to bed but it quickly waned and I ended up being a bit ‘eww’
And now when I recall the experience it makes me feel a bit bleugh, which is awful because he is a really nice bloke.
So imo you can’t.
But my relationship history is a fucking mess so maybe you should.......