To ask someone to block me?

[thebigbluewave]

So I will try and keep this short.
I suffer from borderline personality disorder but to be more specific I have extremely bad abandonment issues and often go totally psycho for lack of a better word when someone leaves me or something. It's very bad.

I was seeing this guy for a couple of months and I really really really liked him (like him) when he revealed to me that he's going travelling in January so we were just meant to be a fling. I disclosed to him about my BPD and abandonment issues at the start and had tried to cut things off at the beginning because I could feel myself becoming too needy with him but he encouraged me and seemed to really like me and I thought it was special and I thought we could really be something but obviously, I was wrong as he's going travelling for a long time and I won't be in the picture.
So now I am left extremely upset, sobbing my heart out, trying not to send him a million texts as I've just called the whole thing off because I know In January when he leaves I would be even more destroyed than I am now.

So WIBU to ask him to block me on everything so that I can't message him? It hurts me to think about it but I know I'd end up begging him to carry on seeing me until January or something and then I'd end up totally fucked when he did go off and I'd got myself even more attached.

Sorry i know this is totally mental. Hand holds please

Yabu.. block him instead. Take the power back.

Delete him from every aspect of your life-phone, social media, email. Be strong. Distract yourself. Meet with friends.

And never beg to get back with a man--keep your pride and dignity.

@SoleBizzz
@Lifeisabeach09

The problem is I know I'm too mentally unstable at the moment and I'd just unblock him and message him

I dont believe that. It's a shit excuse

Sorry about the BPD OP but it’s good you are aware of the issues it raises. It’s just so difficult when someone you meet has different goals to you.

Are there any sort of guidelines for helping deal with abandonment issues? Although it’s easy to just say block him and take back control, I would say that asking him to do the same should also help in that this is what you would like to happen, regardless of the reasons.

Don't block him, delete his number so you can't use it. And his emailetc.

@SoleBizzz

I know!!! Absolute shit house! But I'm honestly just not having a good time my dads just died and I have no friends and I don't want to message him... but you're right I should just block him and grow up. I'm honestly just worried I'd unblock him

I’ve been in a similar position actually begging someone to block me because his number was burned into my memory and there was no point in me blocking him. He refused. Eventually I got past that point and have almost fully forgotten he exists.

I hope you’re ok and if he is a reasonable guy I’d ask him to do it.

I know you know.. you are better than begging a man who doesn't see you in his future. Keep posting on Mumsnet. Post an abandonment thread in Relationships? Post a no contact thread and we will help keep you going.

Delete delete delete him!

I don't see the harm in asking. You've said you've explained about your MH issues. If I received a similar request, I'd block that person if they asked me.

Of course it's better if you're able to exercise self control. But if it makes you feel better to have 'help' in doing so, why not?

I don't think it's unreasonable to ask him. Try to be reasonable and unemotional with him if you can and explain that this has nothing to do with him and it would be a great favour to you if he could do this; that you're not saying this to manipulate his feelings or guilt him into staying with you, that you just need a bit of support with what you know is the best thing for you. If he's a decent guy then he should understand.

BPD is not fun; it's awful to feel you're unable to control yourself. I've been there and you have my heartfelt sympathy. People who don't have the disorder can never understand how difficult it is and will just tell you you need to be "stronger" or that you're making it up - but it takes a lot of time and work to get through it and you need to protect yourself until you get there.

All the best.

I just want to say how impressive it is that you are so aware of your issues and have made/are making such positive decisions regarding your future. Good on you.

So I asked him to and he's just said I'm being ridiculous and that we can still be friends... he obviously doesn't get it at all and now I feel like a total idiot. I hate it when people can't even understand a tiny little bit what it's like feeling this way.

Thanks for all your kind messages also

He wants the shag and the friend thing is to make sure you now he hasn't anything else to offer you. You're worth a shag and that's all to this person. Just take the power back and block.him..

agree, take the power back and block him. don't offer yourself up as a rainy day option.

You're not an idiot OP. Fellow BPD person here and it sucks!

You can get through this though. Block him and try to resist the temptation to unblock him. One thing that helped me was having a second email account I never looked at. Every time I wanted to splurge all (regular occurrence) to either somebody I really really liked but didn't like me back, or to people who were friends but understandably didn't want to be constantly harangued, I'd write down the message as if to that person and send it to my alternative email address. That way I'd get out my feelings but without the inevitable fallout of actually messaging them - if that makes sense?

Also maybe set up a thread on the mental health board? It may help you work through some of your BPD stuff and help you see you're not alone. Well done for being so self aware. I am too but just seem to leave a trail of destruction everywhere I go.