To want to be offered help instead of asking all the time?

[Malibeau]

I know the whole "don't ask, don't get" thing, but if DP can see I'm having a hard time with DS (22 months old) I just think it would be nice to offer to bath him or put him to bed sometimes after a long day of mumming all day.

His argument is that I should just ask. Yes I do sometimes ask but I feel I shouldn't have to ask if it's obvious I'm having a hard time, (plus I'd feel guilty or naggy) and it's just nice to be offered sometimes.

Why can't he just be nice and offer? Why does he want to just be asked?

Being friends with someone for a long time doesn’t mean shit compared to being in a romantic relationship, living together and raising a child. It sounds like you moved too fast based on the ‘friends for xx years’.

It’s time to sit down and have a conversation about the realities of his desire to be a parent to your son, ‘just ask’ is a cop out employed by a lot of men to get out of doing the heavy lifting. Beware of ‘future fakers’ who talk a good talk but have have little interest in the walk.

I'm not sure if let a man who's only been around 8 months bath and put my baby to bed. He can do dinner and clean up though.

I think he could maybe find better things to do than play FIFA, like help around the house wise to save you when you have your LO, but I wouldn't expect him to look after baby regularly.
I've been with DP for a year and half and he has never bathed or changed my kids, but he helps out in other ways i.e cooking, laundry, financially etc.
I think your frustrations would be better vented towards the biological father who does even less. No harm in asking for a little help now and then though.

Thanks everyone for helping me see things in different lights. I can see how IABU in a few ways. Need to have a big rethink, I'm probably being a bit of a drama queen..!

I have been on your shoes op, the problem being your bf can op in /out as it suits - as you have discovered.
We married but now (now exh) was always resentful he wasn't ds's biological dc.
Another man child devoted to a games console - they don't make good role models.